Tightening the belts for unpaid leave

[Deleted User]

ha ha @astrocytic_kitten - you are so right - I don't want it going on nachos!!!

We were going to go out and celebrate tomorrow night but DC1 is staying over at MIL's so I'd rather have a good night's sleep (and if we go out we will drink), so going to get a chinese takeaway instead (on me!).  It is such a relief but think it will take a while to sink in that I don't have to have sleepless nights anymore (well, not over that at least!!).

Blackcats

So pleased for you that you have completed.
£300,000 price increase 🤷‍♀️That's a really big price hike.  

[Deleted User]

@Blackcats - thank you!  I know, it's absolutely mental.

So, am annoyed with DH.  I'd asked him for the balance of his account taking into account upcoming expenses and he gave me a figure.  As I've now completed and worked out the CGT owed, I've worked out what we should have, cash, taking into account the balance he gave me.  He then reveals his balance is 735 less - because of nursery fees (which I thought he'd already accounted for) and a membership of his which required renewing.  As he points out, it isn't going to make any material difference to the house we buy but I am already putting in over 4 times what he is putting in (if we needed to use all the available funds we have) and I just get a bit annoyed, especially when I keep seeing transactions for the coffee van, whilst I don't often get coffees when out and about with the DC.  But he doesn't see it that way!  He's out with colleagues tomorrow night so god only knows how much that will be as he is quite generous when it comes to buying rounds!

Anyway, moving on from that(!) not much to report.  Have done my CGT return and written to all the utility companies informing them of change of ownership so just need to take all to post office (will probs do tomorrow) and send.  I do think we will be slightly over budget this month, taking into account DH's night out and the weekly shop to be done this weekend (new budget starts Tuesday) but am going to TRY not to get het uo about it.  I do, however, look forward to having back control of my finances at least from September!!

DC1 going to MIL tonight and we are getting a chinese (on me) to celebrate flat sale.  STILL nothing coming onto market so god only knows how long we will be stuck here!  DH out tomorrow night so I have a ready meal in freezer and then will do a shop Sat.

Oh and for probably the first time ever in my life, I have literally NO debt (as don't even have a mortgage but obvs don't count that as debt usually anyway) - I'd obvs rather have debt in the form of a mortgage at present though as means we'd have a house!!!!  Fingers crossed it happens for us soon.

Blackcats

I hope you enjoy your Chinese and perhaps that glass of champagne you promised yourself when the flat sale was looking wobbly.
It's tricky when one partner is a bit less careful with money and the other is really trying hard to be careful and keep an eye on spending.  Coffee run costs add up quickly as do night's out (well I think they do because it's been so long since a night out 🥺).  I remember going out for a meal with another couple and OH and I had agreed beforehand that we would go 50/50 (even though their share would be much higher as they drink plenty of wine, liqueurs etc).  Imagine my surprise when OH insisted on paying the full bill "it's our treat" he proudly announced and fought off any attempts to split the bill.  I had to compose my face into the smile of a generous benefactor very quickly.  On the way home he said "it was only £120 what's the harm in that?".  No wonder we ended up in loads of debt with his generosity and my buying of "stuff".  

[Deleted User]

@Blackcats - OMG, I don't know how on earth you kept a generous benefactor face!!!  

So, we are just feeling rather glum.  Just because there are STILL no houses!  I mean, there are houses, but not houses we want.  Spending has gone a little awry.  Chinese was £60.30 (it is a VERY good chinese) but we got far too much (and annoyingly, I'd asked for a half crispy duck pancakes but they only gave us a quarter (and did only charge us for a quarter) and that is my favourite part!!).

