NST DECEMBER Don't Be a Martyr for Christmas

f0xh0les

NSD #3  Woo Hoo, I'm on a roll   Going to have to buy the last lunchbox tat of the year tomorrow, which means my freezer will no longer be full of their things so I could defrost it.  Rock n roll lifestyle. 

I find that my spending tails off dramatically as soon as the school run finishes, so I should rack up masses and masses of NSDs from 19th til the end of the year.   I have taken one kid C-word shopping, and it was horrific. He only wanted to buy his brothers some sweeties, but it was awful,  even at the supposed 'quieter time'  people everywhere, no social distancing, and hardly anyone was even wearing a mask, plus I had to keep shouting '2 meters' at the poor boy, who is totally oblivious as there is no distancing at school, and he kept forgetting the whole supermarket was not 'his bubble' like his entire year group is.   Part of me is impressed  I have kept them all as relaxed and unaware as they are, the other part of me can't believe it has not sunk into their fluffy brains yet - as the tv or radio is on constantly.   I fear he has already eaten most of the sweets he bought for his brothers anyway.   Kids eh?

Xmas payday is 18th this year so will have to make sure DH remembers there are 6 weeks between payments and he is not as rich as his bank balance suggests.   Bubble-burster -in- Chief.

Toni'sfriend

NSD No 9 still. Tesco delivery today. It arrived nice and early with nothing missing and no substitutions. All put away and for once didn’t have to squeeze it into the freezer. Got lots of things done and had a lovely relaxing pamper afternoon.

Chicken almost ready and just waiting for the Boy to arrive.

greent

Not NSD yesterday - trip to gorgeous local farm shop for steak pies🐮 and gelato 🍦and nipped into L1d1 on the way home for baguettes 🥖for sausage baguettes for lunch (bought gorgeous hand made sausages from a local producer in Thurs) and some bargain YS veggies

Today was spends in Icyland on soft drinks for Xmas hols and staples for DS2 of fish fingers... and onion rings and fries for some burgers over the hols, too   Also collected my new dining room ceiling light from n3xt - ordered it a month ago but delivery kept getting delayed. Now just need DH to sort it

Big Xmas trees 🎄 🎄🎄 both now up and decorated (living room - tasteful and coordinated baubles, family room = crazy multicoloured no scheme with 3 different sets of lights, tinsel, those strings of beads in varying colours and masses of decorations. Each of the 4 children have a small tree (approach 2ft) in their bedrooms and we have 2 further small trees - one for dining room and one for kitchen windowsill. Then there are the several boxes of ornaments etc which I still need to put out...  We have a massive bunch of mistletoe for the porch - obtained from the farm for donations to a charity for a local young lad.

Gym session today - bit achy now! 

Thankful for living in a lovely part of the country with lots of lovely food producers, for the kids getting involved in tree decorating, for easy dinner for most tonight (steak pie - I don't eat it), for working Central heating (boiler wasn't working first thing this morning - rather chilly! ❄❄)

5 more school days left  and then the alarms can all go off 👏👏

apple_muncher

Today I am grateful for getting out and about despite the grim grey weather, for my kettlebells, for my hardworking dh, for good books, for the end of term being oh-so-close.

Thank you mothernerd for yesterday's list - it was so appropriate in many ways.

facethemusic

Sunday- NSD 7/15, had a riding lesson but it was paid for already. Lessons are probably not very MS but I spend very little else on myself so it's not too bad. 
lcc86- no advice, but we've all been there!
Suspect I will have to buy milk tomorrow, but NOTHING else will be bought. 

f0xh0les

My DS4 is most annoyed his 3 older brothers all finish at 12.00 while he has to stay at primary school until 3pm. 

If only his brothers would stop mentioning 'Only 4 1/2 days left'. 

I just tasted the very small Xmas pudding I made yesterday as I had a bit too much mix left to fit it all in the big pudding basin, and it is really, really flippin' lovely!  yay!  I am all impressed with myself now.   Pudding sorted!  Tablecloth found, napkins ready, just need to buy some 'pulling explosives' and decide on the starter and main, so really I am well ahead of myself already . We have nobody to please but ourselves, it is just the 6 of us, and nobody is coming over.  Any pressure is self inflicted.  Happy Sunday evening Turtle-friends.  

mothernerd

I was very bad yesterday evening. mum has now started telling me things to get 'when I put in an order'. Well the two I did last week came last Wednesday and one will come this Wednesday (latest pre-Christmas delivery I could get). Still haven't got the microwave so decided to try and see if I could get the one from Arseda (wasn't sure if it could be delivered as part of a regular shop or whether I would have to do a separate order, or even if I could get a delivery). Well I didn't have problems getting on the site or getting a delivery slot and it seems it's okay to put a microwave in the virtual basket, just like in the physical supermarket. So I started going through lists of random items and adding them to the basket and went through a saved list of regular buys to jog my memory.

