Money Moral Dilemma: Can we uninvite guests to our rescheduled wedding?

MalMonroe

"Important guests".  Aren't they ALL important? If not I'd have to have a total rethink! But if I was a guest who had been invited as a substitute because I wasn't quite important enough to be invited in the first place and then, insult upon insult, found myself uninvited, I'd be very hurt. Wouldn't you - try to put yourself in their place.

I totally agree with the eloping idea, and I'm not being funny. I think weddings now are just a complete and utter waste of money. There's a big posh frock and a meaningless ceremony, followed by a big party. Marriage is where the journey really begins. And you can get married (mostly) anywhere, it doesn't ever have to cost a fortune.  

Uninviting those who are not important enough to you will make them resent having been invited simply to make the numbers up. You're going to alienate a few people.

maisie_cat

To be honest lots of us will not expect to go to a wedding that we did before all this. My niece was supposed to get married last June, then September, but is now having a small affair and a virtual link. 

maddigunn

In my opinion no you shouldn't uninvite guests in favour of 'more important guests'once they have accepted your invitation, it would be the height of rudeness. They would be bound to find out they have been disinvited in favour of someone who originally couldn't attend and would be very upset, I know I would. If you can't make room for the previous 'unable to attend' guests as well I am sure they will understand if you said the numbers have been finalised already. And if it's the overall cost that's becoming a problem then scale your wedding down a bit - it's the celebration with friends and family that's important not how much money you spend on the occasion. And if you decide to go ahead and uninvite them anyway, on no account make excuses they will be sure to see right through them, I assure you.

JayD

The pandemic has messed up so many weddings, so I am sure your guests will understand if you tell them that you have had to rearrange your guest list and, regrettably, you are no longer able to accommodate them. However, if at all possible, I think it would be nicer to still include them with your 'more important' guests that you are now adding. So Maybe you can invite the 'unwanted' contingency to the ceremony only? After all, that is the most important bit, so I am sure that they would appreciate your compromise.

Flash32

This is happening all over the place.  We have two weddings where we were invited to the ceremony and the reception.  Now the ceremonies are going ahead with a very restricted number of guests and the receptions are either cancelled or postponed indefinitely.  Many couple's finances have been seriously affected by the pandemic and you should not feel bad about simply saying "Sorry - we're afraid that in the circumstances we can't now invite you."  Any reasonable person will fully understand and I suspect that most will still want to give you a present.  And for those who don't get it - well, perhaps you don't want them in your circle any more.  This is YOUR wedding - and your money.  Congratulations and good luck for the future.

Beverley_Bill

The postponed or cancelled weddings are in the past, non of your original plans count now, invite who you want to be at this wedding,

as long as both partners agree, its not up to the guests or family, its your day.

primrose_penguin

If you are finding money tight why don't you have an intimate wedding with just family members. You can send everyone else a nice letter explaining due to you having to postpone your wedding three times already you have decided to go ahead with a small family only wedding instead, I am sure they will understand. You never know if things escalate you may have to postpone it a fourth time if you invite a large number of people, whereas if you have family only it could still go ahead. Those who don't come will also be saving money not having to buy new clothes, shoes etc. which I personally find a nightmare!!

Pollycat

MSE_Sarah said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I'm re-planning my wedding after having to postpone it three times due to the pandemic. Some important guests who originally couldn't attend now can. But we'd already invited other people in their place, and the guest list is starting to look pretty long. We're beginning to have a change of heart over spending that much money.

Is there a question in there?

You and your partner (and anyone else who is financially involved) need to have a good think about what sort of wedding you really want now and let all guests - from your original A list and B list and C list - know what your revised plans are.

It's your choice of what sort of wedding you have.

Things have been turned on their head over the last year.

People should understand the problems people have faced - and if they don't understand, they're not worth bothering with.

Sammyyy_brown

My partner and I are getting married in August after postponing last year. We’d originally planned a big wedding but after everything that’s happened we wanted it to be smaller and we didn’t feel good spending all the money either. We decided to move some of our day guests just to the evening and keep the day to immediate family. We were just honest and said that we didn’t want such a big day because we’ve had so much stress, we needed it to be more manageable in case the worst happens again. We’ve planned the wedding so many times, it’s a lot. People were very understanding and they’ll still get to come party later in the day. We did uninvite a few evening guests too who have not even spoken to us this past year. We said the same things to them. Do what makes you happy - it’s your day!

Peleg

Yes, you can.  If worried about hurt feelings, start over & cancel entire event by informing original guest list.   (Honesty is the Best policy).  some people may be relieved to not be in a large group events so soon after a pandemic has been lifted.
Then,  start again with the new  “scaled down”  guest list.