DH went out, but don't know how much he spent as he took his own card(!) rather than putting it on joint (probably so I didn't tell hm off!!).  We seem to have spent rather a lot on food.  AGAIN.  And DH has just filled car with petrol today so that's probably £60ish.  My diet and exercise has started today as my MIL made a comment about me being a size 16 yesterday (I'm normally a 10-12 but have ballooned somewhat after 2 kids in 2 years and lockdowns etc - not that I think anything is wrong with size 16, it's just that I have literally 2 jumpers and 1 pair of jeans and 1 top to wear as all my clothes are my previous size).  Anyway.  I was very upset last night and DH said she didn't mean anything by it (she did).  So enough.  I HAVE been over indulging and it DOES need to stop.  So we are giving up booze for 12 nights (as we are on a night away just the 2 of us after that so we want cocktails!) and I am giving up the bad eating.  I was going to do 2 protein shakes a day and a proper dinner but it is just too hard so today, I had a protein shake for breakfast then made a wholemeal wrap with roast chicken and cucumber for lunch.  Dinner is piri piri chicken (DH made a marinade from scratch last night and has left it marinading in the fridge overnight) with a tiny bit of coleslaw and soured cream.  DH wants to do chips but I might either leave those or just have 1 or 2.

After that chicken is gone, the rest of the stuff we have for the rest of the week is veggie meals (the good life range which is fabulous) and so will have those which really aren't too bad.  If I can then also not snack and booze, it should help.  Also starting C25K when DH gets back from work - he set up my phone to my headphones earlier so fingers crossed.


Get paid for 2 x BH tomorrow and it's also a new budget month which I'm relieved about.  I don't know how far we have gone over as DH not saying, but I know we have.

Sarahwithlove

Could your other half have a spending allowance and rest go towards saving a bigger deposit? I found that was only way to stop my regular coffees etc 

astrocytic_kitten

I logged into my fitnesspal for the first time in a couple of years this weekend, I’ve steadily gaining weight since my last flare (almost makes me miss the days where illness made me lose weight 😆) and I really don’t want to have to buy new clothes. Logging all my food mostly stops me raiding the fridge or cupboards every 5 minutes when I’m not even hungry. Don’t be too hard on yourself though, you need some kind of outlet with everything that’s happening.

I have no advice about what to do with your DH not being fully on board with the financial side, but it sounds like a real pain when you’re already stressed with unpaid leave and house buying.

[Deleted User]

@Sarahwithlove - I've asked him this previously but he doesn't want to be restricted.  I'm fighting a losing battle as I had more assets than him and a much bigger salary for a long time (not now, now we are about the same as I have changed roles and am PT) hence I'm ending up putting more in than him.  

So, I have now done 2 days on WW and am pretty miserable with it.  I also did the first run on C25K on Mon night and going to do second tonight.  New budget from yesterday.  Spent £15.20 so far on healthy food yesterday, no rubbish, so that is good.  DH needs to get us some milk later but that won't be much.  I bought some t-shirts but they all look rubbish so are going back - so nothing spent there.

@astrocytic_kitten - yes, the logging on the WW app def helps as I can easily see where I am with points.  Have stuck to it for 2 days though feel quite faint(!).  Probably just my body getting used to far less calories after stuffing my face for so long.  No booze for 2 days now.  Sleeping better.  

Tonight is salmon and potato waffles (only 3 points each!) from stores.  So dinner will be about 14 points I think when add in a bit of hoi sin sauce on top of the salmon.  Have had 6 points already (protein shake and milk in coffees x 2) so have 10 points left for rest of day - lunch should only be around 2 points as will be a pack of the wafer thin chicken, lots of salad and strawberries.  So going to have a root around kitchen to see what else can have, but need to pick up some WW bars tonight as they are nice and only 3 points so good for snacking.

Stuck at home with the 2DC today as the double buggy STILL hasn't arrived.  I need to call the supplier when they open at 10 as is meant to be delivered today but for second time, I have no tracking info.

Went to see a house yesterday but not for us so the search continues.  We've done quite a few mailshots and have had responses but none wanting to sell so far.  However, we will keep trying on that one!

Visited the nursery we were going to put both DC in from September and got a really bad vibe.  Desperately trying to secure them both a place at their forthcoming nursery but they don't appear to have much, if anything, so am waiting for them to come back to see if they can accommodate us.  At worst, we can put DC2 in the nicer place (as they have room for him) and DC1 in the other one - it was the baby room which concerned me more than the toddler room.  But am hoping they can accommodate both.  Have everything crossed as otherwise I don't know what we will do.

