Nursery Issues anyone help? (Update)

affordmylife

Its wrong that you should have to move your son - hes done nothing wrong.

Dont they do exclusion or expulsion at Nursery. They should if they cant sort it out for you.

Anthillmob

affordmylife wrote: »

Its wrong that you should have to move your son - hes done nothing wrong.

Dont they do exclusion or expulsion at Nursery. They should if they cant sort it out for you.

my daughters nursery will suspend or even expell a child in extreme cases so i assume every nursery would have this.

achtunglady

affordmylife wrote: »

Its wrong that you should have to move your son - hes done nothing wrong.

Dont they do exclusion or expulsion at Nursery. They should if they cant sort it out for you.

I agree that you shouldn't have to uproot your son from nursery, it should be the child biting thats made to go elsewhere. No matter what nursery staff say, they cannot keep an eye on "biter child" every single second of the time he is there. The only thing i can suggest they do is to get the mum to come in and observe her son or to keep an eye on him while the nursery teachers can do what they are there for, thats teaching the whole class and not having to be watching for the biter child.

Mollymop5

As a Nursery Nurse I'd say leave your child at the Nursery he enjoys it.It is the other child who is in the wrong and you don't want your child thinking that they have done something wrong.Speak with your Nursery and ask them on their biting policy and what actions they are going to take.
When I worked at a pre school we had a child who would bite other children in frustration.Although we couldn't offer him one to one we tried to make sure he was always in an activity where he could be supervised.On the other side as a parent I would ask the other mother if we could chat about the biting.I'd ask if I could show the bite to her child(whilst she is present of course) and ask if I could tell her child how unhappy I was about him biting my son and that I was a bit cross and wouldn't be happy if it happened again.Often a telling off from another adult is enough to make a difference. I am quite happy for my family and friends to repromand my children should they need it and find they often listen to them more.
I hope things work out for you.

Nicki

My son was bitten a few times by other children in nursery and reception classes. Its not necessarily common, but nor is it not age-appropriate behaviour either. You are just as likely to encounter it if you move to another nursery.

I am sorry but I think you made a mistake by telling him to bite back. If he does do so, he may well get into trouble himself, and even if he doesn't you have given him the message that biting is acceptable behaviour in some circumstances. I think you should have first checked what the policy is, and then checked it was being adhered to, and then told your son to scream like a banshee if this other child comes near him for any reason!

I do know and understand how distressing this is. My beautiful daughter was bitten very badly by a six year old at school recently - a huge bite on her cheek like someone had taken a chunk out of an apple. It looked, and no doubt felt extremely painful, and I was furious at the time. That child also had a new born sibling, and I have to say it didn't cross my mind to blame the child's mother. I don't think for a moment that his, or James's mum for that matter, taught the child to bite, or condone it, nor were they there supervising their children at the time. With children at this age, particularly if there is stress at home, you usually need to recognise the danger signs and divert the child before it happens, then reward them for not doing it. Its hardly mum's fault if the nursery staff didn't do this.

All I would say if think about the long term messages you want your child to get from this:

Is it OK under any circumstances to bite?
Should I stick with a situation and try to solve it, or avoid it completely by moving nursery, job, house, marriage?
Will mum be supporting me to solve it?
Can I have any control over defusing an aggressive situation?

I also feel strongly that there have to be exceptional reasons to consider expelling or suspending a nursery school age child! Our LEA won't uphold this sanctionfor primary school age children, so can't think they would do so for a nursery child. I wouldn't want to be known to be the mum calling for it.

nats3006

Nicki wrote: »

My son was bitten a few times by other children in nursery and reception classes. Its not necessarily common, but nor is it not age-appropriate behaviour either. You are just as likely to encounter it if you move to another nursery.

I am sorry but I think you made a mistake by telling him to bite back. If he does do so, he may well get into trouble himself, and even if he doesn't you have given him the message that biting is acceptable behaviour in some circumstances. I think you should have first checked what the policy is, and then checked it was being adhered to, and then told your son to scream like a banshee if this other child comes near him for any reason!

I do know and understand how distressing this is. My beautiful daughter was bitten very badly by a six year old at school recently - a huge bite on her cheek like someone had taken a chunk out of an apple. It looked, and no doubt felt extremely painful, and I was furious at the time. That child also had a new born sibling, and I have to say it didn't cross my mind to blame the child's mother. I don't think for a moment that his, or James's mum for that matter, taught the child to bite, or condone it, nor were they there supervising their children at the time. With children at this age, particularly if there is stress at home, you usually need to recognise the danger signs and divert the child before it happens, then reward them for not doing it. Its hardly mum's fault if the nursery staff didn't do this.

