Gatherings at funerals from Mon 14th September

Spendless

Following last night's news about the size of gatherings in England from Mon 14th September, I have read that for funerals the number allowed will still be upto 30.
What does this refer to? Is it just the ceremony at the crematorium or does it include being able to go somewhere afterwards including back to someon's house?
I have a terminally ill close relative, who hasn't got long left.  We have immediate family members who live a 2 hour drive away. Would it be the case that we couldn't all be together after the crem service? 

gettingtheresometime

My understanding is that it would be the service where 30 can attend.

afterwards I think the 'rule of six' applies so 'theoretically' it sounds that only groups of six people can get together but if you all 'happened' to be at the same restaurant afterwards  / pub wouldn't that be a strange coincidence.

Brynsam

'The funeral' is just that: the service at which the body is present (anything held later is a memorial service, not a funeral). Unfortunately any sort of event or gathering afterwards is classed as a social event and is covered by the 'rule of 6'.

Spendless

Thanks for the replies. You've confirmed my fears. Even when funeral happens, widower, children  and their  spouses plus grandchildren (none 'kids' 2 adults, 1 almost adult) exceed 6. This is without any further family such as siblings who face a 4 hour round trip to attend ceremony then have to go home.
Yes we could go somewhere, in seperate groups, but I've been out since rules were relaxed, you have to sit at your own table and not go and chat to any other groups in there. 
Not looking forward to telling hubby this news (I'm in the in-law in this so can be a little more objective). Have already got several family members struggling with MH due to situation with relative. The care  and diagnosis of them with this has not been great  over the past few months since they took ill. 

Gers

According to the BBC report funerals and weddings are exempt from the rule of six. The info is about halfway down. 

I hope all goes well on the day. 

Coronavirus: What are social distancing and self-isolation rules? https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-51506729

elsien

There will be clearer guidance published; you need to wait for that.
It’s possible the funeral may mean the service itself. Although if 30 odd people have been mingling at a funeral it does seem silly that they then can’t do so half an hour later at the gathering afterwards. 

bradders1983

The guidance clearly means the funeral (or wedding) service only, and not any "festivities" afterwards.  Although as already said, wouldnt it be funny if you all just went to the same pub afterwards? Nudge nudge, wink wink.

luvchocolate

It was even harder for families at the start... funerals were only allowed 10 people and that included officials at the funeral.
A truly difficult time to loose some one

Savvy_Sue

Having watched an online funeral, there was no mingling. Everyone sat separately. No group chats going on.

Even if you all end up at the same pub, the staff wont be happy if you start mingling. 

MoneySeeker1

It probably depends a bit on the pub/restaurant/etc afterwards whether they'd be "strict" with enforcement or no. 

If it's relatively soon - then maybe the weather will still be up to heading somewhere "out in Nature" where you all bring out posh picnic lunches etc? Failing that - then the staff in any "strict" type pub couldnt stop you all literally ringing each other up on mobile phones/Face-Timing/doing non-verbal language between tables/developing rather "loud" voices so that the next table could overhear the conversation. 

I guess it depends how "rule-abiding" - or otherwise - your relatives are or if one of you has a large-ish house in a rather private location (where snoopy neighbours can't tell you are there - even if the garden). I couldn't possibly comment on whether some people have houses like that.......of course....

74jax

I'm so sorry you are going through this at this time, if I can maybe explain how ours went, it may make you feel a little easier and more prepared.  This was during full lockdown in April.  

When we found out the time of the burial (we weren't allowed a funeral) we let a few people in her street know and they stood in their doors or at the window and watched mam leave the street.  This was lovely to see.  We weren't allowed funeral cars so we had to drive ourselves behind the hearse.  WHat I would say, is try and drive close to each other, as we had people pulling in front of us as it wasn't clear it was a funeral procession with not having any back cars behind the hearse.

I've already said on my thread about this, my brother used this for his 15 minutes of fame and gave an amazing send off to mam.

It was very strange to be stood separately but not awkward how I thought it might be, very dignified. We were called up one by one to place soil on the coffin, we couldn't line up.  The reverend said the Lords Prayer then quickly left, I didn't even get to speak to him....We were asked to leave the cemetery shortly after, I think we stood around a little too long....

I and my husband traveled from Newcastle to the Lakes (where Mam lived) and my brother came up from Lancashire.  Our children each had to drive themselves as they lived separately to us.  We all had a letter from the funeral directors.  Around the grave we stood in our 'households' and it was hard not to hug my daughter at this point, but it's all went remarkably well in all honestly.  

The strange part was afterwards, when we left the cemetry and just drove back home, we couldn't even go to Mams house for a coffee. 

The differences to expect are obviously as above, but also we didn't get as many cards or flowers as when dad died - due to people not being able to go out and get them or generally they had other things on their minds, but what was lovely was that people kept checking in more on text / online.  Flowers might be tricky as our florists were shut, but I used Amazon and had just some artificial flowers delivered (something handy to think of).  We also weren't allowed to give clothes for mam to be buried in, so worth knowing (I don't it will be that strict, but so you know).

We filmed the burial, and my brothers words, and all sand amazing grace by the coffin (VERY off key.....)  I scanned in photos of mam growing up and then with dad and put these to 2 songs - Supermarket flowers and I Hope You Dance.  We then as a family all had a huge Zoom that evening and watched it together with a glass or two of wine, and then sent the link to friends and family in Ireland who couldn't attend.  Even now I get notifications that people keep tuning back in to watch it which is lovely.

At the end of the day, it is what you make of it, and you have to put yourself and what your limits are at the forefront of what you do. I don't know how mam got to her age and didn't get a funeral, I didn't get to meet all her friends and to share the stories as you do during a funeral.  But I don't like ot think of negatives, the positives were there too and I look back at how my amazing family pulled together - her and in Ireland - over that time and can be proud mam would know we did the best we could.  

Good luck to you, and just be strong, you have limits so look for ways to accept them and do what you can within the boundaries, and know that unfortunately it was taken out of your hands at this time.