First Steps to Solvency

alt80

I'm starting to notice my lack of a work / life balance; facing up to how I've mismanaged my personal finances has led to facing up to how I've mismanaged my personal life in general tbf. I got to my office this morning at 8.45am and left at 8.40pm. Didn't see my son after school at all again. I realised I have missed all his milestones so far and I really regret it now. Have some work to do tomorrow (this week has been particularly heavy on the work - partly self inflicted from really struggling with concentration last week / start of this) but I will have caught up by the end of tomorrow and I've decided I'm not touching work on Sunday, concentrate on having some family time. Have a long weekend booked next week not going anywhere but my secretary has told me I'm under strict orders to spend some time with my family lol. Usually I'd just work if we didn't go anywhere but it was nice over lockdown to just spend time at home so I think we're just going to have a bit of a chilled weekend maybe a film night.

Updated the yolt app but done nothing else towards the finances. Going to spend a bit of time trying to go through the direct debits over the weekend. Not sure about moving dates around and usually leave the last few days of the month with just small DDs for precisely that reason @getmore4less . 

Dreading my f-type being collected but I know it needs to go to make any progress at all. 

@mark55man lol re the fire hose, makes a lot of sense. The demotivational quotes always amuse me - have that kind of twisted humour I suppose. Going to read the blog post now, thanks for taking the time to share with me.

alt80

Doing quite well with updating the yolt app. Seen quite a few on these boards having ‘no spend days’ makes me laugh every time I go on the app there are 10/15 transactions including the direct debits a day lol. Not sure I go a day without spending some money when there’s people on here going for nearly half a month. How??

Been reading a few of the diaries struggling to relate to some with whole families living on £2k/m genuinely don’t know how they do it but smaller mortgages £1k car etc I suppose. Most are in a better position than me truth be told and don’t have seven figures over them if I count the btls. Most surprising is they seem happy enough less stress work not their life.

Struggling with the mindset today all I want to do is take my wife shopping buy some new clothes, shoes, tech and go burn a tank of petrol for the sake of it. No one on here seems to really document how they get through days like this without just going out and spending on credit or is it just me who has days like these in the first place? 

purplehippo276

I guess it depends on how you class a no spend day. I class a no-spend day as not spending on anything out with what is budgeted. E.g. today I need to fill my car, but petrol is a planned and budgeted spend, so I don’t regard it as a spend as such. Buying a chocolate bar whilst I’m at the garage would be an unplanned spend, so I’d class it as a spend. 

Likewise, I don’t count direct debits as spends as they are planned and accounted for outgoings. 

QueenJess

alt80 said:

Doing quite well with updating the yolt app. Seen quite a few on these boards having ‘no spend days’ makes me laugh every time I go on the app there are 10/15 transactions including the direct debits a day lol. Not sure I go a day without spending some money when there’s people on here going for nearly half a month. How??

Been reading a few of the diaries struggling to relate to some with whole families living on £2k/m genuinely don’t know how they do it but smaller mortgages £1k car etc I suppose. Most are in a better position than me truth be told and don’t have seven figures over them if I count the btls. Most surprising is they seem happy enough less stress work not their life.

Struggling with the mindset today all I want to do is take my wife shopping buy some new clothes, shoes, tech and go burn a tank of petrol for the sake of it. No one on here seems to really document how they get through days like this without just going out and spending on credit or is it just me who has days like these in the first place? 

It's all about finding the right balance for you.  It's going to be harder at the moment because you are breaking a habit.  Isn't there something about having to do something for a month until the habit is broken?

Think about what it would mean going shopping and spending lots of money for the day.  Would that actually make you happy?  Would you feel better or would you actually feel like you wasted the day a bit, bought a load of stuff you don't need anyway and then feel guilty about the money you spent?  Why don't you think of a nice alternative that you can do with your wife and son?  It's sunny here (in the South), so you could go for a nice picnic somewhere with your family and a walk.  Gets you family time and isn't cash intensive.

