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First Steps to Solvency

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  • alt80
    alt80 Posts: 4,655 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    @curtains174 yeah wife doesn't love the cars too much - plenty of arguments started over the years with her moaning about my toys lol. She wouldn't want to have a vauxhall on the drive but doesn't get why a base 3.0 diesel Range Rover isn't enough or the point in having over 500bhp. You either get it or you don't - it's one of those things and I think the performance intimidates her a bit tbh. 
  • ladyholly
    ladyholly Posts: 3,956 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    I cant pretend to understand why your "toys" mean so much to you but they do seem to be driving a wedge between you and your wife. If you dont mind that thats fine but if you do mind then perhaps you need to try and find a way to curb your desiire fo instant gratification. There will always be someone who has more or better toys and I think you would be happier if you take that on board.
    My other thought was how sad that you have no one to talk to. If you only have friends that judge you by wht you have then I think you need some new friends who are there for you and not your cars, money etc.
  • alt80 said:
    It is a long and difficult journey I agree. My hope was that my post would challenge OP to reset his thinking on a number of things - perhaps some tough love.
    Thank you. I did initially feel quite annoyed about your post when I first read tbf but I do understand where you're coming from. I am image conscious, a bit too much. I said yesterday I'd like to get to the point where I like nice things but am not desperate to f**k myself to buy them. I know I'll never be good enough for the yachts or a Jay Leno style collection just admitting that makes me feel so ashamed yet I've seen enough 'life' to know you're right about some people seeing my lifestyle as 'living the dream' (and more in some cases). When I was in my 20s I used to pass my current home regularly and think I'd feel I'd arrived if I ever bought it or one like it in the area. I am generally proud to call it home but the minute I'm in the company of someone who I know has gone one better I will dread them knowing I 'only' live in a £600k house and I know theirs has a market value of £750k. (These figures buy a lot up here appreciate it's nothing in London). Victim of capitalism? Maybe so.
    Hi alt80 I have been reading your diary with interest. I think what stands out is how you seem to base your self worth on the amount of possessions you have and by being the Joneses rather than keeping up with the Joneses- it seems like quite an empty way to live and you seem to be setting yourself up for disappointment.

    Looking at it from the other side, how do you feel about those who are 'only' living in, say,  a £150,000  home. Do you spend your time even thinking, oh my god, they can only afford to live in a house worth £150,000 and pity them? If not then it's doubtful people who own more expensive property than you are thinking that of you.

    With the champagne thing, if you aren't a big drinker anyway then it seems logical to cut it down or out completely to throw that at debt. I have noticed on here that alcohol is one of the first things people cut down on to save money.

    1k might not seem much to you but you can't really afford it if you want to lower your debts. There's no shame in saying you can't afford something, there really isn't. Who is going to know if you are drinking Aldi prosecco/champagne in the comfort of your own home? 😉 I believe you can even get Aldi wines delivered these days....

    Anyway I am looking forward to hearing about your journey, good luck.


  • alt80
    alt80 Posts: 4,655 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    I know where you’re both coming from tbf the toys have caused me probably as much stress as they’ve given joy over the years just can’t help what you like though.

    I appreciate I may come across like I don’t care about my wife I actually care about her very much. We had the most amazing 10 weeks over lockdown no stress, fittest I’ve ever been (she’s massively into fitness and we trained together over lockdown initially thought it was going to kill me lol), time as a family. Few payments haha. 

    Do I pity someone with £150k house? Not at all if that’s what makes them happy good for them. I mentioned I took a tenant for lunch who has just got on the ladder after a long time saving. They’ve bought a £125k house similar to their rental and saving has been really hard for them I’m buzzing for them tbf. I know I am a selfish person and I know people aren’t that interested in me to sit and calculate the ev of my house but in my head I’m not and never will make it.
  • Good for you! That's what it's all about isn't it, getting that control back. Hopefully this coming month won't be as stressy as the last then.
  • ladyholly
    ladyholly Posts: 3,956 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Excellent news that you feel more in control. Keep going and I am sure you will feel better and sleep at night.
  • alt80 said:
    Came on to say I’ve checked the yolt and for the first month since I was probably at uni feel more in control of my personal finances. The panic wasn’t there I know what we have and don’t have to spend over the coming month definitely a weight lifted.
    Feeling in control is the best thing in debt free journey. I have never thought that getting out of debt can be exciting lol, but it is :) 

    Debt free!!!! 27/11/2020
    Largest Debt 19000£ 03/2020

    Savings 259£
    Saving goal  25000£ by 
    31/12/2021
  • alt80 said:
    I know where you’re both coming from tbf the toys have caused me probably as much stress as they’ve given joy over the years just can’t help what you like though.

    I appreciate I may come across like I don’t care about my wife I actually care about her very much. We had the most amazing 10 weeks over lockdown no stress, fittest I’ve ever been (she’s massively into fitness and we trained together over lockdown initially thought it was going to kill me lol), time as a family. Few payments haha. 

    Do I pity someone with £150k house? Not at all if that’s what makes them happy good for them. I mentioned I took a tenant for lunch who has just got on the ladder after a long time saving. They’ve bought a £125k house similar to their rental and saving has been really hard for them I’m buzzing for them tbf. I know I am a selfish person and I know people aren’t that interested in me to sit and calculate the ev of my house but in my head I’m not and never will make it.
    Ive been reading your diary and have got to say that from where you started to now i think your doing really well! It really has only been a short amount of time. 

    What made me want to comment though was where you said "i know im a selfish person" right after saying you were buzzing for the tennent that just brought their first home. A selfish person wouldnt think that! A selfish person wouldnt care!! 

    Give your self some credit! Your keeping a business and family going the most stressful and unknown times many people have ever seen! 
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