It started to mount up. I felt physically sick at the thought of spending so much (less than the big shop 10 years ago but a lot) but I couldn't seem to stop. On Wednesday the order included a turkey crown and I was quite happy with having that and making do with whatever else we had (fresh or frozen veg, a few things I've put away in a cupboard - choc biscuits, mixed 'crackers for cheese' and tinned non-perishable items). Last night (well it turned into the early hours of this morning) it felt like that old panic buying, when you can't remember what you have and haven't bought or if there will be enough so you throw things in the trolley 'just in case' (10 years ago I had DS3, his friend and two homeless kids living with me, DS2 for long weekends eating 4 large meals a day and filling a bag with food to take back, DS1 when he had a bar job at our end (still had a roomful of his furniture - he and his then gf were flooded out of their rented cottage, moved back in with me, gf left, DS1 left, furniture stayed another 12 - 15 months) and up to 11 people at weekends (4 or 5 nearly every weekend including any current other halves and others now and then plus whatever waifs and strays DS3 and his friend would collect in Manchester).

I've had parents drop their offspring off at my house before, during and after Christmas 
1) parents had both been through cancer treatment and were finding their youngest (a surprise late baby) a trial during his teens.
2) young girl whose father had severe mental problems, mum dropped her off after dad attacked her for no reason
3) one of our regular weekend visitors was expected to make herself scarce when dad's gf was around - would turn up on Friday still in her uniform and go back late Sunday or go straight to school from our house on Monday morning
I've even had a New Year dinner where none of mine were present but assorted friends or friends of friends turned up and as I was ill, they all helped put the meal together (including going out in the yard to cut home-grown broccoli and bringing the leg of lamb to me so I could sit at the table to carve it).

So back to last night and my panic/ meltdown. Got to the checkout, entered all mum's details and then it got referred to her bank (which has the wrong details and wanted to send a one time verification code to a mobile number I don't recognise). Mum already owes me several hundred pounds because I'm buying all the food on my bank card and then (slowly) claiming it back. So went back and tried to enter my card details (so delivery and billing addresses are different) and something went wrong in the middle of that and I couldn't get back on the right page. So gave up.

This morning I just felt like crying (we still need a microwave in case the existing one gives up the ghost at the worst possible time) so looked at some of my saved quotes but couldn't get my head round it. Then did a Will co order including a microwave (£15 more than the Arseda one and probably a bit more complicated - mum just replaces old ones with an identical two large round knob ones). They also had microfibre cloths (mum say's the dishcloths we have are rubbish), an alarm clock (big river company seem to want £11 plus for the ones I usually buy at one of the £ emporiums) and two pairs of wooden candle stands (delayed present purchase for me, as I couldn't make my mind up between the ones I've seen). Mum's bank has now got screaming habdabs so I got referred again and ended up paying with my card, then did a calculation to work out how much to add/ deduct from the balance.

Today I have made lunch (getting all the ends of packages out of the freezer), worked out a few possibilities for areas still to be decorated, taken more cards to the post box, went to Morries to get more cash for mum (we're still working through other people's present money after which I'll get refunded on the money sent to DS1, DS2, DS3 and wives/ gfs on her behalf, and then anything else she owes me. Got the balance for my account at the cash machine and once I've reclaimed and paid in what she owes me I will have a net saving of over £100 this month. I've just cooked tandoori chicken lumps which have been marinading overnight and two cups of beef gravy.

I am grateful for good food (tandoori lumps are delicious), having a turkey crown in the freezer and a variety of veg, for the walk to Morries, for receiving two of my preordered books (new titles in an existing series), for dresses drying on the radiators and for making the most of my 'past their best' clothes.

mothernerd

Sunday 13th December 2020
Children
Things can and do go wrong, lots of things are beyond our control (especially this year). Children will be ill (DS2 was miserable for two Christmases running - not serious but listless, not wanting to eat and just sitting on grandma's knee), fractious or just plain naughty (DS2 riding his tricycle up and down the landing on Christmas Eve of instead of settling down - he knew he hadn't been good). In general I've had pleasant pregnancies (kept me warm during the cold months and had spring babies not waddling round in the heat of summer) but making Christmas dinner with frequent pauses to go upstairs to be sick is no fun.

For some reason children choose to have accidents on Bank Holidays or other occasions when staffing levels are at a minimum (always worth taking note of local bin days, chemists on rota and emergency social services numbers - ours are usually in local papers or the council magazine). I took 12 children to a skate park for one of DS2's birthdays. I had all the parents contact details in case we ended up at the hospital (if you have them you won't need them) and there were only a few trees for shelter if it had rained. Luckily DS2 is a weather elf - I ended up trekking round a strange town one year because he wanted a sled for Christmas. Caused much hilarity amongst retailers but I got one. Just before Christmas it snowed and the local hill was perfect for sledding on Christmas day. 