All I would say if think about the long term messages you want your child to get from this:

Is it OK under any circumstances to bite?
Should I stick with a situation and try to solve it, or avoid it completely by moving nursery, job, house, marriage?
Will mum be supporting me to solve it?
Can I have any control over defusing an aggressive situation?

I also feel strongly that there have to be exceptional reasons to consider expelling or suspending a nursery school age child! Our LEA won't uphold this sanctionfor primary school age children, so can't think they would do so for a nursery child. I wouldn't want to be known to be the mum calling for it.

I can see where you are coming from , but i have let this go 3 times now, i didnt say he had bitten this boy back i said i would try to tell him to but only when he gets bitten, god knows why but he will not hit or bite this boy back!

I mean what gives him the right to bite someone and get away with it, IMHO i think the first time he bit James if james had bitten him back we wouldnt be having this conversation, because i know from experience if someone thinks they can bite/hit you then you do nothing they will do it again and again.

mrcow

You could always tell him to scream perhaps?

My daughter is quite petite for her age and so other children often think she's a push over or try and pick her up etc. What they never reckon on is her lungs......she just stands and screams if they grab/push/try to bite/snatch from her. They don't often try it twice. It's not something I've taught her or particularly encouraged, but I certainly don't think it's a bad thing as it keeps "trouble" away.

May be worth a go?

The trouble is that if it's not in his nature to react back (like my eldest), then you can tell him all you like, he's going to forget to do it when the moment arises. It's up to the nursery to sort this out.

maverickangel

As I see it, if I was at work and someone attached and bit me, I would feel completely and utterly justified in taking reasonable action in self defence. This could well include biting back. If I was in prison I would have more right to recourse than children in these situations. Why should a child, who has limited options to reason, run away, get help or have recourse to the judicial system be expected to "sit there and take it"?

If it was my child in that situation then yes, absolutely I would want them to take defensive action, especially as it appears the nursery staff are not able to adequately support the biter to prevent these incidents.

It's highly unlikely the biter would be excluded. It's really difficult to exclude a child even if they seriously injure other children or members of staff. A friend of mine who teaches reception was left permanently blinded in one eye when a child stabbed her in the eye with a pencil. Absolutely deliberately and completely aware of the implications. The child was not excluded.

Nicki

nats3006 wrote: »

I can see where you are coming from , but i have let this go 3 times now, i didnt say he had bitten this boy back i said i would try to tell him to but only when he gets bitten, god knows why but he will not hit or bite this boy back!

I mean what gives him the right to bite someone and get away with it, IMHO i think the first time he bit James if james had bitten him back we wouldnt be having this conversation, because i know from experience if someone thinks they can bite/hit you then you do nothing they will do it again and again.

I can really relate with how upset you are. I was (am) too about what happened to my child.

I really think you need to make an appointment to see the nursery teacher urgently to discuss this with them. They need to know how upset you are about all this, and you need to know exactly what they are going to do about it.

I'm not sure though that you can draw the kind of conclusions, and make the kind of judgments you are making about a 4 year old boy, who is having a difficult emotional time at home. I'd be amazed to be honest if his actions are at all pre-meditated, or if he is singling your child out as a soft target. I think it is much more likely that your son has been unlucky to be in the firing line, when James's feelings have got too much for him either because he is a friend of James, or because they have been placed in activity sets together, so he has been close at hand. If this is the case, then that is definitely something the nursery can do something about.

and I still think you shouldn't tell him to bite back, but that's my personal opinion. He's your child, and if you disagree with my reasoning, then you need to make your own decision on that.

misty

My son was bitten a few times when he was at nursery - the first time I was prepared for them to just talk to the other child's mother. The second time they were going to keep a close eye on them - what apart from the close eye both parents are already paying you to? The third time - i asked to speak to the manager - I didn't want this leaving to continue. They talked me through a detailed procedure - which as far as I remember was something like

1. more one to one supervision for both children.
2. missing out on "treat" activities by biter
3. removal of child from class to other class
4 various other things
5 asking for child's removal from nursery

I think because nurseries are inspected under ofsted like schools they have to have strategies in place for specific problems that occur and ways to overcome them.