Convincing my partner to use cloth nappies

wannabe_a_saver

hob_nob_bob said:

pollypenny said:

Why do you have to worry about 'your share of bills' while on maternity leave with your joint child?  

I can understand you wanting to compensate for loss of household income, but surely a couple work together on finances. 

wannabe_a_saver said:

hob_nob_bob said:

Hi,

 I'm doing my absolute best to save enough money to at least cover my share of the bills while I'm on maternity 

I'm sorry, what?  He already earns more than you, are you saying that he would expect you to still keep paying the same after you had a baby? 

Having a baby makes you a family unit.  Family outgoings come from family income, it doesn't matter who technically gets paid, both of you will be working hard for the family!

I don't think I worded it very well! My partner is 100% of the mindset that it's 'our' money and he will absolutely help to support the family more while my income drops. I just want to save so that the massive drop in income doesn't seem such a big hit, and also for my own personal reasons - although my partner is happy to provide for us, I don't want to feel like I have to ask for money if I want a treat etc. I know he wouldn't actually say anything to make me feel this way, it's all in my own head, but something I'd like to mitigate if I can!

A good way to do that would be to both allocate yourself some 'personal money' each month.  Budgeted for and the same for both of you. 

hob_nob_bob

wannabe_a_saver thank you.

oystercatcher

I am a huge fan of cloth nappies. We saved loads of money 30 something years ago using terry squares which actually seemed more effective than the disposables. Even with 2 babies at once in cloth nappies we only had to wash them every third day and the extra work seemed worthwhile.

Roll on 30 ish years and my first two grandchildren arrived last summer, I was really pleased that one of my DiL's was really keen on cloth nappies, she did loads of research and was going to use a local nappy library and apply for a cash back scheme from the council to encourage reusables use. However a difficult birth and subsequent pain and lack of energy have meant that her plans haven't happened, they do use washable wipes which seem to work well but this baby has bad reflux and needs multiple changes of clothes daily due to soaking himself in vomit (yes they have seen the medical people) and I think they just feel overwhelmed by washing and don't want to add any more to the system.

So I would say don't spend too much money before your baby is born and wait and see how you feel and how the routine works out.
As for the partner not being keen it depends how much he is involved, if he's out at work all day then even just using a few cloth nappies a day will help save money and landfill and he can use the disposables when he's in charge , who knows he may even change his mind once he realises that they aren't that stinky and horrible.

Both families have saved loads of money by using secondhand equipment and clothes , there seems to be a huge exchange system on various websites where people pass on toys and baby seats (not car seats) and all the bits and bobs which are really useful for a short time and then grown out of.

One really good website for information on cloth nappies The Nappy Lady , you may well have found her already.

Good luck with the new baby.

hob_nob_bob

Thanks so much @oystercatcher! I didn't even know washable wipes were a thing (save for flannels etc), so that gives me something else to look into as well!

Will certainly keep all of this in mind for if/when the time comes - fingers crossed. I think you're right to see how I would feel once a new baby arrived before shelling out either way.

Sapindus

I did cloth nappies with my second son (now 15).  I didn't soak them - they just went in a tight fitting lidded bucket.  I'm dubious about "flushable" wipes/liners, I think the water companies would disagree with just how flushable they really are.  My main piece of advice would be don't flog yourself over it - even if you sometimes run out of clean nappies or time or energy, every dirty cloth nappy is another one that hasn't gone into landfill.  I used to have fun with nursery when they threw them in the bin by mistake - I'd count the dirties every evening when I picked him up and if one was missing I made them pay for it!  Buy a few different makes so you can see which suits you best, and ask for nappies or vouchers as presents, make it known at work this is what you are planning they may get the hint with leaving presents!  Oh, and consider wool nappy covers.  I made a couple out of recycled jumpers.  You treat them with a lanolin wash so they are breathable but don't wick the wetness, but they don't do well in car seats because of the pressure of the straps.
Hope you are planning to breastfeed as well as that is even better for every reason!

evebeme

My objection to disposables is that they can stay on the baby longer. So what? you say. Well with cloth nappies the baby gets more attention but with the throw away they tend to get far less.

Eve

HampshireH

evebeme said:

My objection to disposables is that they can stay on the baby longer. So what? you say. Well with cloth nappies the baby gets more attention but with the throw away they tend to get far less.

Eve

A baby gets less attention if wearing disposable nappies?

I completely disagree. What has the type of nappy got to do with giving your child attention. 

 I have no objection to disposable or cloth but to suggest someone pays their child less attention if they don't use cloth nappies is horrible.

Indigo_and_Violet

I'm not a mum but being in my mid 30s get to sit in on lots of mum chat!
Consensus seems to be as others have described
- try not to get too hung up on a specific way of doing things beforehand. You'll need to muddle through and find what works for you.
- the middle way is often easiest, so if you end up using cloth some of the time but a few disposables here and there it's not the end of the world.
- your social group can make a big impact, so if you're keen to try cloth try to get in touch with a 'reusable nappy' group who can give advice, particularly if all your NCT group/other mum friends are going down the disposable route.
- Washable wipes are definitely popular. Even my not-very-eco-conscious friends have come round to using them because they've seen how many normal wipes they use otherwise.  
In terms of convincing your partner, one of the things I saw written down that has motivated me to be more waste conscious is the phrase 'you can't throw things away, there is no away', which made me realise that everything I put in the bin would end up somewhere else on this earth and would probably still be around long after I'd gone. The idea of preserving the earth for his children might appeal. However, I know that approach doesn't work for everyone. You could push the money saving angle? Or you could just agree a compromise - you'd like to try cloth nappies and that means either you'll do most nappy changes (but in return they'll do something else, like more laundry or cooking) or you're going to roll with cloth nappies but if he needs to use disposables that's okay. 

Clouds88

Hey I'm a cloth bum fan!! I had my first daughter at 20 so did it part time then, also went back to work when she was 7 months old so more difficult. With my second 5 years later she was cloth full time, didnt return to work until she was a year old and able to cope easily she also potty trained at 18 months, coincidence? 

I am now pregnant with my third... one of the things I'm most looking forward to is buying my new cloth nappies! the brands seem to have changed again since I last had them so  have a look on online retailers and look ar reviews, videos.  Also being brand new I would pack disposables for hospital and maybe first few days or months if wanting to use birth to potty as they wont usually fit a newborn. Also maybe starting out in the day and using disposable at night could help ease you in. But definitely try it it's so much better for baby and the environment. 

Also on that note a totally free thing to do for your baby is breastfeed but again, that can be very very hard so watch you tube videos, hand express in late pregnancy if you can to store in fridge as back up. Some babies are crap at feeding some amazing, if you end up battered after and give some bottles but then want to try boobs dont let it out you off... lots of skin to skin, sorry gone off on a tangent 🤣 

 I do get excited when people mention cloth as not that many people use it! 

wannabe_a_saver

Clouds88 said:

Hey I'm a cloth bum fan!! I had my first daughter at 20 so did it part time then, also went back to work when she was 7 months old so more difficult. With my second 5 years later she was cloth full time, didnt return to work until she was a year old and able to cope easily she also potty trained at 18 months, coincidence? 

Yeah, probably.