First Steps to Solvency

warby68

Well you've done it - 30 days.

I haven't posted lately as I didn't have anything new to say but you have had haven't you? I've lost count of the number of significant mind shifts since you committed properly. A few standouts have to be the relinquishing of control/access regarding money, recognizing who are the good people to have in your life and acting on it, and learning from the contact with other people with similar experiences in your group sessions. 

I'm sure its as tough as its gets but your eyes are certainly open as to what a drug free life with a decent amount of money has to offer and how much joy there is in doing good things with good people. Basically, just how much £100 can actually buy when your sense of proportion is not screwed.

You certainly seem different this time in terms of commitment and in facing, rather than pushing down or running away from, the demons. You can take them apart and see them for what they are and move on again.

Its so good @alt80, for you and your family. I honestly thought you might have left it too late for family but so glad it wasn't. Your wife is full of surprises. I agree 90 days seems a lot for the next goal - I really like the idea of breaking it down more and the mini rewards. To my mind each day is good and they soon add up anyway.

Also love your car decisions, laughing about the milk float and accepting the MG which it looks like everyone will enjoy, even the spare parts. You've got a family friendly fun car and reconnected with a mate. Who'd have thought that a few weeks ago.

Enjoy your celebrations today and just give the inlaws more time. They're coming which is a good start.

Grumpelstiltskin

Alt The problem with beaches is not the dogs it's the human beings who don't pick up the dog mess. A few weeks ago at CSL I saw a large lump of dog ... on the promenade right next to a bin and a sign saying pick up your dog mess. Luckily a couple with a dog came along and picked it  up.

MovingForwards

Congratulations!
Do think of a mid achievement as it's too long before your next one.

Have a look to see if there's any fruit farms nearby as they make for a great time picking your own fruit, some have other activities onsite too.

I bet if you set your mind to it, you could find free / cheap things to do every weekend in a decent radius to where you live. Walk by the canals, followed by a freshing drink in a pub along the way. Hire the boats at Stratford, then have a picnic. Maybe join N.Trust for free / cheap entry into places. These things then free up money to pay for other trips and adventures. While in total you're spending the same, you're doing a lot more for your money.

Enjoy your dinner, you're in good company!

maggiem

Very pleased for you alt80 - 30 days is a massive achievement. Hope the meal tonight with in laws goes well.

enthusiasticsaver

alt80 said:

@enthusiasticsaver thank you. Tomorrow is my last day of goal 1 so not signed off that challenge quite yet. 90 days is next goal which seems almost insurmountable rn however I am carrying on with having very limited immediate access to money. I have thought if this is what I need to do on a day to day basis, it's just what I need to do. Rest of my life I'll do it if it means I stay on the recovery road. Idk in some ways it's almost liberating for me have to think about spending - I can't go and spend a couple of £k or whatever on unplanned things and I can't buy the other stuff.

Not sure what a 'great life' is anymore or what it looks like tbh. I don't think any amount of money can alleviate thoughts that the people you care about would be a lot better off without you in their lives but you can't let them go. 

Absolutely not surprised re Cornwall and I don't envy you living there during the summer hols.

You can make 90 days.  Just take it one day at a time. If having no access to money works for you then continue with that.  

You still need to work on your self confidence and sense of self worth if you are feeling you are not good enough to deserve a nice family and nice life.  

We know the quiet places in Cornwall so keep away from the touristy places.  We also leave early in the morning if going anywhere but most people balk at the hilly coastal walks I do so thankfully it is relatively quiet up on the cliffs where I like to spend a lot of my spare time. I thought of Relieved Sheff and her van yesterday when on Cornwall live a programme came up about a tourist who took their camper van down a narrow Cornish lane yesterday and could not get out again.  Needed to be towed out as the hill was too steep and narrow for it to manoeuver. 

alt80

Thanks all. Not been very well generally today neither has wife possibly a bit too much to drink but not had enough that I'd usually get a hangover so idk. Son has been a bit of a nightmare ha but expected that after yesterday.  

Day 31 through and survived the roast although tbh chicken not the best I've ever cooked it was ok but a bit disappointing. No spend day - no !!!!!! time between cooking and entertaining the guests ha. That went ok or as well as I could have expected. Generally ok they suggested another weekend away together a bit later on in the year, see how centre parcs goes first haha. 

Back at the proper gym tomorrow wife given me the 6 week programme fml def trying to kill me off ha. Might get rid of the 3kg though in the process. 

Re interim goal - I'm going for 45 days so half way point to 90. Then 60 days to be at 2/3 and then onto 90 days. Keep with the programme/ no access to money until 90 days at the earliest and that'll be limited to some company money maybe not sure yet.

mark55man

Hey @alt80 - have been lurking a little and I know its bad of me, but I found your thread too hectic with too many posts so I didn't follow so closely, but just noticed it was 3,000 unread posts since I last visited so had to check what was up.  It would have been rude (ruder!!) not too.

Well you have had a real roller coaster, but very pleased you are focussing your will power and strength on fixing things for yourself and family.  I'll try and hang on and have re-bookmarked as a gesture of support and in case I see anything I can add to, although TBH you seem to have turned it around yourself with the help of your family.