Difficult Relatives
We all have them. Don't cave in to social pressure. Know your limits. If you can't do it whole heartedly, don't do it.*  One year a friend of my father's suggested that I invite him for Christmas. My ex-husband was already coming (because of the children). My ex and my father are both difficult and never got along (and neither made any attempt to hide it) so I declined. Come Christmas Day, the friend took dad a plated up Christmas dinner (he did a lot for the church) only to be told by a neighbour that dad thought he was having a heart attack and had gone to A & E (think this was before it changed to a walk in centre). So friend came to my house, I turned off all the pans containing Christmas dinner and got in the friend's car to drive up to the hospital. Met dad before we got that far - not a heart attack, must be something he ate (more likely the quantity of ale consumed the night before). Went to our respective homes. Restarted dinner, after a quick check to see if I needed to adjust my timings. Just as I put it out on the table, ex decided he needed to spruce up, want to have a wash, shave and dress in his new waistcoat (A friend I was relating this to said she would have killed him). I have had both of them in my house on separate occasions and both behaved deplorably and not in any way a good example for my sons. Mum asked me to have my baby brother round one year and he was an absolute joy, we all spent the day laughing.

* This is advice for anyone living with an alcoholic/ gambler/ drug addict and considering whether to end the relationship. First consider what you want to do and what it entails (lots of rules and work usually - control of money etc). If you are committed to the relationship (or think it is better for your children to continue), you have to ask yourself if you can do what needs to be done (maybe for years) and then if you can do it cheerfully. Accumulated resentment and possible over-reactions to your partner's behaviour can have as many adverse consequences on your children as their problem.

Meal Stress
Prepare ahead as much as possible. If a dish can be frozen, cooked or part prepped beforehand and frozen/ stored, do it. I don't think I've ever cooked a turkey on Christmas Day (I have wrestled a semi-frozen bird at Easter, dunking it in cold water and making its legs move). It has to be properly defrosted (I usually get frozen because then I know I've got it - I remember Jenny Eclair's routine about sitting in the posh SM car park in your nightie, prepared to do battle over the free range bronzed turkeys) and properly cooked. I've cooked on Christmas Eve, Christmas Eve Eve (23rd in real money), early December, frozen the sliced breast and lived on turkey stew/ broth for most of the month (especially when I was at college and collapsed as soon as term ended). When I had my total hip operation I cooked it the weekend before my operation (3 days after a house move) and did 2 massive ready meal and grab and go food shops (empty freezers, move house, let freezer settle, fill freezer, then during your once a day trip downstairs have a ready meal and then fill a bag with apples, yoghurt, crackers and other easy foods).

Simplify. Your family does not need sprouts with bacon and pine nuts. If you love to cook things like that, fine. If you are happy with SM ready prepared options, that's fine too (might be better to try a small portion of red cabbage and apple before you take your big knife to a red cabbage the size of a football only to discover that no-one likes it. I once made the mistake of sending husband and two small boys to the SM - they came back with a bunch of beetroot, even though husband admitted he had never seen it in the house before. Luckily either Delia (frugal food from the Blue Peter days) or Rose Elliot had a beetroot salad recipe (involved lots of grating and some orange juice - good job it was delicious because it was the most time consuming thing I made that year and it spilled on my best dress).

People having a difficult time
If you have experienced the death of a close relative or the break up of a relationship, every occasion during the first year will be the first one without/ since. If the anniversaries fall during the festive season then that can also be difficult (my mother's cousin lost her mother at the age of 16 - she left school, worked full-time and kept house for her father and younger brother). Some of us are introverts and need alone time to work effectively - too much enforced socialising is exhausting and traumatic (as for those people who insist we ought to be drinking something alcoholic!!*??*). We all have times when we have not been filled with Christmas spirit. As I have said many many times, if you feel the need to withdraw, spend time alone, do so. If you are depressed the worst thing you can do is to force yourself into false jollity.

This year more people will be homeless (including families), more people will be living in poverty, more will be ill, some disabled and sick people have had months of self isolation, more people will be struggling with their mental health (including children - I agree with f0xh0les, it's difficult to balance reassurance with reality).

I read this morning about taking an hour a day for self-care, for yourself. One hour is less than 5% of your day. It may be the most important hour of the day.

So come on turtles, share your festive disasters. I still have a few shockers up my sleeve.

f0xh0les

              mothernerd       How different this Xmas will be for you.

apple_muncher

I don't think I have any festive shockers, mothernerd! Christmas was not a happy time growing up - tho it wasn't all as glitzy and commercialised as now - but not doing cmas was normal for me. There were 2 families near me who I used to visit - one would let me drop in on cmas day and the other one did a massive buffet on boxing day for after we went and did a huge walk in the hugs park. And we usually went to church, so that took up some of the day.

Once I'd left home, I rarely went back for cmas -no point, really!

And once I'd married (at 33), we kind of did our own low-key stuff - no in-laws to dutifully visit; dh's kids were always with their mum and her family, so we 'did' cmas with them at some point before they went back to school. And that was always an easy-going time.

Once dd came along, we made our own traditions - all simple and easy!

This year we shall eat steak, homemade chips, mushrooms, veggies, cream... And a nice pud, prob a roulade.