Nursery Issues anyone help? (Update)

sarahc44

my daughter was bitten by a friends son every week for 18months, she learn't to deal with it and now they are really good friends.she is not frightened of anything and still looking forward to school - even goes to his house for tea, bath and play without mummy now!!!!!!

I think you are making a mistake by removing him from nursery - you can't take hime away from every difficult situation he will face at school and he will face some.

Ask him not to play with the little boy - that's what I said to my dd and she always came to tell us whenever he was getting a bit hyper - which was classic before a bite. his mother disciplined him every time but i didn't stop seeing my friends every week because of it.

I know you want to protect your son but i really do believe that taking him from nursery will lead him to believe mummy will rescue him every time and at school you can't do that. support him, chat to the nursery find out what pre ceeds the bite - make sure that your son doesn't have to play with this boy.
if there's nothing wrong with his basic care i bet you can work this out

izoomzoom

mrcow wrote: »

You bite them back.

Show them that it hurts. Did you ever try this incidently?

I've never had to personally do this, but I've been assured that it works. Not suggesting the nursery workers should be doing this btw!

OP, I think you should put your concerns in writing to the nursery. If things don't improve then you're going to need to be recording events ) including thetruck incident).

Teaching / encouraging your children to do bad behaviour back / in defence IS NOT THE ANSWER.

No biting is the rule, and if you break it, you are disciplined. In our household it was removal from the situation and onto the naughty step.

How can you suggest that biting back is the answer ? ''Okay darling, it is okay for you to bite if .... happens.'' You'll have whole class / nursery biting soon !

mrcow

izoomzoom wrote: »

How can you suggest that biting back is the answer ? ''Okay darling, it is okay for you to bite if .... happens.'' You'll have whole class / nursery biting soon !

The reasoning behind it is to show the child that it hurts, as often they don't realise.

I've never had to do it myself, but know many parents who have sworn by this method (including my mother).

I was not suggesting that the child does it back in defense sothe rest of your post doesn't make much/any sense to me (if you care to read my post again, properly this time).

mrcow

We used to tell DS2 off, punish him by sitting on the step etc, but it took years to get him to stop. Invaribly he was always frustrated by something that had happened, but how you get a child to stop biting is beyond me.

This is the post that I was replying to.

You can give me a run down of the method you used in terms of your "naughty step" etc as many times as you like......but whatever you were doing.....it obviously was ineffecive as by your own admission it took years to make him stop and even now the solution is "beyond "you.

Perhaps my mother knew what she was talking about?

izoomzoom

I understand the reasoning behind the biting back - so that the child realises that it hurts, but teaching / encouraging bad behaviour creates more problems, imo.

Perhaps us realising circumstances when DS2 would bite and avoiding / minimising them it what finally worked for us, but there were still times when our backs were turned.

Thank goodness DS2 never bit another child, only his poor brother, so we experienced the situation from both sides.

nats3006

Just a quick update really, i wrote a letter to the manager of the nursery explaining it was upsetting me seeing the behaviour.

I got a letter back stating they are monitoring this childs behaviour and have a sheet of incidents, she also added James has plenty of friends at nursery and including some pictures that she had printed off so i could see him enjoying himself.

She said they are monitoring the events that happen on a weekly basis and i will be kept informed weekly, so will just see what happens.

Thanks again everyone for your support and replies

Nats

donna-j_2

It's just as horrid to be the mother of the biter, believe me. Every night I dread picking my son up in case he has had a bad day (he is 28 months).

Luckily our son is in a fantastic nursery who have identified that he is frustrated because he is uber-bright, and are taking steps to make the room set-up etc more challenging for him.

You can reason, bite back etc as much as you like. If a child is frustrated and cannot express the frustrations verbally, then it's a normal developmental stage to lash out unfortunately. It's not pre-meditated at all, so trying to get through to him does nothing. We just have to try and work on coping strategies (encourage him to use his words, say he is angry etc). These can take months though and a good nursery will certainly not offer instant results and look to exclude a child in a rush.