Seeking a simpler, less frantic and much slower way of life.

VJsmum

Have you tried some of the blogs that mar's thread mentioned?  They are old fashioned / stripped back / self-sufficiency things.

Maybe have a think about why you feel life is frantic?  Surely in lockdown it is less frantic?  Maybe you're missing a chat over a cuppa with a friend or family member?  I know i did before i eased off lockdown a little.

greenbee

My mum is in her 80s (only just, and she'd hate me saying it!), but has happily shopped online for some time. When my dad died she switched her supermarket shopping to online as well, as she can't manage the physical loading and unloading of trolleys and cars so well - this meant she was well-prepared for lockdown and doing all her food shopping remotely way (she gets quite a bit from the local butcher who has moved to telephone orders). She has deleted the new app from her phone & tablet, no longer gets newspapers (when she did, she got a different one every day) as she's realised that she wastes hours reading them, and would rather spend time with a good book. She makes an active decision to look at/listen to the news and when we were on holiday none of us looked at it at all for a week!

You say you want a simpler 'less frantic' life, but also say that you're preserving 'like a manic squirrel'. This is clearly something you enjoy, but maybe you should consider doing it in a more meditative and mindful way? Slow it down, enjoy the sensations and flavours. Plan and consider carefully what you are going to make, think how (or even if!) you will use it, or who you will give it to (I'm constantly giving lettuce to neighbours who don't grow any, and will be taking beans to an elderly neighbour on Monday and tomatoes to a friend who lives in a tiny flat with no outdoor space). However much I try to grow 'just enough' the plants don't always cooperate!

I always remember kittie, who did huge amounts of prepping and ended up throwing out huge quantities of stored food including stuff she had preserved and dried herself. It's such a waste to store more than you need, plus many people find 'stuff' stressful. It needs managing and cleaning and most importantly, using. 

My mum makes marmalade every year in vast quantities, but only gets through half a dozen jars herself. However, she gives masses away - to my brother's family who eat a lot of it, the odd jar to me (I don't eat much of it, but it's nice to have for visitors and glazing ham) and as gifts when she visits people who don't make it. Friends give her the odd jar of jam/jelly/honey/chutney - each one seems to have their own speciality. Likewise she bakes for friends and neighbours - particularly those who do odd jobs for her but won't accept payment. It satisfies her baking/preserving needs, without putting her under pressure or taking up space. 

If you enjoy gardening, maybe think about growing flowers so you can enjoy the beauty and wildlife in the garden - particularly on days when you're stuck inside but can look out onto something beautiful. Have cut flowers you can bring into the house. Grow houseplants to clean the air and provide a peaceful environment. Make time to stop and appreciate your home, garden and family. It's OK to do nothing. Ignore competitive business - I achieve far more at work by being the 'least busy' person in the company and having time to listen and help others than everyone else does by rushing about!

It's worth remembering this poem (Leisure by William Davies)

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

gwynlas

You already seem to be doing a lot of the things suggested growing your own,cooking from scratch, reading elderly news, daily walks etc
Are you sure that you are no just feeling the after  effects of the lockdown and repercussions?
i used to take six books at a time out of the library and took out twelve as lockdown approached but once those read didn't seek out any of the unread books at home or follow TV series I would normally.  On going life still all feels a bit odd to me as though something I'm expecting to happen hasn't as yet and whilst I feel fine I cannot concentrate in the same way. 
We've all been participating in a life changing event to which there is no end in sight.

[Deleted User]

You're a wise bunch and I take on board what you're saying and it all makes a great deal of sense.  I like the cooking and growing and my 'thing' in life is the preserving, I enjoy it so much and we can share what I make (we always have with neighbours, friends, family, the occasional WI sale when I belonged) so I have to keep going with that it gives such satisfaction to see all the different colours lined up in the cupboard and makes me feel warm, and before anyone thinks it not just from standing stirring over the maslin pan!

I picked up a small library of new to me books when it looked like we were going to get a shut down and I've about half left to go now so the library isn't an issue , yet, but I might be glad of it if this goes on for too long and I actually run out of books but I have an ancient kindle so can always download more if I need to, one of the benefits of modern technology along with what's app and skype and also the ubiquitous mobile phone which I seem to have become umbilically linked to.  I often think in 1918 when the last pandemic was raging world wide how it must have been so very anxious waiting to hear by telegram or the post how your family were faring, small mercies in instant communication these days.

