Inherited house & family

Jinnydr21

I am looking for some help here, long post but I wanted to provide some background which might inform your responses. Nervous poster!My mother passed away a few years ago and her house was left to my sibling and I. It was intestate as it happened suddenly. I applied for letters of administration and obtained grant of probate and paid off small balance remaining on the mortgage. My sibling who was still living with with my mother continued to live in the house with their partner.Initially I gave them the option to stay and buy out my share or move out and we would sell it. Obviously at the time this was difficult as my sibling lived with our mother and it was our childhood home so I didn't want to force it. They went back and forth on this and the next year, they got pregnant, with 2 more children in close succession.Throughout that time, I was constantly telling my sibling that I wanted the house to be sorted out but it was always “when this happens...etc etc”. As the house is paid for they were basically living their rent free and it got to a time where I realised they were just taking advantage of the situation. They didn’t want to move out but weren’t making any attempt to pay anything to stay there. I even looked into the possibility of them getting a mortgage but only the partner works, and because of bad credit, even with owning half of the house, they were unable to get a mortgage for my half.When I tried to sell it caused arguments with my family because my sibling didn't want to move and I was accused of selling it out from under them and kicking the children out (Even though I was the only one who tried to help them hold on to it) I was basically emotionally forced into pulling out and agreeing to try to let them buy me out privately so they could stay in the house. I knew they would never stick to so just wasting more time. Basically the opportunity of an interest free mortgage here of less than 50k. They borrowed an initial sum from a relative of the partner and started making payments for the rest of my share. During the first 18 months they missed some payments which resulted in my father saying he would collect it from them (no doubt to pacify me)
I live abroad and when I returned to the UK at the end of last year, I found out they had paid hardly anything for the year. Which caused an issue between my father and I because I was being told they were sticking to it. I can only assume they must still be paying the loan back to the relative as it was via a bank.I just want a clean break at this point. My father becomes himself in the situation when it is for my siblings benefit or to keep them in the house at all costs because people treat my sibling like a baby. There is no issue with me spending my adult life renting from landlords and letting agents while they are left alone there in a completely paid for house. Actually that would be the perfect situation because I’m made to feel like I’m going on about it. I can see exactly what they are doing. Which is putting a strain on my relationship with my father.

I’m even doubting myself that I’m entitled to it now. Because I work and I’ve always worked I’m seen as self sufficient and I don’t have kids to look after. Relatives have told me I don’t need the money. Which is not true and completely irrelevant. I am in my late thirties and actually the money would greatly help my partner and I buy our own home.My biggest regret is taking the probate on myself and not engaging a solicitor when my mother passed and then letting it get this far. I know that already. . Because the UK is currently in the middle of a national lockdown I am preempting a backlash from my family once again if I ask my sibling to move out so it can be sold. Obviously there are children involved but my sibling would be getting half of the proceeds so its not like they would be out on the streets. At some point it would have to happen anyway because between them and the children there are not enough bedrooms now.If I could list it would I be wrong in taking action at this current time? What would be a reasonable notice period to give my sibling? Also, the grant of probate certificate is in storage with other documentation and not readily accessible. I may be able to locate it if I can get there but how difficult is it to get a court sealed copy, and what is the process?

Mickey666

Jinnydr21 said:

My biggest regret is taking the probate on myself and not engaging a solicitor when my mother passed and then letting it get this far. I know that already. 

Why not engage a solicitor now?
You live abroad so it's not the easiest way to deal with things, especially as the current situation has developed over a number of years, your sibling has clearly taken advantage of things and there will no doubt be a degree of expectation on their side that they can continue to behave in this way.
Appointing a solicitor to wrap up the estate and make the final distribution could be a good way of finally dealing with this whole matter because they will be impartial and strictly legal, so it won't be you making the decisions it will be following due process as defined in law.
It will cost money of course but it should at least mean an end to an upsetting and on-going situation.

pickledonionspaceraider

If you start probate, are you allowed to engage a solicitor if you have started dealing with it all - as I thought you could not

Jinnydr21

Really appreciate the responses. With regards to the probate process, it is actually finished and completed, not just started it. I do have the grant. Its just what to do next? Would your opinion still to be to appoint a solicitor anyway? or estate agent?  

sew_what

Surely your sibling should have been paying you rent for living in your half of the house?

tacpot12

I find your story very sad. Families can be so unpleasant. Why your mother didn't make a will is mystifying. We are all going to die, and in a situation where one sibling lives at home and the other is out in the world, it is an obvious problem that needs settling while the parent is alive to make their wishes and reasons clear.

It is one thing to be entitled to an asset, and another to have to assert your rights to the asset if it is going to cause problems.  Your sibling is in greater need that you are, if only for moral guidance, which they aren't getting from your father, and you do still own half the house. My advice to you is not to do anything, other than change how you feel about the situation. 

