First Steps to Solvency

alt80

Day 26 through. Knocked off work early for the match. Thanks all will write a proper response when love island is on. 

Got a bit of sleep last night but not amazing tbh feel fine today probably too much sleep the previous days for me idk. Work buzzing, making time for my family rather than time for a mate who has behaved anything but for the past few years, England lads smashing it, keeping touch with recovery everyday life is not bad right now. Even the debt is coming down a bit. Not as much as I’d have hoped but I have some believe it’s going to be aright in the round idk why just think it’s going to be for the first time.

My Mrs is in her element with going through York trip photos to have one printed and framed, England win, love island later UEFA having the foresight to not make her choose haha like all her !!!!!! stars have aligned and her dreams come true today good to see her so happy tbh first time in a long time she’s been like this. Tbh first time I’ve dared to dream in a long time England might just actually win a major football tournament who knows. 

Had fish and chips tonight so yet another gluttonous meal ha. 

RelievedSheff

I bet your son was buzzing when they won.

We just happen to have a table booked in a pub for Saturday so looks like we will be watching the match.

alt80

@RelievedSheff he was absolutely buzzing mate! Wife takes the !!!!!! prize though she was sobbing her eyes out playing it’s coming home on the piano haha. That probably takes most !!!!!! middle class football celebration ever there lol but she’s happy.

Apart from going to the match no atmosphere like a good pub when the football is on imo although I’m really enjoying watching from home personally. You’ll have a great time though. I’m staying away from going out for the obvious reason but also because I actually want to enjoy the football with my family - first time I have tbh. My Mrs loves football but used to go to her parents to watch with in-laws and I used to go to the pub to get off my head as much as watch the football tbh so first tournament we’ve properly enjoyed together as a family. 

alt80

@FootyFanDan thanks mate. Ha my son loves the amusement arcades funny how some things don't change between generations lol. Tbf we did spend a fair bit on the weekend but had it just been that and not the stuff I bought at the start of the month and things my wife bought I'd be a lot closer to the sort of figures I want to be clearing off my debts. This coming month my plan is to forget about what I'm spending for Centre Parcs - I just need to get through that. Can't say I'm looking forward to it or that things are especially great between me and the in-laws. Don't go I've been a !!!!!! again, go and I've got the inlaws to deal with all weekend. Tbf I can't actually see it being that expensive accommodation booked by my in-laws and not expecting payment so just food really. Wife has a few things planned for end of month - can't remember what falls into July and what falls into August now.

@Sun_Addict thank you I can't wait to be back at the proper gym. Don't have a bad home set up but wife went back a while ago and plan to train with her - school drop off, gym, work. She suggested I just get the membership sorted I told her I didn't want to until I've reached my 30 days. Need to come up with something for when I reach 90 days (start of September all being well) considering another weekend away maybe a 1 night spa break or just 1 night seaside break with family or something idk have a think on that one as that's my next goal.

My Mrs is very kind tbh deserves better than me I know that 100%. She's !!!!!! obsessed with him loves the Geordie accent too fml.

@getmore4less Thanks mate I do think it will all come right in the round first time ever tbh it's odd idk why but had a bit of a change of mindset. Living the lockdown life wasn't going to work forever for me know that much and I was killing myself going down the other road. Tbh finances probably the least of my worries when I was in complete !!!!!! self destruct. Hard to try to take a step back with it when all I can see is what my habit has cost over this year and how much closer to !!!!!! the current crop of card debt off that I'd be. It's done now I know and step back needs to be taken. Made some positive steps with finally making a move on the BMW and sorting through my clothes as well as wife's etc. Probably sounds absolutely mad but despite the start of June I keep thinking I can do this, get through, move on and ultimately be a better person for it. One of my recovery people said I've managed to achieve a lot in business from nothing proven I can achieve when I put my mind to it idk just resonated with me made me think I can stay in recovery, sort my personal finances out and do right by my family give my wife someone she wants to be married to and my son the best start. People on here were right can't be giving him the best if I'm not giving my best he's not a problem I can just throw money at and hope.

Did make me laugh when you said drop to 2 course meals in the budget fml mate I need to drop to that or I'll be buying a whole new !!!!!! wardrobe before I know it and driving up north on a battery isn't going to be enough of a saving ha. Tbf that's def something she can do and will keep her occupied. Like that suggestion thanks mate. On subject of steak I had steak twice lol tbf I ought to cook it at home more often go to butcher and get some nice cuts.

Ha that's the first thing I said to her re nails when I realised she was doing it for free. She's actually going to be working in a salon environment so no travel - I actually think she'll really enjoy that. Hoping it'll maybe give her a push to think about setting something up but more importantly bit of confidence in her abilities. 

alt80

@RelievedSheff thank you. Yeah finding the new balance with family is a big thing for me - easy enough or was mostly in a national lockdown but now that's coming to an end it's all a bit new.

