Fiwen takes flight(?)

fiwen30

New job didn't work out. The kids were great, the role & responsibilities were a hard learning curve, but I could've cracked it in a few weeks. But between unprofessional, pedantic management, and the incredibly poor attitude and behaviour of the staff towards the children, I decided to decline their offer. Couldn't work in a place like that. Have written more about the whole, sorry mess elsewhere, can't bring myself to do it again here.

After a suitably contrite and sincere admittal and apology, I managed to get my old job back without any drama. Am so thankful, and feel such a relief. I've been beside myself all day, thinking I'd jeopardised our mortgage offer if I wasn't rehired, and what if we lost our house because of it. It's a good thing my partner is a cool, calm, and collected person, because our relationship wouldn't hold 2 of me!

I had been crunching our budget preparing for the worst, and trying to fit our number into partner's income for next period, in an attempt to keep me sane whilst I waited for an outcome. It just about fit for 1 month, but it wasn't comfortable. Just goes to show that the grass definitely isn't always greener, even if it does give more hours. Would far rather be happy and content in a job where we have to watch our budget a bit more, and can't save as quickly as we'd like; rather than being miserable, overworked, and jaded in order to be a bit better off.

At almost-30, having lived through some Big Life !!!!!!, I thought I'd learned pretty much all there is to know - certainly more than the basics in each category, anyway. But I guess every day can still manage to be a school day, and you can still mess up in life, despite years of experience.

My take away is that I did enjoy the job, just not in that company. It was something I could still see myself doing, just not there. And that is a win, in my book. In the meantime, I'm going to be suitably penitent, keep my head down, and do my job as well as I always have plus a bit extra, and be content in what we have, rather than coveting more, for now.

fiwen30

It is always much easier to say that you’ll correct a behaviour, learn/unlearn a habit, or commit to something new, than it is to actually do it, even when you’ve the best intentions in the world.

I would like to be content in my part-time job, at least for a while, be content with the amount of income it generates us, at least for a while, and to put my remaining time and energy into maintaining a happy and harmonious household. Unfortunately, I am not domesticated by nature, and housework has always been a struggle for me. I don’t take pride or pleasure in it, and would sooner spend my time procrastinating over it, whilst becoming more demoralised by how much needs doing. In previous relationships, I’ve resented being pigeon-holed into the role of housekeeper.

But this time, it’s different.

This time, it’s something I’m taking on myself, because I can see where my responsibilities lie, and can see the positive knock-on effects of my making a home for us. Whilst I don’t work full-time, I’ve accepted the responsibility in helping my partner shoulder his full-time work - which means making the house a tidy, relaxing place to come home to; saving us money by shopping smartly and cooking from scratch; making sure he has lunch to take to work to save money, and keep him well fed; and cleaning regularly, as much as I hate it, to keep the down dust and pet hair that makes us both sneeze.

There was a long time in my life when I would’ve rebelled against this role reactively, shunning all aspects of domesticity under the umbrella of ‘it’s not my job, just because I’m a woman’. And while I still agree with that, I’ve expanded my stance - it’s not my job because I’m a woman; it’s my job because it’s an addition of what I can/need to contribute to this household and this family. Where the time comes that my partner must step back from full-time work, and I must step up, then our roles will reverse and he’ll take on the position of homemaker, which is how it should be.

So I’m trying to take pride, if not pleasure, in this domestic work. Because it’s work that sustains us as a household, just as much as his work outside the house does, just differently. It’s just as essential, just as necessary, and just as worthy. That’s not to say that he doesn’t do anything around the house, just that I’ve lost that sheen of resentment that I used to have, when former partners did nothing at all. We both contribute equally to this family, just in different ways.

fiwen30

Exciting news! Our solicitor has called us in on Tuesday 17th to sign the contract for our new house! We're looking at completion in the last week of November. We've 28 days notice to give on our rented house, which will take us to the end of December. We're hoping to use those overlapping weeks to put down new floors, and get a chunk of the decorating done, before we move in. It'll also give us time to pack & move, and also to properly clean the old house too.

It feels so surreal, after 4 weeks of not doing anything while we waited for the survey to be done. It'll be about 12 weeks from offer accepted to completion, which is just fantastic. Thankfully for us, our sellers were very motivated, and have already moved out into rented accommodation, so it should be smooth sailing

I'm still making in-roads into our food shopping expenses, and have found a nice handful of dishes that partner enjoys, and that make up many portions which also freeze well. So he's been kept in lunches and good, cooked food, and we're spending about £320/month on shopping, down from about £400 before I began budgeting & cooking.

Partner drew down his part of the deposit funds today, and added them to my own, ready for exchange. He made veiled jokes about my playing the long game, and running off with all his money; and is venting his nerves and excitement about the house by embarking on increasingly impractical DIY projects that are taking up the whole living room, and creating clouds of dust. The latest project is setting his spare (enormous) tv into a dining table top. Not even our current dining table, which we'd already agreed likely wouldn't fit Ito the new house anyway - a second, even larger, even uglier, dining table. So now we have 2 tables, one of which now has a tv in it, when we probably won't have room for 1 table.

