What to do?? Declaration of Trust, or otherwise.???

burlingtonfl6

Keep your interest in the property and don't give in to your sibling.

Aranyani

Is your mother of sound mind?  If so, maybe let her make her own mistakes?  If not, report your sister for elder abuse.

TopSound

Aranyani said:

Is your mother of sound mind?  If so, maybe let her make her own mistakes?  If not, report your sister for elder abuse.

That in itself is a very subjective thing!!
Legally and technically she is, but it's clear she's being manipulated, but what really hurts is she herself has tried to manipulate me too; whilst I want to wipe my hands of the situation but I still want some semblance of a relationship with my mother - she's my mother!!
Whilst worst case I sign it over and this all backfires for her, if she came to me for help later down the line, then I'd have to tell her where to go - the difficulty is that if it was a stranger it'd be a lot easier turning her away at that point; but she's my mother! I can't deny my own feelings of right and wrong wouldn't let me turn her away without helping, and that's sad as it's self inflicted!
Thank you for your reply.

Aranyani

TopSound said:

Aranyani said:

Is your mother of sound mind?  If so, maybe let her make her own mistakes?  If not, report your sister for elder abuse.

That in itself is a very subjective thing!!
Legally and technically she is, but it's clear she's being manipulated, but what really hurts is she herself has tried to manipulate me too; whilst I want to wipe my hands of the situation but I still want some semblance of a relationship with my mother - she's my mother!!
Whilst worst case I sign it over and this all backfires for her, if she came to me for help later down the line, then I'd have to tell her where to go - the difficulty is that if it was a stranger it'd be a lot easier turning her away at that point; but she's my mother! I can't deny my own feelings of right and wrong wouldn't let me turn her away without helping, and that's sad as it's self inflicted!
Thank you for your reply.

What I would do in your situation. 

Sign the house over to your mum, its her house after all, and you've never paid for it.  Get rid of the burden and stress.  

Then leave your mum and sister to do whatever they want, and just visit occasionally for a social visit, don't get too over involved.  Live your life, don't worry about the future.  If it does hit the fan down the line you will have years of practice of living independently from these people and you will be strong enough to keep that distance and not be suckered. 

TopSound

Aranyani said:

What I would do in your situation. 

Sign the house over to your mum, its her house after all, and you've never paid for it.  Get rid of the burden and stress.  

Then leave your mum and sister to do whatever they want, and just visit occasionally for a social visit, don't get too over involved.  Live your life, don't worry about the future.  If it does hit the fan down the line you will have years of practice of living independently from these people and you will be strong enough to keep that distance and not be suckered. 

Thanks - is it stupid to foresee this problem and not try to mitigate it?
As much as I "will be strong enough to keep distance" if she ends up screwed over with no where to live, my sibling won't be the one to help her.

TopSound

I should add for full clarity, I'm the sister, the brother is doing this because in asian culture the guy is considered the "rightful" heir to any estate.

I don't have any issue signing anything over to anyone else I don't particularly want this burden, but I don't want the burden later down the line of picking up the pieces when peoples selfishness (the like of which I've never seen) come through!

Are there any other alternatives here?

Aranyani

TopSound said:

Aranyani said:

What I would do in your situation. 

Sign the house over to your mum, its her house after all, and you've never paid for it.  Get rid of the burden and stress.  

Then leave your mum and sister to do whatever they want, and just visit occasionally for a social visit, don't get too over involved.  Live your life, don't worry about the future.  If it does hit the fan down the line you will have years of practice of living independently from these people and you will be strong enough to keep that distance and not be suckered. 

Thanks - is it stupid to foresee this problem and not try to mitigate it?
As much as I "will be strong enough to keep distance" if she ends up screwed over with no where to live, my sibling won't be the one to help her.

Its not stupid, its protecting yourself, your own finances and your sanity!

Your mother is not your responsibility, she is an adult, how old is she?

Mojisola

TopSound said:

I should add for full clarity, I'm the sister, the brother is doing this because in asian culture the guy is considered the "rightful" heir to any estate.
I don't have any issue signing anything over to anyone else I don't particularly want this burden, but I don't want the burden later down the line of picking up the pieces when peoples selfishness (the like of which I've never seen) come through!
Are there any other alternatives here?

As the daughter in an Asian family, just as your brother expects to get all the money, he will expect you to do all the caring.

Could you walk away and leave your mother badly treated by him?  Probably not - so, if you're going to have to take on that role, the least you can do for yourself is hang on to some financial assets.

Would you consider the fairly extreme line of forcing a sale of the house so that you can realise the money you have tied up in the house.

In the meantime, assuming that the house is registered with the Land Registry, set up a Property Alert in case your brother tries anything underhand.

https://propertyalert.landregistry.gov.uk/

TopSound

Aranyani said:

Its not stupid, its protecting yourself, your own finances and your sanity!

Your mother is not your responsibility, she is an adult, how old is she?

I'm trying to also long term protect myself and my future family from the drama and tension that will unfold should things go wrong. My sanity will be equally as affected at that point too if not moreso if I'm then trying to manage my own family and raise my own kids etc, and whilst she's not my responsibility, I can foresee how this is going to bite everyone in the backside including myself and I'm doing my best to mitigate it.

TopSound

Mojisola said:

As the daughter in an Asian family, just as your brother expects to get all the money, he will expect you to do all the caring. Could you walk away and leave your mother badly treated by him?  Probably not - so, if you're going to have to take on that role, the least you can do for yourself is hang on to some financial assets. Would you consider the fairly extreme line of forcing a sale of the house so that you can realise the money you have tied up in the house.In the meantime, assuming that the house is registered with the Land Registry, set up a Property Alert in case your brother tries anything underhand. [link]

Thanks for your reply. 
In all likelihood I'd like to think I'd be strong enough to turn her away if she let herself get done over, but in reality I don't think I could. I've not always had a bad relationship with my mother, it's only since this all kicked off and she took siblings side (under threat and manipulation I believe - definitely under extreme tension).

Whilst I don't see myself ever having the same level of relationship with her, I do want to retain the option of such a relationship.

I'd prefer to not force the sale, because my mother doesn't want to sell it, but I highly suspect that as soon as it is signed over to her, she will be pressured to sign over to sibling, and at that point sibling will look to liquidate the assets, move away and potentially leave mother without anything. She may be invited to the new place but I suspect it won't be long till tensions rise, she has no say in that new household, and the tension rises to the point she has an untenable position there; thereby effectively evicted. The three people involved mother sibling and partner are all headstrong personalities and clash at the moment, with threats of not seeing grandchildren already having been made.

Thank you for the advice RE: land reg - I'll go ahead and set that up.