It's not all about the debt anymore........ 28 August 2020 at 3:22PM in Debt free diaries 31 replies 2.2K views

Treadingwater02

This is not my first debt free diary (last diary was called new diary, new hope) but I have decided to start a new one, mainly because my outlook on life and debt has changed immensely over the past three years and I would like my new diary to reflect the person I am now.
A little bit of back ground.......... 
My marriage ended just under two years ago, I found myself a single mum of one in a horrendous amount of debt. This was without doubt the lowest point of my life, I was lost, had little self-worth and was very low, but it ended up being the best thing that ever happened to me.
I actually had my LBM three years ago when my ex left the first time, I found out I was in £47,000 of debt excluding my mortgage, I knew I was in debt but I suppose at the time I was too scared to total it up and when I did I was in shock. I went to Step Change and set up a DMP which I have been paying for three years now. 
So now...........
My debt total is £26,611.09, I have paid up 43%, my debts are made up of £20,459.17 in a DMP and £6201.92 owed to friends and family. I have not taken on any new debt  and my total is coming down. I'm looking forward to it being under 20k. I have just been promoted at work, the pay rise is not huge its around £1000 a year, with the potential to earn more over the next two years. I budget every month and noticed this month some things starting to creep up so I have done some culling to reduce this back down. In regards to friends and family I pay regular payments to them every month, I have chosen  one debt to concentrate on - Next (in a family members name) this is the one I am making over payments to as this is the highest interest and the one I want gone by the end of this year, if not sooner, I currently owe £400.
Challenges still to face........
I suppose the major one is divorce and working out the financial settlement, but I am no longer fearful of this and I know whatever happens I will find a way and we will be ok. Pension, I have just tipped over the other side of 40 and currently I do not have a pension (other than state) this does worry me and something I need to look at but my reasoning is I need to get rid of the debt first. Mortgage, depending on divorce will need to sort out mortgage as current mortgage is interest only, I know this is not possible now as my credit is trashed but hopefully will improve over time.
The reason for my thread title is in the beginning it was about survival and my life felt consumed by debt but now its not, I'm happy and healthy, I have a wonderful daughter and family. I have a plan and dreams I want to fulfill, I feel optimistic about the future and I know I will never put myself back where I was before. I also budget for a monthly treat as debt busting can be a  long, lonely road so for me a monthly treat helps.
Budgeting aspect left to conquer............ 
FOOD SHOPPING!!! This is the bane of budget, I write lists, meal plan but I still feel like I am spending too much, so this month I've set that budget and I'm not going over it!

GeorgianaCavendish

Happy new diary! You've come so far already, can't wait to see what you achieve next  

Honeysucklelou2

I read your last diary with interest as I too am facing the sorting out of finances, post marriage breakdown. Well done for getting the debt down so far.

Treadingwater02

I haven’t updated for a while but until now not much has happened. Still paying the debt down, I’ve managed to have an under spend in my food budget this month which is amazing and the first time ever! Cars going in for MOT tomorrow so will be praying to the MOT gods for a pass.

 I suppose biggest news is my ex wants to start divorce proceedings, I knew this was eventually going to happen but it’s left me feeling quite vulnerable. I’ve got estate agents valuing the house this week, one has been out this morning and valued the house for more than I was expecting, which in normal circumstances would be brilliant but the more it’s valued at the more equity and the more I will have to find to buy my ex out. I’m feeling really stuck, I’ve got a provisional mortgage offer (the rates are terrible due to my credit history) but I don’t think it’s going to be enough. I can’t rent as the cost is huge (live in south east!) I don’t have family that I can move in with and it’s not enough to move and buy something else, so I’m feeling really low and out of options. It would cover the existing mortgage plus £15,000 to give to ex but with approx £64,000/£70,000 equity I think he will want more.

I knew this was going to be hard but I’m surprised how hard I am actually finding this. 

Honeysucklelou2

Thinking of you...I had an estate agent out today to do a valuation and it’s left me feeling quite unsettled - partly because I don’t think I’ll be able to get that much of a mortgage on my own and partly because I know my options are limited. Well done on getting the provisional mortgage sorted and the valuation though....steps forward.

Tahlullah.H

I always thought that you can ask the court to allow you to remain in the family home until your child turns 18.  It means he has to wait for his money but it means you don't have to move.  I may be mistaken, but worth asking your solicitor.

Treadingwater02

Thank you Honeysucklelou2, it is unsettling, I hope you manage to get yours sorted.

Hi Tahlullah, yes you are correct I have been advised that in 99% of cases like mine I would be able to stay in the house until DD is older, but I think for me I need some kind of closure and whilst the house is in joint names I don’t feel I would be able to achieve this. Also my ex has started to step up pressure and behaviour, he is incredibly difficult to deal with.

 I have made up my mind that I’m not going to rush or be pushed into making any decisions, I’m going to take my time and think everything through.

In good news the car passed it’s MOT!! 

Treadingwater02

Debt total down to £25,807.04 this month, my goal is to have it just under 25k by the end of the year which I believe is doable and will put me in the right mindset going into 2021.

In other news started trying to negotiate equity split with ex, not pleasant and I’m wondering how long it will stay amicable! 

Treadingwater02

So in answer to the above question about how long it will stay amicable, answer - one day! Awful day yesterday, I had a barrage of nasty emails, lots of threats about solicitors, courts and coming back to the house. I spent a lot of time crying, just out sheer frustration and disbelief. I feel like every single bad financial decision I’ve made is coming back to haunt me now. I’m just going to wait to hear from his solicitor and take it from there. I know all of his behaviour is about applying pressure and bullying in the hopes he’ll undermine me and push me into making a rushed, bad decision which I’ll end up regretting, so in the meantime I’m just going to keep moving forward and hold on to all the good things in my life.

 I’ve also managed to pay up another debt, so that’s 3 out of 15 gone, 12 left to tackle. I want to get another one paid up by the end of this year.

Aspiration

Treading Water just wanted to say I think you’re absolutely making the right decision in how you handle this. 

Don’t be pressurised, you’ve got to make the right decision for yourself and family and not be pushed in to any situation. 

Also your Ex will have to pay a lot for legal advice and in my experience of dealing with legal disputes, people realise quickly they cost a lot!

Hope you’re ok and managing to look after your wellbeing.

Honeysucklelou2

Are you going through the mediation route?