@MovingForwards thanks. I've kept too busy to dwell on it today tbh so that's a step. Started the jobs lists again go through with my wife work out what she's doing and what I'm doing - she knows I need to keep busy and keep my mind off the negative stuff. 

@stymied thanks I've always earned the money don't think for a second much is going to change really and I don't need it to. Only thing I contributed for a long, long time know that much. Plenty of times I've stood the other side of doors looking in at my wife playing with my son and couldn't face them. I've missed out on my boy's early years and I don't want to carry on missing out for no other reason than my own lack of self worth. She knows the money she earns herself from nails contributes towards our household including the things like Christmas and occasions. I've told her I'm really proud of her for helping me out in this way and agreeing to do some extra things day to day so I can have these months with a much lesser access to money and time to just reset a bit.

alt80

Day 27 and we’re at 90% to goal 1. No spends for wife and I. She’s making pizza for this evening. Still plenty to do work wise so I’ll be busy for the day. I’m getting through still doing a lot of therapy and trying to navigate through it not letting myself get into the obsessive thoughts. Staying with having no access to money for the moment it means I’m safe and so is my family. I’m not cured and never will be although over the next months and years I need to work towards building a better life. Had a hard time falling asleep last night and this morning thinking my wife and son deserve better. I know they do this is about me and my selfishness but it’s also about trying to do the right thing by my family too.

Allikat86

Hi Alt. Just about to start work, but I wanted to say that it’s clear that you’re doing so amazingly, although it might not feel like that at times. You are going to have thoughts like that - the process that you’re going through is painful, physically and emotionally! 

You are clearly a really smart guy, and you’re unpicking all of the stuff that you didn’t have the clear headspace for when you were on drugs. The way that you talk about your wife and son is so different, and it’s a pleasure to read it now. We are all works in progress, and you’re facing your demons rather than thinking about how to run away from them!

It’s a new month tomorrow. You’ve had a wonderful time with your family and your son will benefit so much from this level, happier you.

You can do this, keep going!

alt80

Late lunch today fml. Work is still busy rn.  Ordinarily I’d be thinking making a good start on seeing a big divi pay out end of financial year and start blowing the money now ha fml but July looking like shaping up as a cheap month so far. Couple of things planned but nothing too expensive. Logging off work earlier than I used to - not working into the night. I consistently can’t fit it into a day I need to review staffing rather than use substances to stay up all night and be ‘productive’ ha people on here def right about that. Have 3 new staff starting by the end of the year keep things ticking over and eye towards growth goals I’ve set out. One leaving though that happens from time to time I’m ok with it now was !!!!!! devastated when I got the news tbh my head was in a bad place anyway and in my brain at that time it was all about me rather than the lad moving on.

@Allikat86 thanks I want to stay in recovery this time think that helping idk trying not to focus on the negative too much but my problems with addiction are multi faceted and it’s still taking a lot of effort to get through each day tbh I have to make an effort not to get into the patterns that becomes self destructive looking for highs essentially. I don’t want my son growing up with all my broken promises day after day and I don’t want him growing up with knowing his dad is a cokehead didn’t matter what I could buy for him really it was really badly affecting my head and I was hardly with it enough to function. Still is affecting me in some ways but I’m lucky to have a lot of support informal and professional to help me keep on the right road. 

Ha yeah I’d forgotten about it being a new month tomorrow. Summer hols soon time goes very quickly these days. 

DayDreamerandGeneralWaster

Spend what you earn, don't earn what you spend 

getmore4less

alt80 said:

Late lunch today fml. Work is still busy rn.  Ordinarily I’d be thinking making a good start on seeing a big divi pay out end of financial year and start blowing the money now ha fml but July looking like shaping up as a cheap month so far. Couple of things planned but nothing too expensive. Logging off work earlier than I used to - not working into the night. I consistently can’t fit it into a day I need to review staffing rather than use substances to stay up all night and be ‘productive’ ha people on here def right about that. Have 3 new staff starting by the end of the year keep things ticking over and eye towards growth goals I’ve set out. One leaving though that happens from time to time I’m ok with it now was !!!!!! devastated when I got the news tbh my head was in a bad place anyway and in my brain at that time it was all about me rather than the lad moving on.

I do believe it is sinking in.

gear people like you gear money.

If the work levels on the jobs look sustainable you can't keep doing them reserve yourself for cover and growth.

There are indications residential transactions may be returning to lower levels now that total year on year are closer to annual but currently still higher than long term norms