First Steps to Solvency

enthusiasticsaver

alt80 said:

Day 85 through without too much trouble lol. 

@enthusiasticsaver thank you, yeah it's getting close. That's the idea re getting back to putting my expenses on my company card - it's a lot easier tbh not using that as an excuse, it really is lol.

Re the iPhone he and I had a bit of a disagreement about that today. He's very much decided it has to be 'the pro one' fml wife has been talking about the specs and he's like a little Apple nerd following in the Mrs' footsteps. Actually had the words 'they should be making the refresh rate better' haha funny as !!!!!!. Or was until he got angry about it and kicked me as hard as he could in my shin when I told him not happening can choose another present for his birthday and I'll have a think about him maybe getting my old phone - contract up and will get a new one through business as I usually do when the contract is up. My phone is fine (iPhone XS) but that's not good enough fml when I was his age coolest thing in the world was my Dad's mate with a car phone haha no !!!!!! refresh rates lol. Idk maybe it's me but I don't think so.

One thing you do not want is for him to follow in your wife’s footsteps when it comes to pestering for the latest “must have” whether it be phones, designer wear or whatever. Giving him your old phone would normally be fine for a child. Kicking anyone is not acceptable when he does not get his own way so glad you put him in time out. I would come down hard on that sort of violent behaviour, child or not. Unfortunately if your wife spoils him and let’s him get away with things that will get worse as he gets older. You both need to act as a team on this and decide on suitable punishments. My granddaughters who are 3 and 6 so  younger than your son can act up sometimes and occasionally it gets physical with one of them pushing the other or punching (not seen them kick each other yet though) and that is common with young children as they are not great at managing their emotions at that age. They get iPad or TV privileges taken away if they do that and put in time out. 

ladyholly

Alt you are going to have to deal with the violent behaviour now. At 7 he probably wont do too much damage but your wife is petite and a 14year doing the same could injure her badly. It might be worth talking to your pros about this or getting some help in the best way to deal with it.

Kakiste

Agree with others- a 7 year old should not be kicking or punching anyone. Needs knocking on the head before it becomes an ingrained 'go to' behaviour.

 (Speaking both as a parent to a nearly 7 year old and as a teacher in a school for secondary aged kids with awful behaviour who have been kicked out of mainstream school mostly due to aggression/meltdowns in previous schools) 

theoretica

I agree with others, I'm afraid.  When and why do you expect such behaviour to stop - 7.5? 8? 9? 11? ...18?  It won't be easy and the sooner you all start working on it the better!  Expand the good work on the cooking and cleaning up issue!

Also what would he be doing on this phone, and is it really a good idea?  If he will be out alone more and may need to contact you is an expensive phone an invitation to be robbed?  Basic dumb Nokia comes to my mind as maybe more appropriate than even your old one.  Much of the other stuff he wants to do could it not be done and probably done better on his ipad?

getmore4less

One day he will hit the wrong person and get a pounding.

Sun_Addict

Nip that behaviour in the bud now while he’s young enough to unlearn it. You’ll regret it if you don’t. 

My son and his wife give their old phones to their kids (7 and 5) when they upgrade. They upgrade quite a lot so the kids have pretty decent phones. They mostly use them for games, I don’t think they can phone anyone. 

alt80

Day 86 in the bag. Had a nice bbq today - chicken with Caribbean jerk spices off good food recipe but using chicken breast rather than chicken thigh and salad. I don't know why the !!!!!! it's always chicken thigh on that bbq good food site who the !!!!!! buys chicken thigh idk. Any wife wouldn't let me have my chicken thigh rant heard it too many times so you've got it ha. 

@mark55man thanks mate

@RelievedSheff thank you, weekend planned out and am remaining optimistic.

