First Steps to Solvency

alt80

@mark55man thanks - starting to see unless I sort the income out I can't go back to spending how I was. Well how I was spending and how wife was too the purchases she's made has made for some interesting reading.

I'd very much like to sort the income out but right now breaking that five figure barrier feels like next level stuff rather than something I can deal with quickly. Also seeing how some on here live happily on so little has made me think if some of the stuff is all a bit pointless / feeding my ego and not a lot else.

PassElephant

So glad you had a good day.

alt80

@LizzieM16 thanks. I did wonder if it was a bit of a scam at the time especially with how long it took to come through - does anyone know how or why this actually works?

@PassElephant thanks I was a bit reluctant to post with it being car heavy lol but there was a point about the spending somewhere haha.

JCS1

Idea I saw the other day, as a family write out ideas for things to do together and put them into a jar/box  Pick one out at random every weekend.  Some will be free, some will be low cost, some a bit more.  One way of doing different things and spending time together.

PassElephant

alt80 said:

@LizzieM16 thanks. I did wonder if it was a bit of a scam at the time especially with how long it took to come through - does anyone know how or why this actually works?

@PassElephant thanks I was a bit reluctant to post with it being car heavy lol but there was a point about the spending somewhere haha.

I get the woods. Found some ceps yesterday. 
Don't get the cars but understand you do.
We all walk in our way and it's beautiful that you can see the joy.

alt80

Think I've got through to wife about working to the budget / being less wasteful generally. She tried to place it on my inability to provide a decent income so I actually made her look for jobs online just to realistically see what an average income is around here and what it gives you in your pocket every month after tax. Don't get me wrong I know there's people who've done a lot better than I have but there's also many people a lot worse off in terms of income. I've always been able to see that side just through having staff/ tenants.

She's always had an ability to make me think I need to go that extra mile feel I'm not doing good enough which only feeds my need to impress others and prove myself further. Telling her I would like to be able to enjoy some of the good parts of lockdown on a more regular basis and that I'm back to having counselling but for my issues with spending wasn't easy but she's now aware I'm finding the situation stressful and I'm looking for long term change rather than to hit the debts for a bit before building them back up again. Yeah I still want nice things and I'm probably going to always have a liking for some stuff others may consider slightly vulgar still buy it albeit in smaller quantities at a lesser frequency. I can't keep financially f**ked forever so I told her it's time I grew up a bit and also time she did. Not going to lie I wasn't happy going through the cards seeing hundreds going out on makeup she's bought because she likes the packaging never opened (Charlotte Tilbury lots to answer for), £50/m on eyebrows and about £1k/y going out on having her face injected with crap before getting onto the clothes / handbags / shoes and 25 pairs of never opened boxes of trainers. I'm not saying I'm some kind of saint I spend a lot on cars / clothes / tech etc myself just going through those cards really made me realise its not just a 'me' problem and I'm not going to struggle to sleep at night for just for her to fund her make up habit because I can assure you she doesn't sit up at night worried about not being able to get out of this mess and its not her name who'll end up with the defaults and the ccjs piling up when it all gets so far out of hand I can't do anything about it. Not sure but I think this may well be my light bulb moment lol.

@JCS1 I like this idea. 

getmore4less

Yeah I still want nice things and I'm probably going to always have a liking for some stuff others may consider slightly vulgar still buy it albeit in smaller quantities at a lesser frequency. 

I think people have always wanted nice stuff but nice was based on looks good function and last a long time giving value.

Marketing has played on this to drive people to change often and use less often, and because of that the quality goes down.
Clothing/accessories  is high on the list with the push to have this season stuff and the can't be seen in the same outfit twice mind set 

Electronics especially phones are probably the worst for this, they build things now to die while still fully functional(sealed battery an stopping updates) and they suck you in to regular change.

Need to get into the Barbour mind set buy once for a lifetime.

shoppingobsessed2020

Glad you’ve seen it’s not just yourself that’s been adding to the cards.  I would be careful with your wife as it’s addictive getting your brows and things done So there maybe a splurge or two.  I know as I was due my next Botox session in a couple of weeks and I’ve postponed it but so many times I’ve gone to email to reschedule.

there is a good market out there on various Facebook groups for selling on makeup and toiletries.  I’ve not done it yet but if she is open to it if she’s never going to use some of the products I’d ask her to consider it.  Products also have a shelf life and go off so that’s to bare in mind as I had to bin an £80 moisturiser as it had gone funny as I opened it and used it then opened another to use and forgot about the first one.

warby68

Your posts make uncomfortable reading sometimes OP, especially the stuff about the marriage being effectively a gold digger/trophy situation.
I hope its just stress talking and that there is something there to work on together.
Certainly, the palpable joy from the family day with your boy still gives me hope in that regard.
Whatever the dynamics, you have no realistic choice but to start living within your means whether or not your wife comes with you and if the remarks about moving on if you don't up your game are anything more than argumentative grandstanding, then sooner the better.
I'd prefer to hope she is just a bit childlike and sheltered, having settled as a 'kept' woman at 20, and will actually prove capable now the real world has come knocking and she has been asked to take some responsibility.
Still wishing you luck OP.

strawb_shortcake

Not wholly relevant to the thread, but in all of this I've not seen any pension provision for your wife, sounds like she doesn't even have NI credits as you're not claiming CB.
I don't know the rules but if she was to come under your employment for tax purposes, then could she also get NI credits too?