Mortgage/Ex/Help Please

Manchester1988

Hi guys, 
So to cut a long story short, my ex partner had her head turned in work, started texting a guy, we split and she's refusing to sell the house as well as expecting me to still pay for everything. 

We have been separated for 5 months now and I found out over a year before us splitting up, and that she was texting a guy at work, I'm not a particularly jealous person but I knew something wasn't quite right. I confronted her, she admitted it and and all seemed to go back to "normal" (foolish of me I know), afterwards we had our second child who is now 6 months old. After 4 weeks of our baby being born, she gave me the "I don't love you anymore" line and expected me to move out. We were together for 7 years, had a house for 4 years, and were engaged for 3 years.

I stayed in the house for a month or so until I couldn't handle it anymore and moved to my mothers. My ex as been on maternity all the way through and still is now (6 months of 9),  I've paid every single wage I've had since up until this point into the joint account which all of our bills used to go into, skinting myself paying for a house for my children which I do not live in. Since I found out she's now seeing this guy I've moved my wage into my own account and I refused to pay for her lifestyle (during lockdown might I add), all bills have had my name taken off them, excluding mortgage. 

I'm in a predicament that I'm unsure as to what I have\should be paying. I have no issues either paying through CSA or matching it. I have a conscious and I absolutely love my children, I will say it and I am confident that I am a damn good dad. 

Any conversations I have with her and her family turn into arguments. All I want is to receive my assets from the house, find somewhere to live and carry on my life. She however is outright refusing to sell the house as she "Will not, ever uproot our children", which I understand, however she's telling me to move on, how do I do this without a penny to my name? 

I'm just after some advice, as I feel I'm floundering here, financially as well as mentally with the whole situation. 

Thanks

AdrianC

You weren't married? So no divorce financial settlement.

I presume she can't/won't buy you out, and can't/won't get a mortgage in her sole name...

This is your main route...
https://england.shelter.org.uk/legal/home_ownership/order_for_sale/orders_for_sale
It won't exactly keep things on a friendly footing for ongoing child access... But maybe that ship has already sailed irretrievably?

Probably the better forum for this thread is -> https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/categories/marriage-relationships-families

[Deleted User]

Manchester1988 said:

Hi guys, 
So to cut a long story short, my ex partner had her head turned in work, started texting a guy, we split and she's refusing to sell the house as well as expecting me to still pay for everything. 

We have been separated for 5 months now and I found out over a year before us splitting up, and that she was texting a guy at work, I'm not a particularly jealous person but I knew something wasn't quite right. I confronted her, she admitted it and and all seemed to go back to "normal" (foolish of me I know), afterwards we had our second child who is now 6 months old. After 4 weeks of our baby being born, she gave me the "I don't love you anymore" line and expected me to move out. We were together for 7 years, had a house for 4 years, and were engaged for 3 years.

I stayed in the house for a month or so until I couldn't handle it anymore and moved to my mothers. My ex as been on maternity all the way through and still is now (6 months of 9),  I've paid every single wage I've had since up until this point into the joint account which all of our bills used to go into, skinting myself paying for a house for my children which I do not live in. Since I found out she's now seeing this guy I've moved my wage into my own account and I refused to pay for her lifestyle (during lockdown might I add), all bills have had my name taken off them, excluding mortgage. 

I'm in a predicament that I'm unsure as to what I have\should be paying. I have no issues either paying through CSA or matching it. I have a conscious and I absolutely love my children, I will say it and I am confident that I am a damn good dad. 

Any conversations I have with her and her family turn into arguments. All I want is to receive my assets from the house, find somewhere to live and carry on my life. She however is outright refusing to sell the house as she "Will not, ever uproot our children", which I understand, however she's telling me to move on, how do I do this without a penny to my name? 

I'm just after some advice, as I feel I'm floundering here, financially as well as mentally with the whole situation. 

Thanks

It doesn't sound as if you're married so you won't need a divorce.  You do need to get the property sorted out though which may mean forcing the sale through the courts if necessary.  This is something you should consult a solicitor about in the first instance.  In the meantime work out how much child maintenance you're supposed to be paying and pay it.  It might also be worth contacting the mortgage lender to see if you can take a mortgage holiday at least until you've sought legal advice.

moneysavinghero

Get a paternity test done on the second child. No point in paying if it is not yours.

SaintJudy

I don't mean to upset you but with the timing, are you absolutely sure that the new baby is yours?

Angela_D_3

Comes down yo what kind of home/life do you wsnt your children to have. 

Assuming they are yours.  

I don't mean to upset you but with the timing, are you absolutely sure that the new baby is yours?

My ex has spent £20,000 trying to evict his children from their home.  You think i wont show them the paperwork when they are adults.  £20,000 ciuld have bought a lot of nice days out,  holidays with daddy etc 

davilown

I think you need to look at this objectively - remove all of the bits that state what 'she' has done as they are irrelevant with regards to the house, except to get you some sympathy (which you may, or may not, deserve).

Your children need a place to live. 
You are happy to pay for this and to clothe and feed them.
Is removing them from their home going to help them?

She won't want to move as it's too much of an inconvenience to her and you probably can't afford to take her to court. The worst that will happen is 'she' will live there until the kids are adults - at which point you can sell the property and take a 50/50 split of the equity at that point.

If you don't want to wait for that, you could always not pay the mortgage and let the mortgage company take the house, though that's not good for anyone.

davilown

Angela_D_3 said:

Comes down yo what kind of home/life do you wsnt your children to have. 

Assuming they are yours.  

I don't mean to upset you but with the timing, are you absolutely sure that the new baby is yours?

My ex has spent £20,000 trying to evict his children from their home.  You think i wont show them the paperwork when they are adults.  £20,000 ciuld have bought a lot of nice days out,  holidays with daddy etc 

Surely that's just being vindictive and will only hurt your children further just for your gain? There's always 2 sides to every story

Carl2510

If you can’t get her out, move back in! And make it awkward so she moves out.

Angela_D_3

davilown said:

Angela_D_3 said:

Comes down yo what kind of home/life do you wsnt your children to have. 

Assuming they are yours.  

I don't mean to upset you but with the timing, are you absolutely sure that the new baby is yours?

My ex has spent £20,000 trying to evict his children from their home.  You think i wont show them the paperwork when they are adults.  £20,000 ciuld have bought a lot of nice days out,  holidays with daddy etc 

Surely that's just being vindictive and will only hurt your children further just for your gain? There's always 2 sides to every story

No whats hurting the children was ex trying to sell the house from under them for £50,000 less than it eventually sold for. 

Amazing how when a woman wont stand for any !!!!!! that’s vindictive and only hurts the kids eh ... where as having to leave their home would be a picnic.  

SaintJudy

Angela_D_3 said:

My ex has spent £20,000 trying to evict his children from their home.  You think i wont show them the paperwork when they are adults.  £20,000 ciuld have bought a lot of nice days out,  holidays with daddy etc 

Speaking as someone who has been the child in this situation, please don't do this.