Re son, It does need to stop, I agree; he'll be 8 soon no real excuse now. I hate how he is with his mum sometimes if I'd have been like that to my mum fml life wouldn't have been worth living lol times move on from parenting in the 80s though. He can be a bit of a nightmare when being told 'no'. In-laws won't stand for it, they were strict with him from being tiny and never get any problems 100% pros with kids. Wife indulges him always will I think she was crying tonight about we need to be able to give him a 'normal childhood' re birthday / Christmas gifts and doesn't think budget allows for this. Generally he's really respectful to other kids / teachers etc so don't think he's going to grow up to be an absolute nightmare but he has his moments like any kid really tbh 100% some kid will give him a pounding one day fact of life ha.

Tbh I don't think he needs the phone really - bit more portable than iPad for the games they spend a lot of time playing games on them even my son who isn't massively into gaming spends a fair bit of time on them. He doesn't go out on his own. We did as kids at that kind of age but lived in the middle of nowhere nothing around, nothing going on !!!!!! boring but no action plenty of that not too far from here fml wonder a mile down the road in the wrong direction and you're in crackhead's paradise. Same in any city so is what it is I know but def makes me consider moving further out of town somewhere more rural for last home idk.

Kakiste

I think there's a lack of grasp of reality on your wife's part again. Your son is hugely privileged compared with the majority of children in the country. 

My daughter is 7 in 4 weeks time; her main presents are a bigger bike I've bought for £25 and a dollshouse for £30 both of which are bought 2nd hand on fb marketplace. Bought new they'd have cost me £240 which I can't afford so I've had to buy 2nd hand so that she can have the gifts she wants.

She will never go to private school in any form, we cannot afford it. Once i'm debt free all my spare money will go to building a house deposit to give my daughter the security of her own home which can't be sold by the landlord from under us (happened twice in her life so far and it was horrible)

I'm not saying any of the above to posture, here's my point. We are not a family living in poverty. We are a family with a median household income, living in an average area. That's what 'normal' looks like.

efes_shareholder

I would deter you from providing your son with the most up to date phone at any age.
 My 12 year old nephew and his 2 friends all year 7 were recently robbed of their phones by 2 older boys on their way to the park to play football.
we do not live in an inner city area , we live in the Home Counties where kids from deprived areas jump on the train to rob the kids here who are not as streetwise as kids in London. 

They were extremely shook up as the offenders pulled a knife on them in order to get them to hand the phones and the passcodes over.
my nephews friends come from privileged families and both had iPhone 12 pros , my nephew who is from a single parent family had his older sisters old iPhone 8 , they actually gave him his phone back as it was too old !! 

His friends parents both said they would now get their boys playing out phones .
it is absolutely ridiculous to provide a child with technology of this value , not just at 8 but even at 12 and if he gets it now he will never expect any less. 

As he does venture out socially phones get lost , broken , stolen and in the case of my 15 year old egged on the last day of school 

when my kids were younger they had a gift allowance as such , say for example you said to him he has gifts up to the value of 300 for his birthday or he can have money , he can then put his own money or savings to this to make up the value of what he wants so if the phone is for example 800 he needs to fill the other 500.
im sure he will soon unwant the device. 

I used to do this with my kids trainers , 10 years ago I’d pay 40 a pair and if they wanted more expensive they made up the shortfall. They never wanted them enough to pay the extra themselves .

right now it’s a phone , going forward it will be games consoles , laptops etc
nip the spoilt brat behaviour in the bud right now before he has too much of a concept on the most expensive is the best ( he learnt that somewhere too btw) as the older he gets the more his expectations will grow and you really are setting yourself up for a truly unpleasant teenager

Personally I’d use the fact that he was violent towards you as the very reason he now has no chance of getting said phone ( regardless of the fact he wasn’t getting it in the first place ) . Each time he mentions it , I’d just stare “ you won’t be having that because you kicked daddy “ 
the hardest love to give is tough love but sometimes it’s very much needed.

RelievedSheff

We use chicken thighs a lot. They are so much tastier than the breast meat.