Don't really know why I'm posting this, just need to get it out

CurlySue2017

My OH is the most laid back person you could ever meet and we never argue, we have disagreements but nothing major.

Last night we had a row and he completely lost his temper and punched a hole in the bedroom wall.  He yelled that it was over and got in his car and drove away but he came back not much later.  I don't know what to do.  He is so sorry and we have both been up all night and in tears all morning, he's asleep now but I'm still very upset.

I don't really know why I'm posting this here, I just needed to tell someone I guess.

breaking_free

A well thought out answer requires a bit more context.
How long have you been together?
Without wanting to come across as nosy, what was the row about? That bit of info will help forum readers decide if he overreacted or was pushed beyond the limit. 

Comms69

Well is this a "you didnt put the bins out" or "i'm sleeping with the neighbour, and the neighbours wife... and dad" kind of argument? 

Whilst physically lashing out is not a good sign, the context is 100% relevant

Penguin_

Sometimes those who appear laid back really are & can take so much before something trivial tips them over the edge. As others have said lashing out isn't a good sign but some context as to what the argument was about is needed here.

CurlySue2017

Sorry, I'm in a bit of a mess so didn't really think what I was typing.

We've been together almost 8 years.  We were disagreeing about a couple of things.  The balance in the home - he was made redundnt due to Covid but I'm still working (from home) so he picked up the household stuff instead of looking for another job.  But he isn't keeping on top of it, just doing the bare minimum and then gaming/youtubing all day. 

The other thing is that my car needs work and as an ex-mechanic he could do it for me, but he suggested I take it to a garage.  We are on a tight budget because he isn't working so I said that seemed a waste of money and it went from there.

To be honest it happened so fast, I can't remember exactly what was said that lead to it.

Comms69

CurlySue2017 said:

Sorry, I'm in a bit of a mess so didn't really think what I was typing.

We've been together almost 8 years.  We were disagreeing about a couple of things.  The balance in the home - he was made redundnt due to Covid but I'm still working (from home) so he picked up the household stuff instead of looking for another job.  But he isn't keeping on top of it, just doing the bare minimum and then gaming/youtubing all day. 

The other thing is that my car needs work and as an ex-mechanic he could do it for me, but he suggested I take it to a garage.  We are on a tight budget because he isn't working so I said that seemed a waste of money and it went from there.

To be honest it happened so fast, I can't remember exactly what was said that lead to it.

Sounds like everything just kind of piled on. Typical problems with both people under one roof 24/7. 

you need to have a good talk about it, and both your reactions - you said you cant remember what was said; but could you have overstepped the line? and go from here 

CurlySue2017

We haven't talked properly yet because to be honest I'm still quite shaken up.

I'm not sure what you're implying but nothing I said warranted that kind of reaction, I know that much.  We are both quite calm people and as I said, we very rarely argue (cliche but true).

I love this man and he is a good man, that is why I'm so scared by this, it is so out of character for him to react that way.

Comms69

CurlySue2017 said:

We haven't talked properly yet because to be honest I'm still quite shaken up.

I'm not sure what you're implying but nothing I said warranted that kind of reaction, I know that much.  We are both quite calm people and as I said, we very rarely argue (cliche but true).

I love this man and he is a good man, that is why I'm so scared by this, it is so out of character for him to react that way.

Apologies for not being clear - I'm saying, if you don't remember what was said; which you now seem confident you do - strangely; could you have overstepped the line in terms of context - please see my initial reply for the general range.

elsien

He has lost his job which aside from the financial aspects is a big blow to anyone's self esteem. You don't mention job hunting, but if he's not getting anywhere with that, that will be making him feel worse. 
You feel he isn't pulling his weight or doing enough to help save money. He may feel that he is doing things to a sufficient standard and you are unneccessarily on his case. You're both under financial stress. 
Sometimes people sit on stuff and don't talk about it (or even recognise how much of a problem there is) until it all gets too much and they blow. I'm wondering if this is what has happened here if it is so out of character.
I would suggest you need to have a conversation about what is underlying his reaction, rather than the specific triggers, and that it did frighten you. Not to cast blame, but more as a what happens next/does he need someone to talk to kind of thing.

CurlySue2017

So the implication is that I asked for it?

Thanks, but I don't need this.

Comms69

CurlySue2017 said:

So the implication is that I asked for it?

Thanks, but I don't need this.

No? The implication is that his actions dont excuse any possible behaviour on your part... It was a question; not a statement.