Timing for distribution of "estate"

thepurplepixie

People can leave their money how they like, the norm isn't intestacy as no one would need to write a will if it was.  Leaving money to grandchildren isn't penalising anyone as noone has a right to inherit anything, if your parents left you anything just be grateful as they didn't have to. How would you feel if you were told the norm was for a childless aunt to leave everything to nieces and nephews. 

You aren't doing the norm if you go by intestacy as it would be for everything to go to your brother, or does the norm only count if it suits you?

onwards&upwards

You don't seem to be considering the idea that your parents view their grandchildren as people in their own right, people that they love and are important to them.  I expect they mean more to your parents than a 'lifestyle choice' of your brother. 

Do you have any relationship with them? 

I don't have children, but I love my nieces and nephews very much.  My parents love them too, and I wouldn't mind at all if they wanted to leave them something in their will that meant my 'share' was slightly reduced.  

MoneySeeker1

There wasn't/isn't much of a relationship with my brother - we've always been "polite" to each other previously - as we share parents and we have nothing in common apart from that (as we absolute poles apart in every single way possible as people - hugely different outlooks/hugely different interests/hugely different intelligence levels). That's how it has always been. Correspondingly - it's a "polite" relationship to the children - ie cards at birthdays etc.

The grandchildren aren't being left a token amount (ie a few hundred £s each). They are being left very sizeable amounts.

theoretica

This is sounding more and more to me like an argument for high inheritance tax and so less difference between those who do and those who don't inherit..

thepurplepixie

I can see a great argument for leaving most of it to the GC, afterall you are a grown woman, I think you are retired so well into your 60s.  The children are in a world where they will have great challenges with jobs, buying a home and huge debts if they want to go to university.  Their need is almost certainly greater than yours.
Onwardsand Upwards, a childless aunt or uncle can be a wonderful thing for a child.  I have one and I am now responsible for her as she has dementia, sometimes it is hard and then I think of the times she took me out, when she tried to teach me to knit (doomed to failure) holidays we went on.

BooJewels

I'm with you on that one @thepurplepixie - my sister and I had a childless aunt, who is about to turn 93 and I'm infuriated that the pandemic is preventing me from looking after her the way that I should now be doing - the pandemic itself and my father's passing during lockdown have hit her hard.  Likewise, my sister has never had children, but has a great relationship with my own now grown up son.  It's one of those family dynamics that is unique and of real value.  I fear that the OP is so busy cutting off her nose to spite her face, that she's actually doing herself a long-term disservice.  You can't change how other people act, or things they've done, but you can change how you respond to it.

There's clearly something about her circumstances and approach to them that I'm just not getting.  In other recent posts she refers to her brother as 'grabby' and her sister-in-law as 'a smooth operator' and in other threads about how some people feel unreasonably entitled.  In this thread she refers to the brother's family "planning on taking the lions share of it in fact " - surely, they'll get exactly what the will stipulates.  Executors don't just decide how much they want from it and then divvy it up accordingly.  The fact that she doesn't approve of the distribution of the estate is actually irrelevant - that decision was already made by the only person entitled to do so.

It also begs another question - if the brother and sister-in-law are executors, they presumably are doing all of the work (and it can be quite an administrative burden, maybe made easier if they've already been active attorneys, as I've found myself) in respect of the estate, clearing the house, selling it etc.  Another reason why the share should perhaps reflect that additional effort.  I'm doing the same task myself at the moment and would perhaps feel a little resentful myself if I did all that work, but another family member who didn't do anything, got the same inheritance as me.

thepurplepixie

@BooJewels, I think people do ignore the work involved in being an executor or having the LPA.   I know my aunt has left everything equally to her nieces and nephews and yes it is annoying when some of them haven't bothered visiting her in two years let alone actually doing anything useful.  I will have the last laugh though, I am currently spending their "inheritance" at the rate of £5k a month to keep aunt in a lovely home.  She has been there for 4 years so with other extras that is £250k gone.  I know they will suddenly be able to visit with their hands out when they think they are getting their "inheritance" but there won't be much left, I reckon she has a few years yet and gets excellent care, I think their reactions will be interesting.  Another group of people thinking life is so unfair.
I bet your aunt is missing you, it is such a special relationship.  I love seeing my youngest two with their nieces and nephews.  They may have children of their own, they still have time, but they get so much from their nieces and nephews who adore them.

onwards&upwards

thepurplepixie said:

I can see a great argument for leaving most of it to the GC, afterall you are a grown woman, I think you are retired so well into your 60s.  The children are in a world where they will have great challenges with jobs, buying a home and huge debts if they want to go to university.  Their need is almost certainly greater than yours.
Onwardsand Upwards, a childless aunt or uncle can be a wonderful thing for a child.  I have one and I am now responsible for her as she has dementia, sometimes it is hard and then I think of the times she took me out, when she tried to teach me to knit (doomed to failure) holidays we went on.

Thanks, but if they ever refer to me as a 'childless aunt' I will cut them out of my will! 

thepurplepixie

It is how my aunt always referred to herself, it was how she saw herself really, almost everyone who knew her called her "Auntie X" as she did love a title!  I know it is different if people don't want children, perfectly valid choice, but not having children of her own was a great sadness and she did very much see herself as childless, I've got a friend who is very annoyed about  it as she is child free but as I tell her that isn't how it is for everyone.  Even now with advanced dementia and with little understanding or memory she still longs for a child.  It is sad and as close as we are and with my parents both long dead she is the closest thing to a mother you could have but it never made up for it for her.  Nature can be cruel.

onwards&upwards

thepurplepixie said:

It is how my aunt always referred to herself, it was how she saw herself really, almost everyone who knew her called her "Auntie X" as she did love a title!  I know it is different if people don't want children, perfectly valid choice, but not having children of her own was a great sadness and she did very much see herself as childless, I've got a friend who is very annoyed about  it as she is child free but as I tell her that isn't how it is for everyone.  Even now with advanced dementia and with little understanding or memory she still longs for a child.  It is sad and as close as we are and with my parents both long dead she is the closest thing to a mother you could have but it never made up for it for her.  Nature can be cruel.

It was only a bit tongue in cheek, but tbh it is frustrating for women who choose not to have children to spend their lives still being defined by that choice, or by their relationship to other children.  Men who don't have kids don't get that! 

If somebody wanted children and it didn't happen for them that's a very different situation and tragic for them, but you can't tell who is who by looking.