Struggling to cope

gettingtheresometime

Watty1 said:

gettingtheresometime said:

OP I've sent you a pm - can you check to see if you've had it as my internet went down as I pressed send d'oh!

no it did not arrive ...oopps!

I'll send it again - hopefully it will arrive shortly.

pramsay13

If you aren't married what is the legal ownership of the house?

Watty1

pramsay13 said:

If you aren't married what is the legal ownership of the house?

Presumption in law is 50/50 however apparently presumption can be rebutted and that is what we are doing just a bit of a long haul.  

I've had some really kind messages and some great ideas.   Thank you

Watty1

burlingtonfl6 said:

With regards to the abuse, you moved back in with him so going to the police and making a report so you can get him out is a low move.

For clarity the house was empty when i moved back in.   I would not want other readers of the thread to think I had daftly moved in with someone abusive!

Watty1

Thanks to those that send me a PM.  You know who you are   really appreciate it.  

AskAsk

Watty1 said:

Thanks AskAsk.  really helpful.  I'm going to message a couple of people who could help here and remain calm and sensible  

you have to get into the right mind set, which i know is easier said than done but it will help you to deal with the situation.  you have to put things into perspective, that this will only be a temporary situation and will not go on forever, so there will be an end to it.  it is best that you both try to make the best of it while it is going on.

don't begrudge him having access to the property as it is also his, so he has the right to be there as much as you do.  try to stay out of his way when he is at home so that there is less chance of exchange and clashes.  and don't get into any arguments or discussions with him, just walk away and let the solicitors or the mediation deal with it.  if he asks you why you are not talking to him, say because you find the whole situation upsetting and would prefer to stay away from any potential rows.

and of course, you always have the police if things do turn nasty, but it is adviseable not to provoke him as an angry man can be a dangerous one, and when someone is driven into a corner, they may lash out.

pramsay13

Watty1 said:

pramsay13 said:

If you aren't married what is the legal ownership of the house?

Presumption in law is 50/50 however apparently presumption can be rebutted and that is what we are doing just a bit of a long haul.  

I've had some really kind messages and some great ideas.   Thank you

If you aren't married there isn't a presumption in law of 50 / 50 ownership.
Who bought the house and whose name(s) are on the title deeds?

sassyblue

Watty1 said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

With regards to the abuse, you moved back in with him so going to the police and making a report so you can get him out is a low move.

For clarity the house was empty when i moved back in.   I would not want other readers of the thread to think I had daftly moved in with someone abusive!

(Removed by Forum Team)
OP, your ex is clearly a control freak who wants his cake and eat it. If you own two houses (and he moved out) why does he think he can just move in, I know it's a legal tactic (and it’s legally half his house) BUT he’s being threatening so call the police whenever he starts raising his voice or bullying you because that’s abuse. If he can’t behave himself around you then he’s not allowed near you, simple as.

The solicitor I work for always advises spouses to add a lock if they fear for their safety which is what you did but I wouldn’t let your ex in at all now and if he kicks off call the police. Add cameras if you can so you have evidence of his behaviour - even if he’s simply driving past in an attempt to intimidate you. Yes it sounds extreme but he’s bullying you and making you ill so it’s time to play hard ball with him and put him in his place.

The use of the Police, Solicitors and Court (about his behaviour) wouldn’t be required if he behaved so I don’t have any sympathy.  It’s time to stand up to him and make him realise he can’t treat you like this.

You haven’t said if you have children still in education, but if you do, don’t accept the 50/50 anymore. You might find all of the above brings him back into line.

also, make sure your new boyfriend is there with you as much as possible.

I remember one case where the couple had been married for only a few years and the house was in his sole name but the wife got him removed from the house for 'abusive behaviour' not even witnessed by anyone! whenever he went back to the house she rang the police and said he’d kicked off. She was a manipulative witch and he was a gentle soul but she managed it and if she can do that with a house not in her name you should be able to do it.  (She didn’t get much in the settlement but she caused him havoc until he was rid of her.)

PM me if you ever want support and I’ll help with advice where I can 

TBagpuss

OP, abuse doesn't have to get to the pint of being physical violence before you can do something about it.

Talk to your solicitor, and perhaps get them to send a formal warning letter, explicitly making clear that his behaviour is harassment and that you will be seeking an injunction if it continues. Log any incidents with the police and ask them to log the incidents as harassment. 

They, and/or your GPO should be able to put you in contact with any local support services.