Gatherings at funerals from Mon 14th September

wizzywilc

I've been to 2 funerals during lockdown, and they were the most memorable that I've ever been to. It was as if the restrictions meant that the family focussed on making the ceremony the most fitting and personal it could be. In one case I was invited back for refreshments in the garden afterwards, but left quickly as it became clear that after a few drinks social distancing goes out of the window. I believe that family gatherings are known to have been the cause of covid spikes in some areas.
Celebrating a persons life, and grieving for them is not a one off event. I suspect for most bereaved people a traditional wake with lots of people passes in a blur. It is regular contact and time together in small groups, weeks and months after the death, that are the more important.
I hope things work out as well as they can do for your family. 

Polarpenguin

Was my Dad's funeral this week on Tuesday, so our plans had to be changed at the last minute. We were allowed 20 for the service, small chapel. Initially we were told they would allow more outside and set up the speaker system, if requested. Luckily, we didn't ask for this as the change in rules meant they decided not to allow this was notified on morning of service.

Our immediate family is 8 so we couldn't all meet up after either, we just chatted for a while at the graveside, we weren't asked to leave. Some one did suggest we should've had the wake there and bought a picnic with us. We aim to organise something when we are able to celebrate Dad's life.

Spendless

Polarpenguin said:

Was my Dad's funeral this week on Tuesday, so our plans had to be changed at the last minute. We were allowed 20 for the service, small chapel. Initially we were told they would allow more outside and set up the speaker system, if requested. Luckily, we didn't ask for this as the change in rules meant they decided not to allow this was notified on morning of service.

Our immediate family is 8 so we couldn't all meet up after either, we just chatted for a while at the graveside, we weren't asked to leave. Some one did suggest we should've had the wake there and bought a picnic with us. We aim to organise something when we are able to celebrate Dad's life.

Condolences to you. Was this a burial? My relative, who is still with us, it will be a cremation, so no graveside to gather  around, just the service and back to the car-park.

Polarpenguin

Spendless said:

Polarpenguin said:

Was my Dad's funeral this week on Tuesday, so our plans had to be changed at the last minute. We were allowed 20 for the service, small chapel. Initially we were told they would allow more outside and set up the speaker system, if requested. Luckily, we didn't ask for this as the change in rules meant they decided not to allow this was notified on morning of service.

Our immediate family is 8 so we couldn't all meet up after either, we just chatted for a while at the graveside, we weren't asked to leave. Some one did suggest we should've had the wake there and bought a picnic with us. We aim to organise something when we are able to celebrate Dad's life.

Condolences to you. Was this a burial? My relative, who is still with us, it will be a cremation, so no graveside to gather  around, just the service and back to the car-park.

Thank you. Yes it was a burial so we could stay at the graveside for a bit all social distanced in our household groups.
It makes everything so much harder, when you can't give your loved ones the goodbye you want.

poppystar

If it of any help we had a cremation rather than a burial in June when only 14 were allowed. It was a shorter service (never has so much effort had to go into twenty minutes) with live streaming too. We were able to stand around and chat outside after for a while which was better than just leaving. I think they were not only having shorter services but less of them to allow cleaning so there wasn’t the usual one in one out going on. The flowers were moved to the garden of remembrance and we walked over there to ‘view’ ie chat. It wasn’t the same as a proper get together but better than being rushed back to cars. If I’d thought of hip flasks in advance we could have toasted! The hardest part for me was all the extra organising it took: sending out links and passwords to those watching remotely and ensuring they had orders of service in time and choosing who to invite and dealing with those inevitably left out. Between relatives who thought they had a right to bring all offspring and offsprings offspring and the wrinkly brigade (no insult meant as I qualify too!) who were planning to gatecrash and gather outside it became a nightmare. Due to the constraints more thought had to go into it though and in some ways it was a more personal and intimate affair where you were able to feel more connected, as someone has said previously. 

Misslayed

Not sure if this is possible in current circumstances, but when my first husband died I booked (and paid for obviously) two consecutive slots at the crematorium, which gave plenty of time for quiet contemplation listening to some of his favourite music, all those who wanted to speak, 'viewing of the flowers'. Suggested by the funeral director, I didn't know it was possible.

Spendless

Ok, another query. Relative is still with us but not for much longer. My son has returned to his Uni town and accommodation. Whilst he's not one of those locked up, he's about to come under different rules, one of them is 'avoid all but essential travel out of area' Does attending a funeral come under 'essential travel'? 

Robin9

I am going to suggest that it wouldn't be very wise.
Will your son be included in the 30 that can attend the funeral ?

Spendless

Robin9 said:

I am going to suggest that it wouldn't be very wise.
Will your son be included in the 30 that can attend the funeral ?

Yes he would, he is a close direct line relative. I'm not worried about where he's been. He's been holed up with his 2 housemates, that were here for 2 weeks directly before returning to Uni,  one of them is now his girlfriend and prior to this she lived on a remote farm all summer The other lived alone in previous student accommodation, estranged from family. They've been skint as student loan only came in this week so not socialising. We took a grocery parcel to them last week to see them through.  

Savvy_Sue

Spendless said:

Ok, another query. Relative is still with us but not for much longer. My son has returned to his Uni town and accommodation. Whilst he's not one of those locked up, he's about to come under different rules, one of them is 'avoid all but essential travel out of area' Does attending a funeral come under 'essential travel'? 

I believe it was allowed under the initial lockdown, so I'd say it was. How will he be travelling, and how far? (I believe in early lockdown there were people at train stations etc asking "is your journey really necessary?" and sending people home if it was frivolous. I didn't hear of any roadblocks ... but that doesn't mean there weren't any.)

I don't know who you could ask about this, clearly the PM and cabinet have no clue, however it's possible that his local authority website will have more information.