Money Moral Dilemma: Can we uninvite guests to our rescheduled wedding?

John_Gray

Just elope - cheaper!

Cocothewonderdog

I hate the idea of uninviting guests. They may have already bought you a gift commensurate with their status as "special" guests. Think of how you would feel yourself: if you didn't feel bad about it, you wouldn't be asking the question in the first place. Pare down the occasion (eg we didn't have cake, because we hated the thought of being the centre of attention) and have more of the people you really want to be there. Nothing like a wedding or a funeral for upsetting people, so ultimately, do what you want, not what you think other people want. 

Emerion

You know, and your guests know, that your wedding has been messed about several times due to the current circumstances. You would never be thinking about doing this normally, so don’t feel guilty. Decide how many you want to invite, and be firm on that number. Other suggestions above for excuses that you can make are all good ideas. But the problem is that people will have talked about being invited or not, so some might realise that they have been “swapped”, and be upset. Only you know how much this would bother you. On balance, I would try to stick to the most recent list, explaining to the more important people that you feel it would be rude to un-invite people, even though you would like to. This day is about you two - you don’t want rows and money worries to tarnish it. That said, I’m sure you could fix a couple of really glaring omissions, and ask an office colleague if they would mind giving up their place to a family member, for example. Who would object in that circumstance? Congratulations, and best wishes to you both.

hulc

It's your wedding - absolutely you can do what you want (legally). Explain the situation and if they are real friends, they'll understand.  I, personally, would offer a dinner with them soon after so they'll actually get more personal time with you.   

davetrousers

Controversial comment alert!

TBH a lot of people aren't as bothered about your wedding as you think they are.  It isn't necessarily the highlight of their year.

Some people will be glad that they can save some money by not having to buy presents, an outfit, pay for a hotel or 'overpriced' drinks and drive miles from home. 

Sorry for the horrible comment

MPE-J

A targeted in inviting is going to be hard, a group uninviting especially if it’s made clear it’s dictated by current circumstances will be understood and more easily done.

just tell everyone you’ve had to reschedule and redesign owing to recent events and as a result you’ve had to slim it down to just a few immediate family.

later on, if you want you could have a big party for anyone/everyone that wants to drop in with less reliance on organising, i.e just hire a bar somewhere and tell people.

efa123

I have had the same issue with postponing my wedding. I have just stayed with my original list of the people that were able to attend the original date so no one needs to be uninvited as they all were to start with. The others would have been there to start with if they really wanted to be. 

ickle1865

It might be a very simplistic view, but if they didn’t make your wedding a priority first time around, why would you make them a priority for the guest list this time? 

Spendless

I *think* I am one of these previously invited now univited guests. A workmate that I worked with back in 2018, on the day we were made redundant went and booked their Autumn 2020 wedding to which I was told I would be a guest.I only expected to be an evening guest to be fair.  Early last year  the wedding was changed until October 2021 this was down to them having a baby last year and wanting to rearrange things due to this and wasn't connected to covid. I'm still in touch with my ex workmate. A couple of months ago she sent me a message that they were going ahead with their Autumn 21 wedding   but low key with minimal guests because they are worried that further restrictions could come in and put their wedding plans off again and they just want to get married. I'm fine with this I wouldn't 'expect' an invitation just because I previously was told I'd have one and wouldn't expect to be there unless a new invitation was re-issued. I do think it was polite of my friend to message me though explaining the situation even if she was hinting rather than outright saying 'you're no longer coming' 

LKAY

davetrousers said:

Controversial comment alert!

TBH a lot of people aren't as bothered about your wedding as you think they are.  It isn't necessarily the highlight of their year.

Some people will be glad that they can save some money by not having to buy presents, an outfit, pay for a hotel or 'overpriced' drinks and drive miles from home. 

Sorry for the horrible comment

I'm with davetrousers!  
Most people don't really care that much about your wedding.
Pare back the plans and scale of the event and then you can justifiably start from scratch with the invitation guest list, and only ask those you actually want to be present.