We certainly don't have room for 2 tables, and it's just taking up valuable space that we need to stack boxes when we start packing. I had been keen to hire a professional packing service, and absorb the cost as money well spent to save us time and effort, but was poo-poo'd. I did put my foot down about hiring a van and doing the move ourselves, to 'save money', though. Here's hoping packing goes smoothly once we get stuck in, although when we'll find time for it is anyone's guess. We're both in retail at Christmas time, and it's only going to get busier between now and then, let along factoring in home decoration & moving!

Still, shouldn't complain. It's not every day that a years-long dream is weeks away from your grubby little hands!

kayannie

I have just read through your diary and want to wish you the best of luck in your new home. A very exciting time for you! As the mum of a daughter who has both cystic fibrosis and coeliac disease, I can understand some of your problems. The Cystic Fibrosis Trust offer advice regarding insurance etc, but I am sure your partner will be well aware of that.

fiwen30

kayannie said:

I have just read through your diary and want to wish you the best of luck in your new home. A very exciting time for you! As the mum of a daughter who has both cystic fibrosis and coeliac disease, I can understand some of your problems. The Cystic Fibrosis Trust offer advice regarding insurance etc, but I am sure your partner will be well aware of that.

Thank you! We’ve been looking into Pulse insurance, but every option has been scaled right back in light of Covid, which is understandable but annoying. We may have to revisit partner’s insurance in a year or so, but will get in touch with the CF trust in the meantime.

I hope your daughter is keeping well. Partner is due a phone appointment from the hospital on Thursday, and we’re hoping it’ll be regarding a Trikafta prescription in the not-so-distant future. He missed out on Orkambi and Symdeko, but to get Trikafta early in the new year would go a long way towards making up for 2020.

fiwen30

So in an unexpected, but very welcome, turn of events, I went into work the other day and my manager told me in the down-low that there is a new key holder position coming up, with my name on it if I want it! She was very gracious and understanding about my unfortunate attempt at jumping ship last month, but I was still fairly certain it would have kept me at the bottom of the pack for the foreseeable. I’m incredibly grateful that that hasn’t been the case - that she still values me as a member of the team, and thinks me worth a promotion. She said she admires my resourcefulness, confidence, and ‘can-do’ attitude, can’t ask for more than that.

It’s a bit more money, and more contracted hours, which is exactly what I needed. I said from the start that I didn’t want to have to leave, but that we needed me to have more money/hours in order to keep making ends meet comfortably, and this should fit the bill perfectly.

riotlady

Congrats!!! That sounds perfect, you must have impressed them

Sarahwithlove

Just caught up on your diary. I'm sorry to hear about you losing your mum. I lost mine 2 years ago and it was really hard. But like you I used the money I got towards a deposit on my own place and now I can be happy in knowing it went to good use. 
That's great news about the job fingers crossed for you as all extra money will help the budget. Is there any meals you can both have? Would he not consider eating any gluten free meals? I'm dairy free and we use dairy free sauces etc and just both eat it as its cheaper than doing two seperate meals. Even if you can't for every meal might be nice if once or twice a week you could have a meal together. 

fiwen30

Thank you both!

Exchange on Tuesday went well, and we’re aiming to complete on Thursday 26th! Deposit monies have been sent, and funds requested from our lender, so it’s all go.

Took delivery of a mini skip this morning, and while I’ve been cracking on, partner has had his nose stuck in his laptop trying to get a PS5 🙄 He has some birthday money left over, and is putting the rest on his CC, the repayments for which will be coming out of his Personal Spending budget over the next few months. I would’ve rather he’d waited and saved up for it in cash, but here we are. At least the card is still 0%.

Partner was able to get 2 weeks off work from the 29th, which is excellent given that it’s retail in December. I on the other hand have been given so many hours, as another staff member has left. So it looks like we’ll be having an uncomfortable role-reversal for a while - he’ll have to take point and project manage the new house, liaise with and field calls from contractors, oversee the new floors, take delivery of the oven, book in the locksmith, and the fencing contractor, and crack on with the redecorating; and I’ll be slogging away at work, half-mad with distraction, and gnashing my teeth at being left out, because I’m a complete control freak when it comes to things like this. 😂

Partner has been managing his anxiety by building that bloody table, whereas I’ve been managing mine by creating copious lists and schedules of everything that needs done on any given day - it’ll be very difficult to give that up, and while partner is used to a managing role at work, it’s something he absolutely loathes in his downtime. He’s been more that happy for me to drive the process so far, and it keeps me calm knowing that everything has been done and ticked off by myself personally. It’ll be very difficult for the both of us, but I’m hoping we’ll get through it ok!

There’s also the small matter of an allotment I have, the notice on which expires on 1st December. I’m not keeping it on another year, as it’s too expensive and I’ve not got the time for it; but it needs to be cleared, and I’ve only got 2 days off work between now and then to lift paving slabs, remove equipment, and various other bits and pieces. And of course it’s meant to rain both days. I’ve been meaning to get this done for weeks now, but it’s just been pushed further and further down the list.

It’s all feeling a bit overwhelming at the moment. 31st December seemed years away this time last week, but now it feels way too close for comfort! I’ve spent Christmas, my birthday (30th), and New Years in stress and panic over various different things each year, for the past 3 years. Had hoped to maybe have a nice, quieter one this year, but at least the stress and panic seems traditional now?

Sarahwithlove

Why doesn't he wait for black friday for his ps5?
That's exciting about the house. As hard as it is to give over the control at least when you come home from work alot of it should be done. 
Ha you'll have to go for a quiet Xmas next year in your own home instead.