Ex refusing to sell the house - child with me. Advice please!

happy_penguin7

My ex and I separated 2 years ago. We have 2 children aged 14 and 18. When I moved out our 14 year old decided to come with me (emotional abuse etc from ex that she wanted to escape from). My daughter and I lodge 15 minutes down the road (I can’t afford to rent a 2 bedroom property as I’m still paying half the mortgage and child maintenance for the 18 year old).
My ex agreed that we would put the house on the market at the beginning of this year (when she finished the course that conveniently started at the same time as ending our marriage, making her unemployed). She hasn’t stuck to her word and now I’m wondering what I can do?
To summarise:
My 14 year old daughter and I live in lodgings (can’t afford rent)
My ex wife has remained in our 5 bedroom home with our 18 year old son (he finishes sixth form in July)
My wife hasn’t paid any child maintenance towards my daughter 
I pay child maintenance every month for my son as well as providing everything for my daughter. 

My daughter doesn’t want to stay with her mum or even see her (I’ve persuaded her about 4 times in the last year because I think it’s important)
What are my options here? I’m so worried that my landlord is going to give us our 2 weeks notice (it was always a short-term arrangement). I’m losing sleep and don’t know how much longer I can go on like this. Has anybody been in a similar situation? Thanks. 

thepurplepixie

Have you seen a solicitor?

happy_penguin7

thepurplepixie said:

Have you seen a solicitor?

I had a free consultation and she basically said that if we go through court it will end up costing a fortune and possibly take years. I was trying to avoid that and hoped she would stick to her word. 

yksi

And she hasn't. She can stop paying her half of the mortgage if she feels like it too, and take you into the territory where you lose your half of the house. The only way to force her is to go down the legal route.

You could in theory announce that if she won't sell it, you are moving back in. Would that maybe get the message through?

happy_penguin7

yksi said:

And she hasn't. She can stop paying her half of the mortgage if she feels like it too, and take you into the territory where you lose your half of the house. The only way to force her is to go down the legal route.

You could in theory announce that if she won't sell it, you are moving back in. Would that maybe get the message through?

I’ve thought about that. But the reason I left was for my daughter. She was so unhappy and was being heavily guilt tripped/manipulated by her mum. She’s so much happier now. I know she won’t want to go back and don’t want to put her through it. 

Has anybody that’s been through the legal route got experience of how long it’s likely to take?

yksi

happy_penguin7 said:

yksi said:

And she hasn't. She can stop paying her half of the mortgage if she feels like it too, and take you into the territory where you lose your half of the house. The only way to force her is to go down the legal route.

You could in theory announce that if she won't sell it, you are moving back in. Would that maybe get the message through?

I’ve thought about that. But the reason I left was for my daughter. She was so unhappy and was being heavily guilt tripped/manipulated by her mum. She’s so much happier now. I know she won’t want to go back and don’t want to put her through it. 

Has anybody that’s been through the legal route got experience of how long it’s likely to take?

I didn't say move in - I said tell her it needs to go on the market or you will. See if she will call your bluff. And then (if she still won't play ball) let her know that you will need to get a solicitor involved which will be very very expensive for her and she will lose a lot of the house value from this. Sometimes money talks.

Savvy_Sue

I'm not sure why you're still paying maintenance: you each have a child with you, surely that balances out? 

And as soon as the 18 yo finishes school, you could presumably start a CMS claim for your DD. 

happy_penguin7

yksi said:

happy_penguin7 said:

yksi said:

And she hasn't. She can stop paying her half of the mortgage if she feels like it too, and take you into the territory where you lose your half of the house. The only way to force her is to go down the legal route.

You could in theory announce that if she won't sell it, you are moving back in. Would that maybe get the message through?

I’ve thought about that. But the reason I left was for my daughter. She was so unhappy and was being heavily guilt tripped/manipulated by her mum. She’s so much happier now. I know she won’t want to go back and don’t want to put her through it. 

Has anybody that’s been through the legal route got experience of how long it’s likely to take?

I didn't say move in - I said tell her it needs to go on the market or you will. See if she will call your bluff. And then (if she still won't play ball) let her know that you will need to get a solicitor involved which will be very very expensive for her and she will lose a lot of the house value from this. Sometimes money talks.

The problem is.... this is exactly what she wants! She’s desperate for her daughter to go back and has said multiple times that I can move into the spare room. 😬

happy_penguin7

Savvy_Sue said:

I'm not sure why you're still paying maintenance: you each have a child with you, surely that balances out? 

And as soon as the 18 yo finishes school, you could presumably start a CMS claim for your DD. 

Because I’m trying to do the right thing by my son. And she’s officially unemployed (although has been receiving a £20k bursary for her training course but this doesn’t seem to count when it come to child maintenance 🤯)

TBagpuss

It sounds as though you will need to apply via the courts. Speak to a solicitor, and get them to do a formal letter about putting the house on the market and take things from there. 
Are/Were you married? The process is a bit different depending on that .

HampshireH

You had no need to pay child maintenance when you have a child each. Simply you can't afford a place of your own - that cash could have gone towards that.

I appreciate you say the right thing by your son, but she is saving a sum by not contributing to the cost of raising your daughter.

I agree with savvy sue you legitimately could and should be putting a maintenance claim in for your daughter once you have stopped paying for your son in July 

Your ex will soon get the message that you are not messing around. As it stands she sees an easy life paid for by you. Until reality hits why would she do anything different