Paying sibling half of what parents gifted, plus interest

onwards&upwards

If I was your partner I would transfer £8500 to the brother's account and then not get into any discussions with him about it ever again.  Just shut it down as soon as he brings it up. 

Then tell the parents what's been done.  They may change their will they may not get around to it, but it doesn't sound like the inheritance is likely to happen anyway from what you've said. 

maman

If the parents aren't involved in changing the will then the brother could end up with whatever he receives now and the whole £17000 in the future. His attitude doesn't sound very reasonable or reliable from what you posted.

I'd say to him that he has the option of £8500 now or he could take out a loan himself and pay interest on that.

As an analogy, we paid for driving lessons for DD1 years ago when she was 17. DD2 decided to learn eventually as a grown up. We volunteered to pay although the cost of lessons had gone up massively. DD1 didn't turn up and demand that we paid  her the difference! 

Of course, we don't know the circumstances but neither your partner or her sibling are entitled to a loan or an inheritance or anything from their parents. On the face of things the brother is pushing his luck. It doesn't put him in a good light. 

Savvy_Sue

Life's not fair, ever. 

Let's face it, every year the parents have survived since 2003, when brother was going to get a flat £17,000 more than his sister, he's been missing out because of inflation / lack of interest potential etc. 

To insist on some equation to make things 'fair' is the kind of thing one of mine would have done - when he was pre-teen ... 

IF I were in a position to do so, I MIGHT give him more than half, maybe up to £10,000, but it would definitely be the end of the matter, and if he didn't like it he could do the other thing. 

Are the parents in a position to change their will now, or would the daughter not want to involve them in this squabble? 

Takmon

KezJH100824 said:

mason's_mum said:

Can the parents not afford to help him out in the same way they did your OH?

Unfortunately they're not in the position to gift him anything, let alone £17,000. 

One of the reasons my OH wanted to split her gift with him now is because realistically there may not be any money left in their parent's estate, especially if money has to be used for care costs. You just don't know what's around the corner do you, and she didn't want her brother to miss out.

I do believe that she isn't legally obliged to a) share her gift, and b) give him any interest, however, she's a 'good egg' (sometimes a little soft) and wants to try and keep the peace and avoid a family feud. I'm a little less trusting of people (once bitten, twice shy) so think she should sort this now and get something in writing so nothing can come back to bite her in the future!

This kind of thing where money is gifted by people and then inheritance is adjusted to compensate is pretty silly in my opinion because it can cause bad feelings and a sense of entitlement to certain assets when the people involved are still alive and far from dying.
Over the years my siblings and i have received gifts which sometimes are monetary gifts and not once have we discussed about how we should all get an equal amount so it's "fair" because it wouldn't make sense.
For example one of my siblings has had a very expensive gift recently from our parents of something they "needed" but was actually not really essential but it was a very nice thing for them. It was a surprise and i helped my parents in choosing the right one because it's a bit technical and i thought it was a really nice thing for them to do and i didn't at all think that i should get something too.
When my parents die we all get an equal share of the estate and it would be ridiculous to start adding up gifts and then expecting the will to be adjusted. Also if my parents spent all their money on enjoying life while they can and then to get the best care if they ever need that then i wouldn't care if i got no inheritance in that case.

I'm very money orientated but expecting gifts or inheritance is something i would never do.

silvercar

If it wasn't for the care costs issue, I would be inclined to return the £8,500 to my parents and let them decide whether to pass on the £8,500, the £8.5k with interest or something else.

zagfles

maman said:

As an analogy, we paid for driving lessons for DD1 years ago when she was 17. DD2 decided to learn eventually as a grown up. We volunteered to pay although the cost of lessons had gone up massively. DD1 didn't turn up and demand that we paid  her the difference! 

Well quite, that's the brothers point, probably. Things cost more now. The equivalent would be you only paying DD2 what you paid DD1 towards driving lessons and letting her fund the balance.

The "fair" thing to do here is obviously to pay half the £17k in real terms, ie adjusted by inflation since 2003. Of course there's no legal obligation on anyone to be fair, but family relationships are usually more important than legal obligations. To most people anyway.

onwards&upwards

I very much doubt that had the sister invested/saved the money back then that it would have kept up with inflation.

Malthusian

Takmon said:

This kind of thing where money is gifted by people and then inheritance is adjusted to compensate is pretty silly in my opinion because it can cause bad feelings and a sense of entitlement to certain assets when the people involved are still alive and far from dying.
Over the years my siblings and i have received gifts which sometimes are monetary gifts and not once have we discussed about how we should all get an equal amount so it's "fair" because it wouldn't make sense.
For example one of my siblings has had a very expensive gift recently from our parents of something they "needed" but was actually not really essential but it was a very nice thing for them. It was a surprise and i helped my parents in choosing the right one because it's a bit technical and i thought it was a really nice thing for them to do and i didn't at all think that i should get something too.
When my parents die we all get an equal share of the estate and it would be ridiculous to start adding up gifts and then expecting the will to be adjusted. Also if my parents spent all their money on enjoying life while they can and then to get the best care if they ever need that then i wouldn't care if i got no inheritance in that case.

I'm very money orientated but expecting gifts or inheritance is something i would never do.

Would you still feel the same way if your parents gave one sibling hundreds of thousands of pounds?

Bear in mind that in the OP's situation, they are - in their eyes - unlikely to get anything from the estate*, and as it stands the partner has had £17k and their brother will get nil.

If I was the brother in that situation, I wouldn't feel like the situation of someone whose parents were very generous to all their children and were likely to leave an inheritance on top was particularly relevant to me.

(*In reality, you don't have to pay care costs once your assets go below £23,250 in England, with higher amounts in other UK countries, so there is a small inheritance even if you "run out".)

To address the original question: personally I would withdraw the offer and tell the brother we'll sort it out if or when the inheritance is received. No further correspondence would be entered into. If the OP's partner proceeds with the gift there is every chance they will just get more whinging further down the line.

If the brother can't pay his debts, there is every chance the partner's £8,500 (or whatever) will only benefit his creditors anyway.

mrschaucer

Unless the parents are completely on board about altering their wills there would be no way I'd consider any gift to such an unpleasant person.

zagfles

onwards&upwards said:

I very much doubt that had the sister invested/saved the money back then that it would have kept up with inflation.

Why not? Stock market is way up on 2003 even with the recent falls. Interest rates haven't been that far below inflation on average since then. Anyway, it's besides the point as that didn't happen as the sister needed the money then. You may as well compare what it would have cost the sister in interest to get an £8500 loan and pay that over!

£8500 in 2003 terms is not the same as £8500 in todays terms, so to pay £8500 over now may be a nice thing to do, it goes above what is legally required, but it's not "fair" in terms of money from parent to child. Of course there might be other unfairnesses, and nothing is ever fair, etc etc.

But if OP is asking what is fair in this isolated case, it's to pay half the actual value of what was received, which is £8500 in 2003 terms, around £12-13k now.