First Steps to Solvency

ohdearhowdidthathappen

I'm a little bit shocked at what you've said about your wife, she sounds very spoilt and entitled.  So 12 years ago she announced she'd never work and expected you to bankroll her for the rest of her days?  I'd have dumped her there and then!! 
However, you obviously adore her and if that set up suits you both then that's fine, I'm sure many marriages have a similar understanding.
On the other hand, if you genuinely think she'd leave you if you could no longer provide a certain standard of living, that's really sad and must leave you feeling uncertain.  The iphone case story makes more sense now, kind of 'well if you can't buy me a new phone, I need a pretty new case to assuage my disappointment and sadness' kind of thing.
I understand she's never worked and has no skills, but she could retrain in something that interests her, or is there nothing in your business she could do?
At the very least, if she's not going to work at all, she needs to do everything she can do to help you out of your current predicament.

strawb_shortcake

With the FIL you are obviously at different ends of the spectrum, coupled with the fact that most parents want the best for their children not just jam for today, but long term sustainable financial stability. Also the Father/Daughter relationship is probably far more protective than a Father/Son relationship so as an outsider I can see where he might be coming from. 
In your last thread you spoke very much about your ego and the constant need to feed it, I suspect the difficulties with the FIL may in part be due to your ego more than anything else if that makes sense? 
I really don't mean it as a criticism, just how I may view someone "flash" married to my Daughter that I suspected to be living on the never never. I think it never hurts to consider how the way we come across may change the way others respond and act with us. 

QueenJess

alt80 said:

@QueenJess I don't think no holidays ever again is sustainable at all. Something needs to give at the moment and holidays where one of our bigger expenses. 

We still have lots to sell. I think with all the stuff my wife is willing to sell (high end bags etc that she's bought but doesn't use often just bought for an occasion and literally used once) we can make £10k total from stuff lying about the house. That would see a quarter reduction.

Well I think that is a great idea then.  Use your current surplus for holidays.  As you sell things, use it to pay off the debt directly and it will create more space in your SOA.  Then use the space you make for creating an emergency fund and paying down more of the debt.  I think that would give you a nice boost and get an initial SOA which could work.  

alt80 said:

Feel much more stressed over this situation than my business life. If I didn't earn at least the money I do now my wife would leave me for someone who could give her more so a lot of pressure there too.

I find this very hard to believe.  I may be completely wrong here, but I think this is your stress and mental state talking.  There is a certain amount of pressure day to day to be successful in your job/business because you are the only person earning in your household.  Although I am about to be on the other side of this due to unfortunate circumstances, I have put myself in my DHs shoes and I appreciate it does add unwanted pressure.  As you are also in debt, it does dial up the stress and pressure quite a bit.

I think you need to keep talking to your wife and get her to support you.  Does she appreciate the pressure you feel under daily to provide and keep providing the best you can for everyone?  I think that's partly responsible for you working every hour.  You need to talk about what you would like and the balance you would prefer in your life.  I am sure your wife could support you more in some ways (not talking about her working here), even if it is just having honest conversations and making yourself feel better.

As for the impromptu BBQ, I do think you made the right choice for today. Obviously you can't avoid the FIL forever, but I really don't think you are in the right state of mind at the moment.  Once you start to make some inroads in the counselling and cash situation and feel more under control, you should be able to face them again.  Parents and OH's parents are always tricky and I've lost count of the number of people I know (and on here) who don't get on with their OH's parents.   It's difficult to give advice as it's always complicated, but you have to find a way to shut them down (e.g. "I understand that, but we have chosen to live this way") or develop a thick skin and ignore it.  Not sure if it is possible to talk to your wife about it as it sounds like she is close with her father and could cause an argument.  If not, then I think you just accept that is how they are and ignore them.

getmore4less

I won't dwell on it, but as you are commenting, do we have the reality of a hot young trophy wife setting in.
Also remember now a bit older and with baggage they don't always find it so easy to get the next sugar daddy.

Anyway on the housing board this came up  and I thought of you as you seem to like a building project and yearn for the country pile.

1838 10.8 Acres 8 Bedrooms in need of some modernisation  and has a history with classic cars including Jags.

Offers over £400k





 

well modernisation was  understatement.
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/crumbling-mansions-incredible-relics-up-8831802
https://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-96936527.html

mark55man

wow - we might never hear from OP again if he took that on

enthusiasticsaver

That looks like a project and a half. £400k to buy it then probably around £2m to do it up

getmore4less

enthusiasticsaver said:

That looks like a project and a half. £400k to buy it then probably around £2m to do it up

And the rest...
The real point is this is what happens if your overstretched and can't pay the bills.

 You end up with a house with no roof and a car graveyard

OP dreams about houses that would need more than his current business generates just to pay for the gardening

But if range rover got into garden tools.... 

RelievedSheff

Blimey. That was a lot to read through for a weekends diary input!

On the no spend days we count a no spend day as a genuine no money spent at all day. No direct debits, no fuel in the car, no groceries,  nothing. No money spent on anything and we usually manage this at least four days out of seven although it depends how direct debits fall each month of course.

mark55man

wow RS you are strict - but I agree.  But for me that means 1 a month and DDs are evenly spread so can't always call them

RelievedSheff

mark55man said:

wow RS you are strict - but I agree.  But for me that means 1 a month and DDs are evenly spread so can't always call them

The thing is it doesn't feel strict. The house is stocked up with supplies and during the week we are working so not spending. We have packed lunches for lunch so no spends there and in the evening we have a home cooked dinner from the supplies in the house.

I guess it is just a routine we have fallen into over the years but it works for us.