So, I will buy fresh flowers, that will make me happy, I don't normally because we usually have a garden border full of colour but having been very thorough in prioritising veg growing the garden only has one clump of Michaelmas daisies in front of the ornamental grape that I love so much I couldn't get rid of them, bright beautiful flowers every couple of weeks as we aren't spending on anything else apart from groceries.  We haven't had anything approaching a treat since March because we're still concerned about going into crowded places BUT on our way back home from walking this afternoon we had to walk along a tiny section of the main road through the village where the shops are and I saw that the local coffee outlet/ex pub restaurant has put chairs and tables outside under the old medieval market hall which stands on pillars and is open on all 4 sides and thought I could do that, we could have our Sunday morning coffee again so when we got home I rang DD and invited her and OH and the baby for coffee tomorrow morning and they said great idea, yes please.  The sense of relief at being able to do something 'normal' was immense, maybe that's what I need, the small escape from the humdrum of covid separation in a safe as it can be place once in a while.  Bless all of you, thank you so much xxx.

monnagran

What you don't change, you have chosen.
If you want a simple life, you chose a simple life and discard everything you can that complicates things.

This might be impossible if you are still working full time, bringing up a family and looking after elderly parents, but if you are retired, and like me living on your own, then your happiness lies in your own hands.
By that time you also know yourself well enough to know what will work for you.  In my case my priorities are my family, my friends, my books and my music, in that order.  Other things are irrelevant and even if enjoyable for a while, can safely be dispensed with.
I don't aspire to any particular style of living, my home, my activities, my way of life is peculiarly mine, and would probably not make sense to anyone else. It most certainly wouldn't work for anyone else. Why should it?

What else is there to say?

[Deleted User]

Well I most definitely didn't choose covid to come about and until it did our life was much to our taste, if anyone has constructive ideas on how to end it and let us ALL live normally again I'd be really grateful as no doubt would most of the worlds population.  What we chose has been taken from us and what we're left with until resolution of covid one way or another is proving to be less than ideal to live with.  What I'm looking for is a way through the time that is still to run until there is a way to live with covid safely and not go crazy in the meantime.  Ways to make it less onerous, ways to still live a good life even if it's still restricted.

C_J

Quite a lot of what you have said resonates with me boazu, but for me I think what I crave isn't a slower, less complicated way of life, it's security. And that is what COVID has taken from me in many ways.

I'm lucky to have a large rural garden, and I grow as much fruit and veg as I possibly can. Like you, I derive enormous pleasure from doing all the preserving (today it has been dealing with stacks of pears, which have been picked, cooked for crumble and cake fillings, and sliced/dehydrated for pear chips to snack on). It makes me feel good to future-proof my food stores - it fulfills that need for security - but with the kitchen garden producing harvests every day, all the prep s also exhausting and feels never-ending at the moment. I'm hoping my calmer way of life will come when the bulk of the fruit and veg are harvested and processed, and at that point I am going to evaluate how things should be for me going forward. 

For health reasons (Mr CJ has advanced prostate cancer) we have been shielding and it has become so much the norm that we haven't yet returned to going out, and that is simply down to residual fear. I know it isn't a good way to live, but I'm not yet sufficiently confident that it is safe enough in the outside world for us to risk it. Having had so much of my leisure enjoyment curtailed for so long is doubtless a factor in me feeling a bit discombobulated, but I am looking forward to a (post-vaccine) time when things will once again be more the way they used to be.

So for me it isn't a desire for a quieter time, it's a desire to be back in control of my life, of my choices, of my security and not have every decision be informed by suppressed fear.

greenbee

boazu said:

Well I most definitely didn't choose covid to come about and until it did our life was much to our taste, if anyone has constructive ideas on how to end it and let us ALL live normally again I'd be really grateful as no doubt would most of the worlds population.  What we chose has been taken from us and what we're left with until resolution of covid one way or another is proving to be less than ideal to live with.  What I'm looking for is a way through the time that is still to run until there is a way to live with covid safely and not go crazy in the meantime.  Ways to make it less onerous, ways to still live a good life even if it's still restricted.