You will be villain of this drama no matter what the legal rights and wrongs are, and a solicitor won't change this at all. It might even make you seem worse as you might be seen as hiding behind the solicitor. It would be better to be magnanimous, and agree that your sister can live in the house while they want to. You have your life and have greater earning potential because you don't have children. You could, if you live longer than your sister benefit from the capital appreciation of the house. If your sister were to die, I expect she would leave her half of the house to her partner or her children, but you will have less family problems if you try to evict her partner after the children have grown up and left home (assuming they do). 

You may inherit your half eventually, and you should certainly consider making a will. You have a choice who you leave your half of the house to. It might be difficult at the moment, but I would definitely consider leaving it to your sister. You could leave it to your best friend with instructions that your sister's family are to be evicted with prejudice, and you could leave your friend with sufficient cash to ensure that they can pay the legal bills to make this happen, but this is not going to endear you to your family and would clearly be done out of spite.
  

RAS

Jinny
Is the house still in your mother's name or in joint names with your sister now?

I'd suggest you write to your sister and tell her you are going to put it in the hands of a solicitor if she does not agree to the house sale. As you've already identified, they've failed to keep to the agreement for them to purchase. Explain to your sister that the legal fees will have to be paid from the house sale.

Unfortunately you may have to have words with your dad about keeping out of the situation.

Jinnydr21

tacpot12 said:

I find your story very sad. Families can be so unpleasant. Why your mother didn't make a will is mystifying. We are all going to die, and in a situation where one sibling lives at home and the other is out in the world, it is an obvious problem that needs settling while the parent is alive to make their wishes and reasons clear.

It is one thing to be entitled to an asset, and another to have to assert your rights to the asset if it is going to cause problems.  Your sibling is in greater need that you are, if only for moral guidance, which they aren't getting from your father, and you do still own half the house. My advice to you is not to do anything, other than change how you feel about the situation. 

You will be villain of this drama no matter what the legal rights and wrongs are, and a solicitor won't change this at all. It might even make you seem worse as you might be seen as hiding behind the solicitor. It would be better to be magnanimous, and agree that your sister can live in the house while they want to. You have your life and have greater earning potential because you don't have children. You could, if you live longer than your sister benefit from the capital appreciation of the house. If your sister were to die, I expect she would leave her half of the house to her partner or her children, but you will have less family problems if you try to evict her partner after the children have grown up and left home (assuming they do). 

You may inherit your half eventually, and you should certainly consider making a will. You have a choice who you leave your half of the house to. It might be difficult at the moment, but I would definitely consider leaving it to your sister. You could leave it to your best friend with instructions that your sister's family are to be evicted with prejudice, and you could leave your friend with sufficient cash to ensure that they can pay the legal bills to make this happen, but this is not going to endear you to your family and would clearly be done out of spite.
  

I fully appreciate what you are saying. My only issue with doing this is that I am 38 and do actually want to buy a house at some point. Despite what my family think, I am not rich. Far from it. I'm on 25k a year. Many of my family members are actually a lot better off than me. The house was left to both of us which is what my mother always said. So how can it be fair that I spend my life working to try to scrape together a deposit and pay a mortgage while my sibling sits at home all day win a house completely paid of without any care. 

RAS

Jinny, tacpot make virtually the same comment on every case here where there is a problem within a family with the distribution of an estate.

Mickey666

tacpot12 said:

You will be villain of this drama no matter what the legal rights and wrongs are, and a solicitor won't change this at all. It might even make you seem worse as you might be seen as hiding behind the solicitor. 
  

I wouldn't see such a move as 'hiding behind the solicitor', more a reluctant acceptance that the OP can no longer cope with the stress of administration in the face of unreasonable and unfair behaviour by their sibling and seemingly little support from the father.  The family would not have been able to behave in the way they have if a solicitor had been appointed on day one.  The OP has made a valiant effort in dealing with a very difficult situation and their family have given zero support to the correct due process.  Appointing a solicitor now would cut through all the family issues right to the legal core of the matter.

Jinnydr21

RAS said:

Jinny
Is the house still in your mother's name or in joint names with your sister now?

I'd suggest you write to your sister and tell her you are going to put it in the hands of a solicitor if she does not agree to the house sale. As you've already identified, they've failed to keep to the agreement for them to purchase. Explain to your sister that the legal fees will have to be paid from the house sale.

Unfortunately you may have to have words with your dad about keeping out of the situation.

Thank you for this. Yes it is still in my mother's name.
I am more than willing to do this. And it will most definitely lead to words with my dad. If I contact her re the house I get no response and a call from him within 10 minutes later. Its all been completely avoidable.