Hope you are enjoying the football on the telly - best free fun I've had in a long time.  Although wearing my England shirt around town (the Glasgow postcodes - on holiday) would have been rash, except it was raining so hard I didn't get my jacket off for long enough to attract attention.    

Sun_Addict

Glad you’ve set the interim goals. Makes it more do-able. 

alt80

Tried for the early night but not feeling too well at all not covid symptoms before anyone asks. Son ok but wife not very well either idk hoping it settles down and get back to bed. On the chamomile and herbal pills so bed after that ha. Hope we're ok tomorrow wife has 3 girls for nails and I've got a busy work day planned as well as 1st proper gym session since pre-covid times.

@RelievedSheff / @Sun_Addict / @Willowtree222 / @Legs21 / @maggiemthank you all.

@savingmore thank you. I'm doing ok just trying to get through each day and keeping busy. 100% worth it with football I think we could be living through some more history right now, just good history rather than pandemic focused - all being well it's coming home.

@warby68 thank you things aren't easy nothing worth fighting for ever is though I don't suppose. Tbh I was desperately clinging on to a life that wasn't even good for me or to me. Something if I was 100% honest with myself I knew I needed to change but was too afraid to let go of idk why just all I'd ever known I think. Whether you or anyone else chooses to believe this or not up to you/ them I love my family and want a future for them. I've spent a lot of time listening to others and reading about what growing up with a parent who is in active addiction can do. I've spent my son's life trying to keep him at arms length from me ultimately because I just wanted to protect him from me but that brings its own guilt and leads to the gift buying/ paying to privately educate my son without properly thinking it through at the time/ my wife wants it she gets it no questions asked and whatever it took. Also lead to buying things for myself without thinking it through and using substances both for the half hour or whatever feeling a bit better about myself. Idk it doesn't make much sense to people who haven't been where I was but it's self sabotage ultimately. Not good for me and not good for my family. I was teetering on the edge of a complete mental breakdown tbh. That's not doing my best for my family just because I manage to carry on turning money.

Glad the milk float has give you a laugh fml not something I'm buzzing for tbh lol. It is at least a sub-5 sec to 60 milk float though ha. As for the MG it's a lovely old thing, even if my Mrs is getting !!!!!! obsessed with it's 'accessories' haha been on google today how to change a steering wheel so no doubt I'll come back to that having been swapped some time soon. 

@Grumpelstiltskin people can be !!!!!! 100%. Not difficult really know what you're getting into when you buy a dog ultimately idk. 

@MovingForwards Thank you. I keep meaning to have a proper look at the garden section and like the idea of the fruit farm too I think there are a couple. My son would enjoy that. 

Challenge on for finding some more free/ cheap things - how cheap we talking here?? Don't mind these challenges lol keeps my mind active and on a better train of thought I think ha.

@enthusiasticsaver thank you. No access to money (well very little access to it) def works for me being blunt about it I have no access to money I can't buy it. At some point I do want to work out a way to gain a higher level of self control but right now I just need to carry on getting through each day. 

Re self worth it's something I am working on through therapy etc - it's hard to turn those thoughts around but something I need to do over time to continue to be successful in recovery. These things take time/ effort/ engagement and a bit of belief. One day I hope I'll get there - lot better goal to work towards than the alternative. 

Fml re the motor homing tourist - you have been warned @RelievedSheff ha. The cliffside walks sound like they could be quite nice if the weather is on your side, don't think it'd be much fun in the rain though. 

@mark55man thanks mate I owe you an apology tbh I've definitely made comments on your diary in the past when I wasn't 100% with it. 

The football has been absolutely amazing I can't really believe we are were we are still in shock over last night's result. My Mrs earlier made me laugh - keeps saying she wonders if she dreamt it and checking results haha. Walking round Glasgow wearing an England shirt on fml that's really only a good idea if you're some kind of masochist mate.

MovingForwards

Cheap you could go with £10 - £20 per head due to your income, no more than £30 - £60 between you as kids things / entry are cheaper. Sometimes it will cost a bit more, other times less.

It was mentioned earlier in your diary about hourly rates and how many hours have to be worked to afford things. Not your charge out rate, but a proper hours pay and not your BTL income.
Do a rough calculation of dividend + wage (after deductions) ÷ hours worked per year = hourly rate.
Or if you really fancy a challenge your wage (after deductions) ÷ by hours worked = hourly rate. Treat your yearly money / BTL income as an unguaranteed bonuses and don't include them 😉

One trip = 1h of work.

Friday we went to a few different places, stopped off at a burger van by the coast, then went to an ice cream shop (total spent £18) and had a bit of a walk after, again it's balancing spending with free stuff.
Saturday was gardening £0 spent.
Yesterday's ice cream visit cost us £7.80, then we went for a walk by the water, explored the surroundings, looking at what plants and trees were growing along the walk. Although the ice cream cost money, the walk didn't and it made for a great, cheap afternoon.

Total spent under £25.80 = 2.5h of work for a really nice weekend.

I know it's a lot easier for us being near the coast, but there will be places of interest you can find to visit.