Where do I stand and options on moving on/forward.....

I'll try to keep this short and to the point. 
Rewind to March 2019 my partner left me for someone she was seeing for around 4 and a half year's. Our daughter who is autistic and non verbal, is now 12 years old stayed with me through mutual agreement with her mother, mainly because her and I are closer and I can read her/know what she wants and needs better than her mother. Her mother left with good intentions (I think) on seeing her at least 40-50% of the time, which lasted all of a few week's. Since Autumn last year it's dwindled to a day to a day and a half a week (anyhow that's a moan for another day).

I'll be 44 next month and need to get stuff sorted out and I need help on what to do and which are the best ways to approach thing's for the future without my ex partner hindering me.

I don't have a will.

We remortgaged for 10 year's fixed, 3 months before she left and have heavy charge's in the first 5-7 years if I/we need to change anything. Also when we bought the house her and I had a 50/50 share in it arranged by the solicitor.
I don't have the money to buy her out, she won't sell. Even if she did agree to sell
I'm unsure if I can get a new mortgage, because I'm on benefits UC/DLA/CA (latter 2 are for my daughter's disability) and I work 8-12 hour's a week. She gives me no money towards anything, i.e. food, mortgage, although she does buy clothes for our daughter at times. 
I try and approach her about money and it almost always blows her up into an argument. Tired of the way things are and need some guidance on moving forward, ideally as cheaply as possible, and with as much little come back in years to come.


  • pphillips
    pphillips Posts: 1,631
    First Anniversary First Post Name Dropper
    edited 26 July 2020 at 12:05PM
    I am assuming you're not married to you ex-partner.

    The mother needs to be paying child maintenance, start here to find out how much she should be paying: https://www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance
    If she won't agree, you might have to go through the Child Maintenance Service.

    Regarding the house if you can't come to an agreement this will need to be sorted out through the courts, whether you seek an order for sale or a property adjustment order for your daughter is something you need to get legal advice about. Some family law solicitors will give a free initial consultation.
  • MovingForwards
    MovingForwards Posts: 16,818
    First Anniversary First Post Name Dropper Photogenic
    In addition to the above.

    Look into severing the joint ownership of the property, so you can do as you want with your 50% if you die before your ex does. But speak with a solicitor as there may be an entitlement to more due to your daughter.

    Then have a look when free will week is. They are paid for by charities, on the proviso they would like something left to them in the will. Don't feel like you have to especially as you haven't much yourself. You will need one or two people to carry out your wishes and also someone to look after your daughter if your ex doesn't want / can't have her.

    When did you last have a benefit check, as it would be worth making sure you are claiming / receiving everything you should be.
    Mortgage started 2020, aiming to clear it in 2026.
  • Deano777
    Deano777 Posts: 62
    First Anniversary First Post
    Firstly you need to apply for child maintenance. She should be supporting you in caring for her daughter.
    Speak to a solicitor regarding your house. It may mean that you have to sell
Meet your Ambassadors


  • All Categories
  • 341.7K Banking & Borrowing
  • 249.7K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 449.1K Spending & Discounts
  • 233.8K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 606K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 172.5K Life & Family
  • 246.7K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 15.8K Discuss & Feedback
  • 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards