End of Life in Care Home

suejb2

fred246 said:

All go in and ask them to point to the two allowed in. Ask them to make the decision so you won't have any arguments in the future. They will find it too difficult and let you all in.

Hypothetical as my parents live in their own home.
I am one of five. There is absolutely no chance we would choose , we would all go

unforeseen

 Unless you force your way in then you will either have to choose or get turned away

Flugelhorn

Having arrived to verify the death of a great many people in care homes, I have found that there has been a huge variety of numbers of people there. In many cases there are some who simply should not have been there, they either didn't do death or death-bed vigils and TBH were better off remembering the person when they were still alive.  However they may well have felt the pressure from other family members to conform and be there. 
Maybe worth checking that people really do want to be there, may find that there are some who don't want to.
I wasn't present when either of my parents died, they still died regardless and I  remember them as they were. 

sheramber

One family in the same  position brought their mother home for her last days.  
They took turns looking after her 24/7 and were able  to be with her in her last moments.

suejb2

sheramber said:

One family in the same  position brought their mother home for her last days.  
They took turns looking after her 24/7 and were able  to be with her in her last moments.

What a brilliant and completely sensible idea. My idea of refusing to leave seemed gung ho.

annie501

Thank you everyone for your kind and helpful comments. I apologise for not replying sooner. A few hours after I posted original comment my Dad passed away on his own with nobody there. A sad state when a man who served his country in WW2 died alone without anyone from his family to hold his hand and tell him how much we loved him. I’m sorry for all the other families who are in similar circumstances.

strawb_shortcake

I'm so sorry for your loss, I'm sure your Dad knew how much he was loved by you all.

I know it doesn't make it any easier but my friend is a nurse, she has always opted fo work with the elderly, in her experience many people when it's their time to go often wait until their family nip out for a break before passing away, no idea why but just seems to happen, almost as if they don't want to cause their family the pain of seeing them go.
My Gramps passed away on his own, it was my turn to visit, I was outside the hospital when I got the call. I thought if only I'd been a bit earlier but I wouldn't have been allowed in as he passed away 10 minutes before visiting time.

Pollycat

So sorry to hear your sad news, Annie.

It's awful that none of you could manage to get to visit him before he passed away, but I too am sure he knew you all loved him.

I posted earlier in the thread and it's something that is on our (me & my sister) minds.

Visits have just been restarted, although behind a solid and glass wall, which my Mum doesn't really understand.

Mojisola

My father died during the night in his care home.  It was unexpected so no-one was with him.

I was comforted by something my mother used to say - "It's what you did for someone during their life that's important, not whether you were at their death".

Mum and Dad knew how much they were loved as I'm sure your father did too.

hb2

Annie, I'm very sorry for your loss. 

As someone said previously, it is very common for people to 'hang on' until they are alone and then slip away quietly (just as the loving family have gone to the loo, or for a coffee) so it is very possible that you wouldn't have been with your father at the very end anyway. I'm sure he knew that he was loved (((hugs))).