Move family in to care for my mother whom lives with dementia

Kingbroady

My mother lives alone with dementia and Alzheimers and has carer visits 4 times a day. However, I feel she now needs my family and I to live with her. I would ideally like to sell our house and use some of the capital to build an extension on her house allowing us to all to live together and care for her.

This sounds simple but expect the path to become increasingly difficult in doing so.

My brother and I have LPA and will receive an even 50% split of everything when she passes. I am unsure on how to proceed as I want to ensure he would receive what he is precisely entitled to.

Ideally, I wish for her to remain in our home until that time to be cared for. However, should she require a nursing home, would I be then eligible for her fees?

I'm not trying to avoid paying what is needed, I just need to know the correct path to take as in doing the right thing seems straightforward, the subsequent issues then make me think there is far more to consider. Has anyone done the same and can offer any advice, please?

AdrianC

She will always be eligible to pay for her care home fees. Nobody else.

But, of course, she has substantial assets - after all, she owns a house. And if that house needs to be sold to pay her fees, so be it.
(Very limited exceptions apply)

Yes, when she dies, you will each inherit 50% of her remaining assets... left over after she's paid for any care she needs during her life.

If you move into her house, and pay to extend it, that starts to get VERY complex as to what are her assets and what are yours.
If you split ownership of the house, then you would need to establish what the market value of the property is, so that you can establish what value of asset is coming to you.

Do you have the first clue as to what you're letting yourself in for as her dementia progresses?
I strongly recommend you read this... https://www.hive.co.uk/Product/Oliver-James/Contented-Dementia--24-hour-Wraparound-Care-for-Lifelong-Well-being/136788

elsien

Whether she would need to pay for her care would depend on whether she was eligible for health funding or not. It is difficult to get, so presume she will need to self fund.
Her house would obviously form part of her assets, so if she needed to realise that how would that work for your family in your extension, potentially having to up sticks and find somewhere else? 

There can be a deferred payment agreement that that would still mean her care costs being paid for out of her estate when she passed. 

I think this is something you would need to take proper legal advice on - perhaps the money you invest could be in the form of a charge on the property, for example.
As someone else says, don’t underestimate the impact of dementia on those around the person. It can work. But if the person is up all night, or showing difficult behaviour - paranoia, verbal and physical aggression, that will impact not only on the primary carer but the rest of the family as well. 

Who is the person the bulk of the day to day care will fall on? Are you both working? Is the main carer able to manage that, and the care of the home/family as well? 

You need to hope for the best case scenario but also plan for what happens if she’s not able to stay at home.

xylophone

Would it be possible for you to sell and buy a house very close to your mother so as to enable daily visits and overnight stays if necessary?

I knew an elderly couple whose son and family lived in a house on the other side of the road - independence but convenience for all.

Bobziz

What stage is your mum at ? With my mum we went from reasonably ok to a care home being the only option in the space of about 6 months. We tried live in carers but even that was unsustainable. As others have alluded to, please don't underestimate the level of care that may be required 24/7. It is physically and emotionally draining.
Xylophones suggestion may be a good one, but be prepared to change plans rapidly.
Very best wishes.

greatcrested

I wonder about the timescales. How long will it take to put this plan into action? Get architect to draw up plans, apply for /obtain planning permission, go to tender and get builder contract in place, construction phase....?

Dementia can develop very slowly... or rapidly. It may be that by the halfway through this process your mother has already gone beyond the point where the current arrangement is working.

As for the finances /legals of your plan:

* who will pay for the extension? You or your mother? Has mother sufficient savings/investments to pay for the extension?

* if you will pay, will that be a loan to your mother who will continue to own her property? The loan could then be repaid to you from her Estate on her death, with the balance of the Estate split 50/50. Meanwhile, would you pay rent for living in her home?

* or would the property be transferred into joint names? Yours and mother's? Assuming the extension adds, say, 20% to the overall value of the property, you could own as Tenants In Common with 80/20 shares.

* if mother went into care, her 80% share would be included in the Local Authority assessment of her assets, so she'd be unlikely to receive LA funding. What would you then do? Could you/brother afford to pay (it's expensive!)? Or would you have to sell the jointly-owned house to pay her fees? You'd then have to move....again.

* it's possible the LA would advance the funds and pay her care costs with a loan, backed up by a Charge on the property so that when the property was sold the LA would get th money back, but that is not guaranted

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/care/paying-for-care/paying-for-a-care-home/

sammyjammy

I would think considering you and your brother have LPA you need to have a conversation regarding what is best for your mother, i don't think this is it on the basis of what you have said.

RAS

There was a nightmare of a case where someone moved mum and disabled husband into a bungalow that daughter had adapted. OK, daughter made the major mistake of putting the house in her name despite both parties putting money into the purchase and adaptations.

It all unravelled spectacularly when brother found out and the Guardian's office became involved. The daughter didn't cooperate with the Guardians office and her entire share of the house was taken by legal fees, to be paid once mum died.

You really must take advice from the Guardian's office before you make any plans.

Pennylane

As others have said, tread very carefully.  Dementia is terrible and can be gradual or rapid and vary from just being a bit confused to being very aggressive and nasty.  My Mum had it for 4 years and thankfully her decline was fairly slow and she knew me right up until 2 days before she died but I have friends whose parents didn’t know them from Adam. My Mum was just very confused, tearful, sad and anxious in the final year and the pandemic didn’t help either.   I think what Xylophone said seems a good idea, buy a house very close to your Mum.  What does your brother think you should do? 

Bossyboots

Have you looked on the Alzheimer Society's forums.  It is well worth a look as there are people there with so much experience although I can almost guarantee they will suggest you not to do this.  Please don't underestimate the impact caring for someone with dementia will have.  It is hard work and soul destroying and when you live with the person with dementia you have no break from it.  I could list all the problems here but they are many.  Living nearby can be hard enough and would be a good compromise.

AnotherJoe

Kingbroady said:

My mother lives alone with dementia and Alzheimers and has carer visits 4 times a day. However, I feel she now needs my family and I to live with her. I would ideally like to sell our house and use some of the capital to build an extension on her house allowing us to all to live together and care for her.

This sounds simple but expect the path to become increasingly difficult in doing so.

My brother and I have LPA and will receive an even 50% split of everything when she passes. I am unsure on how to proceed as I want to ensure he would receive what he is precisely entitled to.

Ideally, I wish for her to remain in our home until that time to be cared for. However, should she require a nursing home, would I be then eligible for her fees?

I'm not trying to avoid paying what is needed, I just need to know the correct path to take as in doing the right thing seems straightforward, the subsequent issues then make me think there is far more to consider. Has anyone done the same and can offer any advice, please?

My father ultimately died of Az. It dragged on for years. So, speaking from some experience, and dont take this unkindly, but I think you are grossly underestimating the physical and mental toll caring for someone with it.

If you build an extension on her house that will be expensive, and quite possibly take so long that, again being realistic here, by the time its done, there's a good possibility your mother will at best need to go into care anyway. And what happens if when that time comes you are half way through the build and need to sell it to raise money for care?

I would start as others have said by renting nearby and seeing how you cope with caring, maybe take turns there sleeping overnight, before you get into the hard work of having an extension built whilst caring for your mother in the same house ?!

There's no disgrace in finding out you cant cope with it.