Couple buying house when one puts in 90%+ of cash?

Walker1

Run.

tunde10

It's very easy for everyone on here to say, everything should be shared and you're spending the rest of your life together. But statistically divorce rate is pretty high and most of those people thought they would spend their life together too only to regret not protecting themselves later.

By the way if you bought the house alone and you were only married for a few years and no kids. The assets don't get split 50/50 in a divorce if it's in your name. So don't believe everything you read. It's obviously different if you have been together 10+ yrs or so with kids.

But from the extra info given, i agree with the with others to delay getting married and see how the relationship goes for a few more years. You should probably just buy the house alone for now while she moves in. Do not charge her any rent as that is a bit weird. She can contribute to bills.

Korkyb

Unfortunately the fact is that over 40% of marriages end in divorce in the UK  https://www.relate.org.uk/sites/default/files/separation-divorce-factsheet-jan2014.pdf

I think given the huge disparity in the amount each of you is contributing then it is wise to protect what you have worked hard for.

In an ideal world you wouldn't have to worry about things like this and you could follow the advice of those who say that once you get married everything should immediately be 50/50 forever & ever - unfortunately life aint no fairy tale.

When my now wife & I bought a house together 20+ years ago she had a £10k deposit to my £2k (this was a 20% deposit for a then 60K property).

We agreed that in the event of any split that her additional £8k would be "refundable" to her before any division of equity from the house. This was put into writing by our solicitor & I felt it was absolutely the fair thing to do.

What then happened was marriage / kids / wifie reducing working hours (due to kids) & then after a relatively short period of time the £10k became irrelevant and everything really does become 50/50 with pooled finances & me having the higher income (we do still have separate current accounts).

In your case the discrepancy is greater so even more reason to protect yourself.

If the marriage turns out to be happy ever after then any agreement made gradually becomes less relevant & shouldn't in effect make any difference to your lives together.

In your shoes I would do what Mrs Korkyb & I did & have a legal agreement that your percentage of investment in the property is ring fenced in the event of a split (? the 96%/4% deeds division) - that way the issue only becomes an issue if you do in fact split.

You really need legal advice to see the cleanest way to do this & check how enforceable it would be in the event of a messy divorce.

If your future wifie doesn't feel this is fair then unfortunately that may be an indicator of how she is likely to approach the division of the house in the event of a separation.

I think if you go down any or the rent / payment route then that will be a regular / monthly raw reminder of what is a difficult issue to discuss & could breed discontent.

Bear in mind of course that as soon as any anklebiters appear on the scene then the situation changes completely & all previously agreed bets are likely to be off.

Thankfully money isn't something that her indoors & I have ever argued about (? we have the same outlook / values) but that just gives her more time to nag me about my many other shortcomings

I do find being an old romantic tough sometimes

steampowered

tunde10 said:

It's very easy for everyone on here to say, everything should be shared and you're spending the rest of your life together. But statistically divorce rate is pretty high and most of those people thought they would spend their life together too only to regret not protecting themselves later.

Exactly. People should hope for the best, but protect themselves just in case.

There may be a generational gap here between older and younger forumites? It used to be the case that you would share everything when you marry. These days I don't think many people do that.

Merging finances makes sense when you have kids or after you have been married 10+ years, but not at the start of a marriage. 

If the worst happens and you end up divorcing, if you have kept separate assets and bank accounts, the courts will generally respect that. You would only start ending up with a 50/50 split of marital assets after a long marriage or a marriage with children. 

Sistergold

Get a good lawyer and sign a prenuptial agreement to cover what you have now? Then buy another house together where each one contributes what they need to and shares are distributed as desired? The unfortunate reality is sometimes relationships do go nasty and those who contributed least fight for the most.
Just talking from experience also best not take more money from your parents as if things go wrong they are again the only ones who will come to your aid.