Old homeowner visiting, thoughts?

lady1964

The previous owner of the house we bought a year ago came by to collect a parcel and I wondered what she thought when she saw that we’d made a few changes to the outside of the house since we’d bought, new windows and all the ivy removed, also we’d completely renovated the kitchen and dining room. Had she asked to look around inside I would have been happy to show her.

We know that the purchaser of our previous home of 23 years was planning to make a lot of changes to the layout, part of me is curious to see what’s been done, the other part doesn’t want to. I’m just glad I’m now 200 miles away so won’t be going near there any time soon.

RelievedSheff

We have driven past our old house a few times when we have been in the area for other business just out of interest to see what they have done with the place. We have never seen the new owners about but we would probably stop and say hello if we saw them in the garden.

Sadly after just 18 months they have put the house back on the market so their young dream can't quite have worked out as they planned and from the estate agents pictures they have completely (in our opinion) ruined the house and more so the exterior and gardens. But each to their own!!

AdrianC

Cookietree said:

We’ve been in our home for 18 months now.

Doing the front garden on Tuesday, the old homeowner’s son drove up, parked and then chatted how he had lived her for 28 years, was his mums house, happy memories, he misses the musty smell, why have you cut down the trees, she loved them, why you changed the windows, why the fence, etc.
it was a really uncomfortable conversation. I got the feeling he wanted to come in & look.

this is the second time he has spoken to me and The gist of conversation it is a regular occurrence him & his brother drive up & do a drive by and discuss the changes we’ve made. 

I’m tempted to tell him, impolitely to !!!!!! off, or complain - but to Who?
I haven’t, since moving here, gone past my old home once ..
thoughts?

<shrug> If his memories are so strong of the place he can't let go, that's his problem, not yours. Likewise his opinion of the changes.

No, there's nobody you can complain to.

If he continues to come round, and actively asks to come in, then simply say "Look, this is not your mother's house any more, and hasn't been for <however many> years. The world moves on, I suggest you do." and walk away from him.

Davesnave

Some people find it hard to let go, especially when their cherished memories are seen through the rose spectacles of time. The tendency to idealise the past is probably most strong in those whose present hasn't worked-out so well, so don't be harsh in your reactions. You know the house is yours now to do with as you please, so draw strength from that instead of feeling intimidated.

princeofpounds

I'm surprised by those advocating really hostile reactions. Lots of people will drive past an old childhood home on occasion, sometimes even chat to the new owners.

Yeah I agree the guy is being rude discussing the changes in the way he did. But he's been there only twice in 18 months and I bet you the gaps between the visits will grow ever bigger, if he ever comes back and engages in discussion again. He'll realise it's not the place of his memories any more.

Sure, give him the brush off and quickly terminate the conversation if it ever happens again. But swearing at the guy is only going to get you a load of swearing back - what is the antagonism supposed to achieve except insulting his childhood memories?

maisie_cat

Carl2510 said:

A swift **** off should do the trick

What a lovely friendly attitude you have there. The lady who lived in this house died, but if any of her family came by I would love to talk about the house. I'm old enough to hear others opinions even if they don't line up with mine and not be offended or upset.

Davesnave

princeofpounds said:

I'm surprised by those advocating really hostile reactions. Lots of people will drive past an old childhood home on occasion, sometimes even chat to the new owners.

Indeed. When my wife and I visited her childhood home, a self-build by her Dad in the late 50s, we got into conversation with the owners, who learned for the first time who'd built the house and the full history of the plot. Later, after letters and photos had been exchanged, the builder himself visited to view the now extended property and hand over the original plans.

Confrontation leads nowhere good.

AdrianC

There's a world of difference between a memory lane revisit after many decades, and two in-person visits in 18 months with accompanying criticism.

Davesnave

AdrianC said:

There's a world of difference between a memory lane revisit after many decades, and two in-person visits in 18 months with accompanying criticism.

Yes, but you deal with both in the same way, with politeness and a decision to limit the conversation if that's what seems the best option.

We have a neighbour who's disliked our presence here from the start, for reasons only he understands. It's unfortunate, but we're sure returning the hostility won't improve the situation, so we do nothing rude and get on with our lives. Seems to work.

Hannimal

A few years ago I visited the house I spent most of my childhood in. My great-great-grandpa built the house and my gran lived there until late 90s. My mum grew up in that house in the 40s and 50s, and she was born in the outdoor sauna that is still standing (albeit renovated). We drove there a couple of years ago to see the place after my gran died. The current owners had restored it beautifully and invited us in for coffee. They were quite happy to show us around. We are Scandinavian so it's very common to invite people in for coffee and baked goods, unlike here where people are a bit less inviting. Mum told them what the house had looked like when she was a child and shared a lot about the history and anecdotes that the owners did not know. We were only meant to ask if we could visit the pier quickly but ended staying there for a good while and the owners and mum are still in touch over Facebook and mum has sent them copies of lots of old photos. It's making me feel tearful just thinking about that day, it meant a lot to me and mum. I am glad the current owners are nice people and didn't get all weird about us visiting.