Stick at it.  It will be harder at first, but I think you could gain so much from it.

alt80

@purplehippo276 might actually help if I had a budget to work to first then lol still not sorted that. 

@QueenJess probably just going to do some work tbh. If one month breaks the habits of a lifetime I’ll be very surprised lol. 

Would the shopping make me happy? Probably in the moment but won’t when the demand to pay comes. Telling the truth the only thing that would make me happy is limitless funds to spend on whatever I want when I want. Not sunny here it’s cloudy.

purplehippo276

If you are used to going shopping every weekend then it will be tricky at first in finding other ways to spend your time.  Have a think about what you liked so much about the quieter pace of lockdown, and the things that you like doing, or wish that you had time to do.  

My kids are young (maybe around the age of your son) and things that we enjoy at weekends are going out to country parks, the beach or the woods, and having a walk.  We'll take a picnic and a flask of tea for us, hot chocolate for the kids.  We'll often arrange to meet friends with kids of a similar age so we get to socialise and so do the kids.  All it usually costs us is the petrol, and an ice-cream for the kids.  If it's really rainy we might get the lego out and build together.  Have a movie day.  Things like that, that don't cost anything.    

If I want some time to myself, then I love cycling, so might go out on my bike by myself.

You'll get there, it will just take time!

Mum2Nan

alt80 said:

Doing quite well with updating the yolt app. Seen quite a few on these boards having ‘no spend days’ makes me laugh every time I go on the app there are 10/15 transactions including the direct debits a day lol. Not sure I go a day without spending some money when there’s people on here going for nearly half a month. How??

@alt80 - I've just read through your diary. 

Everyone has their own definitions of a NSD.  I don't include D / Ds or work related expenses but I do include all discretionary spending i.e. groceries and entertainment which I do have budgets for.  I include these because it's a challenge to keep the costs down and try to be more organised, particularly around grocery top-ups, if that makes sense.

Good luck on your journey!

M2N

QueenJess

alt80 said:

@purplehippo276 might actually help if I had a budget to work to first then lol still not sorted that. 

@QueenJess probably just going to do some work tbh. If one month breaks the habits of a lifetime I’ll be very surprised lol. 

Would the shopping make me happy? Probably in the moment but won’t when the demand to pay comes. Telling the truth the only thing that would make me happy is limitless funds to spend on whatever I want when I want. Not sunny here it’s cloudy.

If you are intent on working today, then make sure you have a designated hour to stop work and set some specific time to spend with your family.  Film night, reading to your son, or whatever.

I really don't think you would be happy with limitless funds.  Don't get me wrong, money does solve some problems and there are plenty of people out there who are struggling to survive on pitiful amounts of money.  However, I really do believe you would have an unfulfilling life if it is all about money.  If you imagine you were old now and looking back at your life, would you regret not being able to spend more money or the time you could have spent with your son?  Plus, I think you would always just spend whatever you have.  No one has limitless funds and you should be making the best of what you have.  You are lucky compared to many people.  Just slow down a bit and enjoy life.

Maybe it is more than a month, but I am just saying it takes time and you can't expect things to change overnight.  Maybe try and make a small change each week and build it up.  Even if you spend some money, say on an afternoon at the cinema with your family, that is still a better choice than the amount of money it would cost you on clothes.  Just try and pick an alternative instead.

alt80

Not every weekend usually like to take the ftype for a beating but going to be losing that soon so need to find something else to do. All my mates have sports cars / supercars bmw drives well and has a decent amount of power but I can’t really be bothered with it in that way and hardly going to go for a drive drive, iyswim 😉, in the range lol.  

Lockdown was that kind of family time couldn’t even burn the petrol lol. Maybe should make the effort to get out with wife and son as a family. Usually take him to wife’s parents.

alt80

@Mum2Nan thanks. I didn’t realise the no spends meant different things to different people thought it was literally spend no money at all. Makes a bit more sense.

@QueenJess already missed out on all son’s milestones. Everything I like involves spending money lol and someone has always got the next toy. Know I do well in terms of income generally tbf just never enough for me.