Couple each with mortgage wanting to move in together

krebf

Hi all!

My boyfriend and I are thinking about moving in together this year however we cannot come to a decision on how to do so - please could you review the below and give me your opinions and proposals other than the only ones I can think of??

GF - I own my countryside 3 bed semi-detatched house and have at least £70k equity in it. I have three out buildings. 15 minutes from my office, around 20-30 minutes from his office
BF - He has a mortgage on his 35% owned shared ownership 2 bed terraced house on a new build estate with around £5k equity in it at the moment. His parents lent him the £5k which he knows they will want back should he sell the house. 10-15 minutes from his office, 30 minutes to my office.

I can see that our main options are for either of us to sell and move in with the other whilst finding our home to buy together. To me, it seems like the most logical solution is to move into mine due to the following points;
1. He has three rooms in his house essentially, (with an open plan kitchen lounge excluding the bathrooms) so I would be able to store anything that he wouldnn't be able to put in my house in my outbuildings
2. I have three bedrooms, a lounge, an office and a large kitchen worth of stuff to store somewhere which would end up needing to be stored in a weekly hire storage unit
3. He would have a room here solely for his office due to working from home and being a gamer
4. Shared ownership houses sell very quickly and easily
5. He doesn't have a lot to lose financially, my early exit fees would be a lot more than his whereas I could port my mortgage and add him onto it

HOWEVER, BF has said he would be miserable living in my house, even temporarily, due to the following:
1. I live in the country with no streetlights so he hates walking the dogs with a torch
2. There isn't really a shop in walking distance
3. He doesn't see many people on the dog walks to have daily chit chat with
4. It's not a 'new build estate' where everything is new and maintained by the council....

Thanks in advance people

v_rouge

Your situation sounds similar to something by boyfriend and I are going though.
I had a 2 bed leasehold apartment (with parking) and my boyfriend has a 3 bed freehold house (without parking). We agreed I'd move into his because a leasehold apartment might take longer to sell (not sure which one of your properties may take longer to sell?). As soon as I exchanged on mine, we put his on the market and are just about to exchange and we have our new house lined up. Even though my boyfriend's house is bigger I hate that there's no parking but I knew it would only be a temporary measure whilst we found our new home (with a driveway)
From a financial and space point of view it makes more sense for him to move to yours. Plus its lockdown so shops aren't open and its slowly getting lighter each day (could he do a lunchtime walk where he calls someone to chat to instead of in the dark?). You could price up what it would cost for you to move in with him such as storage unit, ERC, etc and the cost if he moved in with you as that may help identify which one would be better for both of you in the long run. 
Or pop them both on the market and whichever one sells first that's your decision made so that you move into the one which hasn't yet sold until its done?

moneysavinghero

Move into yours. Tell your BF to grow a pair and get used to walks in the dark in the countryside (no torch needed).

cooltt

Yeah.....so this has the potential to escalate and cause all sorts of resentful strife further down the line.

You both have valid arguments (and neither one trumps the other to be honest), so the pragmatic soloution would be to stay as you are until you've found a place you both like and have made compromises for.

The fanancial issues and space aren't really relevant either because you don't wont to live in his tiny rabbit hutch and he doesn't care how many rooms you have.  You're likely to go around in circles on this one.

AdrianC

With all due respect, your BF is a muppet.

greatcrested

krebf said:

....
I can see that our main options are for either of us to sell and move in with the other whilst finding our home to buy together. ....

This seems to be the key. You are debating which of two temporary solutions to choose, before settling on a completely different long term purchase.

So short term inconvenience should be ignored- focus on the best practical and financial choice and put up with some inconvenience - that in itself will act to motivate you to take the next step asap.

Of course, it sounds like choosing your 'forever home' might also present problems if you have such different lifestyles and different 'wish-lists', but that is for later and is not what you are asking here!

As an aside, since you are not married, and will be putting different levels of equity into your home, you should give thought to how you own, and what would happen should you later split up. Own as Tenants In Common, not Joint Tenants, with a Deed specifying either that you own 50% each after the deposit has been repaid to whoever contributed it, or you own different %s eg 70%/30%.

davidmcn

krebf said:

please could you review the below and give me your opinions and proposals

Get a new boyfriend.

Seashell517

Both sell and buy somewhere together that you're both happy with? (If you can find something...)

frogglet

Id put the dog in the car and go to a busier place. We have a light up dog collar ( Leuchtie) a torch and reflective jackets. We always know where the dog is,with his collar.
We had shops we could walk to but never actually did.
Id be definitely moving to yours. 
It maybe he's loathe to give up his property as he may find himself having to start again if you split up.

MFWannabe

AdrianC said:

With all due respect, your BF is a muppet.

This 👍😂🤣

Annisele

Sell both houses and rent somewhere until you're ready to buy together?

I think it'd at least be worth having a look at Rightmove and thinking about which of the properties actually available you'd choose if you had to rent. It sounds as though you prioritise space and quiet, and he prioritises busy with local amenities. Both of those are completely valid - but if a quick look at Rightmove to find a hypothetical place to rent doesn't produce lots of options you could both live with, you're going to have a hell of job finding somewhere you both want to buy.