Ex wife / House / Mortgage / Kids

sassyblue

doobleduck said:

May as well add the following:

When I lived in the house, I worked, did the garden and did most of the cleaning.  We built up silly debts over the years of around £40,000.  £25,000 of that was a loan attached to the house.. all debts were in my name... 

These days things are different.

Ive spent the last 8 years building up a business which is now established and does quite well.  I can afford to help out a bit more.

As we split I said I would take care of the debts if she paid for the house.. and that's how things were left.

You came back earlier and said the CCJ is actually in your name and it hasn’t been cleared, are you actively paying it off? Because if not it will have now been attached to the property.

As someone else said it sounded like you signed something to sever the joint tenancy of the property, were you ever sent a document from the Court outlining the details of any finances between you and what was to happen to them? This would specifically have mentioned the property? It doesn’t sound like it to be honest.

Like the above poster I find this whole story quite terrifying, you’ve got a mortgage and a CCJ outstanding with your name on and a business you’ve built up, it’s not beyond the realms of possibility that you end up being pursued for money.  If the house is worth £95,000 and the interest only mortgage upon it is at a similar level and repayments are not being made in full, what’s to stop the mortgage company filing for repossession at any time? 

sassyblue

'Am I allowed to simply take them, forcing my ex to take me to court?  maybe that's the route...  My partner and I have discussed speaking with a solicitor, but I feel my partner wouldn't really love having my kids here as she finds it stressful right now with two already here, and trying to run the office for our small business, and trying to home school...  despite this Ive said several times its best for them to be with me/us'

Another thing, maintenance should be paid until each child finishes education. I’m not impressed with your partner saying you should cease maintenance for your eldest when she’s 18 if you can afford to pay considering the life she has, nor that she wouldn’t want your children living with you, again considering their home and home life I find that heartbreaking.  I’d be having serious words with your current partner too.

Regarding your comments above, yes you can simply keep the children with you. Your ex would have to go through the courts to argue the case to have them returned but with no money and no equity in the house to raise funds from the likelihood is slim for her to obtain legal assistance, unless she’s clever enough to pursue this herself but court fees are still payable.  In the first instance she would call the police but the police wouldn’t do anything, they would advise your ex to go through the courts, also the children are of an age where their wishes would be taken into account and if they wanted to stay with you there’s not much the police or the court can do.

doobleduck

gizmo111 said:

She will never accept my help, but I think the only help I could do would be increasing the maintenance I provide.. however with this my current partner would not be overly keen - she believes that my ex will simply spend the money on herself instead of the girls/house etc.  She also thinks I should stop paying maintenance when they reach 18.. anyway that's another bridge to cross.
You could speak to your ex and directly pay tradesmen to do the work on the house.  When they reach 18 if you want to contribute to them you can do that direct to their bank accounts.

Thanks.. Believe it or not Ive offered and tried this many times.. literally.. she always refuses.  She would rather do it all herself (unsuccessfully) than accept help.

doobleduck

Thanks to all of you.  You've given me more than enough help and advice, which I am very grateful for.  I have a lot to go on now and so much to work through.

TBagpuss

OK, the issues about the children and the issues about the house are separate.

Children: Do NOT just take them. depending on the wording of the current order this may be a breach of the order, but in any event, unless there is an immediate emergency it is not appropriate. You need to apply back to court to vary the existing order and provide for the children to live with you.  If there is an immediate emergency then you should apply for an order as quickly as possible even if in the meantime you keep the children with you. 

If any of the children are over 16 then they are too old for the court to make orders and can simply decide for themselves that they want to live with you. 

House - it sounds as though your wife severed the joint tenancy on the property - this changes what would happen if either you or she were to die (you can each leave your share of the house by will, rather than it going automatically to the other). It isn't strictly necessary to protect her in the event of you going bankrupt as with a property in joint names the starting presumption would be that you have equal shares, and your creditors could not claim her interest in the house, only yours. A notice of severance is valid as soon as it is served on the other party and it is normal to send a copy and to ask the recipient to sign and return it, as proof that it has been received. 

So it may be that this, rather than an order, is what you signed. 