If you want to adapt to the changes made to your life by Covid, you need to start by thinking what they are, and whether they are positive or negative. Not everyone has found that it has been all bad. In my case, despite causing me health problems for the last 5 months it has had a positive impact in some areas - I no longer fly out of the country almost every week, I don't spend what little time I have at home unpacking/doing laundry, I eat better because I cook for myself rather that relying on airports/airlines/hotels/conferences, I do more yoga and pilates (because it's online, so more accessible), and ironically I spend more time with family and friends - even if most of it is online (I didn't see anyone other than my GP for a lung check for the 10 weeks I was in isolation) or at a distance. When I do see friends, it's in small groups, outside doing something like going for a walk or swimming in the sea.

Of course, people who are missing foreign travel, large parties, eating out regularly etc are going to have to think harder about adapting. But as @monnagran says, it's about working out what your priorities are and then finding ways to achieve them.

As I've been at home, I've been reading more non-work books. With the library closed, I've had to buy more - but I'm buying second-hand online, and then selling them back by the boxful (along with unwanted CDs/DVDs) and so minimising the cost and clutter. 

From your earlier posts it sounds as if your life is fairly relaxed - gardening, walking, preserving, reading etc. You've got family close by, so walks and meals with them are possible (the rules now allow the mixing of two households and include overnight stays, although we try to keep to separate bathrooms where possible and spend as much time as we can outside). If all households are observing good hand-hygiene and mask-wearing, and minimising risky behaviour, then mixing in small groups is low risk. What is important is knowing that the people you are spending time with have the same risk appetite as you, so you don't feel uncomfortable with their behaviour. 

If you want life to be 'less frantic' you need to identify what is making it feel like that, and develop strategies to deal with it. Mindfulness and meditation are great ways to do this, and don't have to be about sitting cross-legged on the floor chanting. I have a friend who paints, and uses the painting process as a meditation. You can cook (and eat!) mindfully. You can take time to observe a bee on a flower, or a ladybird climbing a stalk of grass. Deliberately taking time to do things and be aware of doing them can help slow things down - even hanging out the washing can be done mindfully!

[Deleted User]

I could have written the same post CJ, and security is one of the things we crave most too and for everyone else to bide by the rules of masks and social distancing and common sense so the fear factor is lessened and we can all feel that little bit more confident that if we do venture out it won't be the minefield of possible risks that it currently feels like. I am feeling inundated with produce too, small garden but very productive and 2 allotments both producing more than I can cope with every day, and OH does go every day and comes back with bags and boxes full of what his efforts have grown so I feel like you an obligation to sort it all out and make things to feed us in the future. It's not going to last forever because things have finished like the runner and French beans and the soft fruits are slowing down but I'm nearly out of freezer space and I'm having to make jam with them or lose them because they go mouldy.  Plums by the bagful every day, more tomatoes than I can really cope with and I'm running out of ideas for making things and jars to put preserves in but tomorrow will see a huge batch of ketchup being made and bottled up in the last of them.  Sadly though if I use up the two big trays full on the kitchen windowsill I can see nearly that many again ripe on the plants in the garden, never ending.   Yesterday brought the first of the maincrop potato harvest so the garden room floor is covered with newspaper and drying potatoes, the woodstore outside is covered with drying maincrop onions and he says the red onion crop is ready too......... and breathe.

We shielded from March and have never really felt safe enough to mix in, both ,as everyone knows, of us have underlying health issues and our GP daughter still tells me that it's not safe to go out and be with other people, if I must for something I just cannot source online she says I can do one shop visit masked and gloved up and no more than 10 minutes inside. She has however said that we will be OK if we go for coffee and sit outside away from everyone else so tomorrow we're going to do just that and do the first normal thing we've done since March and the lockdown.

Desire for quieter and less frantic is driven by the mad amount of food preservation I'm whizzing about doing at the moment and yes control of life back would be a wonderful thing and I'm sure it will happen in  the long run.  It would happen a lot quicker if everyone else was as careful as we've been and thought about how their actions impacted on people who might be very ill if they caught covid .  I think what I would like to find is peace of mind and my balance again so I can look at the risks over covid from a position not driven by the fear of catching it.

Floss

Forgive me if this sounds blunt, but why do you have 2 allotments and a productive garden for just 2 of you? When I had both a husband and an allotment we struggled to consume what we produced on a 250 sqm plot with 2 greenhouses & fruit trees, to the extent that it was always a relief to have the last french bean curry just before the PSB came in.