Just feel like I am making huge mistakes with everything in my life at present: selling, nursery, taking on this rental.  I feel like I am not my usual organised and savvy self.  I'm not quite sure what happened other than bad morning sickness, lockdowns, MIL dropping bombshell of no longer being willing to provide childcare without giving us ANY notice, being pregnant, having baby, moving house.  I don't know - all excuses probably.  It's just not like me to drop the ball.

HampshireH

[Deleted User] said:

@Sarahwithlove - I've asked him this previously but he doesn't want to be restricted.  I'm fighting a losing battle as I had more assets than him and a much bigger salary for a long time (not now, now we are about the same as I have changed roles and am PT) hence I'm ending up putting more in than him.  

So, I have now done 2 days on WW and am pretty miserable with it.  I also did the first run on C25K on Mon night and going to do second tonight.  New budget from yesterday.  Spent £15.20 so far on healthy food yesterday, no rubbish, so that is good.  DH needs to get us some milk later but that won't be much.  I bought some t-shirts but they all look rubbish so are going back - so nothing spent there.

@astrocytic_kitten - yes, the logging on the WW app def helps as I can easily see where I am with points.  Have stuck to it for 2 days though feel quite faint(!).  Probably just my body getting used to far less calories after stuffing my face for so long.  No booze for 2 days now.  Sleeping better.  

Tonight is salmon and potato waffles (only 3 points each!) from stores.  So dinner will be about 14 points I think when add in a bit of hoi sin sauce on top of the salmon.  Have had 6 points already (protein shake and milk in coffees x 2) so have 10 points left for rest of day - lunch should only be around 2 points as will be a pack of the wafer thin chicken, lots of salad and strawberries.  So going to have a root around kitchen to see what else can have, but need to pick up some WW bars tonight as they are nice and only 3 points so good for snacking.

Stuck at home with the 2DC today as the double buggy STILL hasn't arrived.  I need to call the supplier when they open at 10 as is meant to be delivered today but for second time, I have no tracking info.

Went to see a house yesterday but not for us so the search continues.  We've done quite a few mailshots and have had responses but none wanting to sell so far.  However, we will keep trying on that one!

Visited the nursery we were going to put both DC in from September and got a really bad vibe.  Desperately trying to secure them both a place at their forthcoming nursery but they don't appear to have much, if anything, so am waiting for them to come back to see if they can accommodate us.  At worst, we can put DC2 in the nicer place (as they have room for him) and DC1 in the other one - it was the baby room which concerned me more than the toddler room.  But am hoping they can accommodate both.  Have everything crossed as otherwise I don't know what we will do.

Just feel like I am making huge mistakes with everything in my life at present: selling, nursery, taking on this rental.  I feel like I am not my usual organised and savvy self.  I'm not quite sure what happened other than bad morning sickness, lockdowns, MIL dropping bombshell of no longer being willing to provide childcare without giving us ANY notice, being pregnant, having baby, moving house.  I don't know - all excuses probably.  It's just not like me to drop the ball.

Babies do that. Don't put the pressure on. It's all ok. Also these aren't your sole responsibility. DH needs to take some of that responsibility burden too!

astrocytic_kitten

[Deleted User] said:

Just feel like I am making huge mistakes with everything in my life at present: selling, nursery, taking on this rental.  I feel like I am not my usual organised and savvy self.  I'm not quite sure what happened other than bad morning sickness, lockdowns, MIL dropping bombshell of no longer being willing to provide childcare without giving us ANY notice, being pregnant, having baby, moving house.  I don't know - all excuses probably.  It's just not like me to drop the ball.

You’re being incredibly hard on yourself, any one of those things would be enough to throw someone off. And I agree with @HampshireH, it sounds like you’re taking on all the emotional labour.

I’ve never done WW, but I don’t think you should be feeling faint - don’t use this as another stick to beat yourself with, you’re doing the best you can. You don’t need to dive in at the restrictions deep end,
treat yourself gently.