However, if you are not sure, then you need to find out. You can contact he court which dealt with your divorce, quoting your divorce reference number, as a starting point. 

Assuming that there was no order, you should contact a solicitor with a view to applying for one - the  solicitors will be able to advise you about appropriate steps to take to try to negotiate. Be aware that this isn't only about the house, it will also be about dividing any other assets such as pensions or savings, and that while the starting point may be an equal split, a court may decide it is fair for one of you to have more, once things such as needs, income and earning capacity are taken into account.

The court cannot force a mortgage lender to take your name off the mortgage, and if your wife has not been able to pay the mortgage consistently the lender may well be unwilling to do so. The court does however have the power to order a sale, if they consider that is fair, or to order a sale to take place at a specific future date, and define how that sale proceeds should be split at that time, so you both know where you stand. 

gizmo111

doobleduck said:

gizmo111 said:

She will never accept my help, but I think the only help I could do would be increasing the maintenance I provide.. however with this my current partner would not be overly keen - she believes that my ex will simply spend the money on herself instead of the girls/house etc.  She also thinks I should stop paying maintenance when they reach 18.. anyway that's another bridge to cross.
You could speak to your ex and directly pay tradesmen to do the work on the house.  When they reach 18 if you want to contribute to them you can do that direct to their bank accounts.

Thanks.. Believe it or not Ive offered and tried this many times.. literally.. she always refuses.  She would rather do it all herself (unsuccessfully) than accept help.

But you own half the house so she doesn't have to agree, same as if you decided you wanted to live there...

zpargo

You've done amazingly well given the circumstances. It does seem like a bad deal if one has to pay the mortgage and not be able to live there and also pay child support but these are the strings attached when you marry someone and have kids and presumably understood when you tied the knot. In view of this cohabitation seems a better alternative given the financial risks involved in marriage. Kids not having their father around will be damaging for them - I grew up without a father and the damage can last for decades let me tell you that. 

doobleduck

Phew Ive been away from this thread for a few days and just wanted to say thanks to all who have taken their time to really dig deep and try to provide some answers for me.

BarbCh

@doobleduck
You poor guy... this is a complete mess and minefield for you.
Your best bet is to speak to citizens advice and a solicitor.
Its damage limitation I think... and with your ex's frame of mind you are in a seemingly no win situation.... so cut your losses!
If she doesn't  pay mortgage then the house will get repossessed and you will all suffer in one way or another.
If the house is in disrepair, which I suspect that she has done on purpose.... hence not allowing your help etc..... is because she WANTS IT THAT WAY! 
It is still your house even though not your home.... so I do believe that you are entitled to enter it with prior notice and a quick call to the police with your intentions..... you need to ASK a professional for the CORRECT advice.... all of us commenting on here are doing so from maybe our experience and knowledge.... but everyone's situation is different and unique to their domestic circumstances.
Sounds like the situation will only get worse, so get whatever free professional advice you can.... and invest any money that you can, in obtaining legal advice.
As you are named on the mortgage... why are you taking her word for things? CALL THEM YOURSELF! And get their advice.... have any correspondence sent to you and not the mortgaged property.
Get a statement from them and mortgage settlement figure..... then you are armed with information for citizens advice/solicitors.
I hope this helps you point you in the right direction.... none of us are qualified on here to give you the advice you need.... and those that maybe.... are not allowed to say on this forum!
Also.... if it is interest only, then there must be an insurance policy that will pay off the capital at the end of term...who pays that.... and if it's  her, make sure it is actually getting paid!  If you cant remember who this is with etc.... as the mortgage provider.... and check if the policy is up to date or in default! 
Good luck mate..... 

Savvy_Sue

BarbCh said:

Also.... if it is interest only, then there must be an insurance policy that will pay off the capital at the end of term...who pays that.... and if it's  her, make sure it is actually getting paid!  If you cant remember who this is with etc.... as the mortgage provider.... and check if the policy is up to date or in default! 

That is not necessarily the case. We have a policy which will pay the mortgage off if DH dies before me, but that's not at all the same thing, and it wasn't required. 

That is why I asked what the plan was for paying off the mortgage at the end of the term. Our plan is to sell the house, either at the end of term or ideally before! That's not the only possible plan.