My OH has Annorexia, can anyone help?

Chollita

What a sad situation for you and her children. You sound like a great, supportive partner, and I understand only too well the frustration of trying to make someone see sense and get them medical help (my ex was an alcoholic).

seven-day-weekend

I asked a friend today about what 'woke her up' from a disorder that she had (not anorexia) and it was when her brother said 'look, if you want to kill yourself, go and throw yourself under a bus or something, but don't let those who love you have to watch you do it'.

A VERY high-risk strategy, but it worked.

I'm not recommending it you understand. Just trying to explore different options.

mr_worried_3

She has children from a previous partner. I live with her and her children.


I can see she is trying but she is petrified of "getting fat". I think she really wants to get better but is just plain scared. With time I just hope she'll realise it's not scary but beneficial for her to get better.

katiekittykat

Mr worried your partner is very lucky to have you. It's a terrible situation to be in and i wish you all the best of luck.

xxxxx

katiekittykat

http://www.medicinenet.com/anorexia_nervosa/article.htm


I just found the above website - don't know if it is of any help but is also covers despression etc too.

katiekittykat

http://hcd2.bupa.co.uk/fact_sheets/html/anorexia.html

Just found this link also, it has links to other usefull websites, telephone numbers on where you can get helpo and support to help her.

xx

pinkshoes

mr_worried wrote: »

everyone around me seems to say tough love is the best way to go. But I disagree. I have read a lot and heard a lot and the successes all appear to be from people with support, praise, and love. I think praising someone for doing something positive is far more beneficial than punishing someone for something negative.

I must admit that when she asks me how she looks I do compliment her body. I do think she's way too thin but I'm worried about how it would affect her if I told her she was to thin!? I should concentrate more on the off topic things like her smile, eyes etc.

Do you think an anorexic usually lies to his/her partner? How does bullimea work? Could a person hide such a thing from a person/partner?

What you say to an anorexic and what they hear are usually very different. Someone telling me I looked slim made me want to punch the wall, because slim to me meant fat! It's what people say to fat people who have SLIMMED down from a size 18 to a size 14 "Ohhhh, aren't you looking slim?" - which probably meant "Well you're still fat, but slimmer than you used to be!". Then again, if someone told me I looked emaciated, I felt it was an acheivement. There was no such thing as too thin, but if someone told me I looked ill/sick, then that would make me contemplate my life.

Anorexics lie. often without thinking. if someone asks if you've eaten, you robotically say "yes", often telling them how nice it was to sell the story to whoever asked.

Tough love can make an anorexic see it as a reason to starve even more, as when your self esteem is so low, you take any negativity as a reason to punish yourself.

Love and support is best, but be wary of praise as that may highlight eating and putting on weight, whihc are frightening for an anorexic. Praise her for how she looked after her child, what a great christmas present she chose, her great idea she had about painting the lounge pink etc... make her feel useful and wanted, give her a project to keep her busy. Make her see a purpose in life of why she's on this planet, but keep the targets small at first, because it'll be difficult for her to plan so far into the future. Daily/weekly plans work best.

mr_worried_3

pinkshoes wrote: »

What you say to an anorexic and what they hear are usually very different. Someone telling me I looked slim made me want to punch the wall, because slim to me meant fat! It's what people say to fat people who have SLIMMED down from a size 18 to a size 14 "Ohhhh, aren't you looking slim?" - which probably meant "Well you're still fat, but slimmer than you used to be!". Then again, if someone told me I looked emaciated, I felt it was an acheivement. There was no such thing as too thin, but if someone told me I looked ill/sick, then that would make me contemplate my life.

Anorexics lie. often without thinking. if someone asks if you've eaten, you robotically say "yes", often telling them how nice it was to sell the story to whoever asked.

Tough love can make an anorexic see it as a reason to starve even more, as when your self esteem is so low, you take any negativity as a reason to punish yourself.

Love and support is best, but be wary of praise as that may highlight eating and putting on weight, whihc are frightening for an anorexic. Praise her for how she looked after her child, what a great christmas present she chose, her great idea she had about painting the lounge pink etc... make her feel useful and wanted, give her a project to keep her busy. Make her see a purpose in life of why she's on this planet, but keep the targets small at first, because it'll be difficult for her to plan so far into the future. Daily/weekly plans work best.

I really do feel like i'm doing everything I possibly can and coincidently things have seemed like they are picking up over the last few days. Our relationship is straining so I think that might be one of the reasons she's trying lately. Not 100% sure but as long as she's getting better that's all that matters to me.