Join me on a ride on the wild side.......

SPWM1980 · 20 July 2020 at 9:47PM

Hey folks.

I hope you're all well. First post on here in many a year and, well, I have a story to tell that is at the same time, still being written, so to speak. Join me by the camp fire, as I tell ye about the magical mystery tour I started on some weeks ago, and which I'm still on, as I challenge the heathen masses, the Zombie army, the Undead Wights, that we know and love, as Vodafone Customer Services, or specifically, their Customer Relations team.

Now, this starts with (and contains in various places) mea culpas of mine for failures to do things I really should have done and at certain times. Along with an apology for something I absolutely shouldn't have done. But, we begin (be warned, it's long)......

Our story begins in the summer of last year, specifically 364 days ago (it would have been 363 but for those pesky leap years), when Ofcom announced some measures regarding mobile contracts.

Now, the first mea culpa is that I work in the communications industry and specifically in customer services, so I should have been on top of this. I wasn't. That's my fault and a teaching opportunity for yours truly. Had I been, and this would be my advice to anyone that is about to or has just come out of contract with Vodafone (for other providers, please read the article) and hasn't renewed due to waiting on options / new handset etc - contact them to confirm the price reduction.

You can Google for the announcement (I cannot post a link at this time), I shall summarise it as following. Vodafone Pay Monthly customers that have been out of contract for more than three months must have their costs reduced to show the equivalent of a switch to a comparable SIM-only tariff. Sounds great, yeah?

So I would say that as one of the reasons for not being on top of this personally, is that the company I deal that deals with mobile connections and hardware, we bill everything separately. So there wasn't anything to learn from in my defence, but anyway - it was in April / May I learned about it and I had been out of contract since November last year and so left some feedback after using the My Vodafone app and being asked to do so. And so I waited for someone to contact me to discuss my feedback.........and waited.........and waited.........and never heard a thing.

My long-suffering other half will attest to the following: I have the general motivation of a Sloth with a thyroid problem, however when I am hard done to, or feel hard done to, I will chase the problem down with a zeal akin Liam Neeson in Taken / the sabre-tooth squirrel from Ice Age trying to open his acorn. I am not a man to be crossed.

So with aforementioned zeal, I decided to make a formal complaint to Vodafone via their online form service.

Another mea culpa incoming. If you were to meet me in real life either through work or pleasure, you will find me to be one of the most pleasant, fun and open minded people you'll come across. I also have a very long streak of patience when it comes to work and other such issues. When it comes to financial issues and my daughter? I make Lindsay Lohan look like Mother Teresa. You have never seen anyone with a shorter fuse.

So I submitted the complaint to Vodafone a few weeks ago and I did it after a particularly frustrating work day and bad night's sleep. Never a good combination for a man with a hair trigger. The complaint I submitted, whilst extremely clear and mostly concise, also contained remarks that were sarcastic and flippant, based on their lack of response the first time round. Had I picked up that email in my job, I'd have no doubt had a giggle, followed with a comment about the sender being an !!!!!!. I wouldn't disagree with that assessment of myself, to be honest. I'm a believer in being as helpful as possible in my role and I always say to colleagues that it helps when customers are understanding instead of being aggressive. Words I need to live more by. Partially why I'm posting this here today, by the way, so as to share my experience and feel as though it is a performance, rather than something to be suffered.

And so, part of my complaint was to advise that I usually work from very early in the morning (7.30 am onwards) to quite late in the evening (6pm-7pm) and so as such, I wanted to be emailed. This was only partially true - it's because I work in the industry that I know when things go wrong, it's always best to produce written evidence to resolve issues. That was the main reason I asked for email correspondence ONLY. Note the "only" bit. Anyway, automatic response back advising I would receive contact in 48 hours. Great.

And then 48 hours passed, which I then let turn into 72 hours......and lo (a word you rarely see used) and behold - a response from Vodafone!!!!!!

A text message from "Vijay" on the Customer Relations team to say he was going to call me. During the day. When I was working. < insert gnashing of teeth here / facepalm emoji's here >

I had a break in the afternoon and spent some minutes responding to the email I got from Vodafone about the 48 hours - again with much frustration on my my side, rightly or wrongly. I highlighted my request for email only and did, in what we shall describe as impolite language, asked them to get better at their jobs. I finished them email off with the instruction to not call me under any circumstances.

At 6.01pm that evening, as I was mid email to a customer, I heard my phone vibrate on the table at the side of me and it was a text message from Vijay saying he'd tried to call me. Which was strange, as my phone didn't ring. I checked the call logs to make sure I hadn't missed it as it was tapping away on an email to a customer - no call showing. Two thoughts crossed my mind at this point, the first was "can you lot not read &*!)*"% emails?!!, the second was that had he called, I would have answered and been happy to speak to him. The message said he would try again in 6 days. SIX DAYS. Or I could call the contact number to speak to someone. Ever stuck something in an ant hill?

He'd just done it, proverbially speaking,

I found the contact number I'd previously been sent and rang it. The young lady, Nikila, that answered the phone has probably had several frustrated customers in her career and I was initially calm, however after some minutes dithering on hold, after I had asked to speak to Vijay, she was clearly in no mood to deal with my levels of frustration, before then deciding to mute herself and pretend the call had failed. Anger levels, rising.

So I redialled. I shouldn't have done in hindsight because I let myself down personally on the next call. Although, some may think I was provoked. But the red mist had descended and for the first time in my life I entirely lost my cool to someone that hadn't done anything to deserve it, at least first time round. Danesh answered the phone, and must have thought "Jeez, what a lunatic", when he was met with the words "hi Danesh, I'm sorry, but I'm going to spoil your work day". He attempted to perform security but I demanded to speak to a manager. Full Karen mode had been engaged. He said he needed to know why. I told him he didn't and to go and get a manager on the phone. Unfortunately, for him, saying he couldn't, again, seemed harmless. But it wasn't, because I was in town to chew gum and kick !!!!!!, and at that point I was all out of gum.

I raised my voice well above what a normal person would and shouted to get a manager. He said no. I asked him which bit he didn't understand and to not refuse my request. He then said I wasn't clear and wasn't making sense. I then lowered my volume and said "here's me asking to in plain English to go and get a manager, which bit don't you understand". He then said I was abusing him and was hanging up on me for being racist.

Wow. He might as well have walked into my house and asked if my daughter slept on the first date. I erupted. Imagine Krakatoa, but with nuclear fission involved. I got some words out, including "I'm going to make sure you lose your job", before he sensibly hung up the phone.

I took a few moments at that point to compose myself, thankfully the house was empty as my other half and daughter were at a hairdressers appointment for their first appointment since the lockdown started. I gave myself five minutes and decided to call back one last time. This time I was to play the "needy, please help me" customer. Anger had got me nowhere the first two times (remember, teaching moment, and I say this as someone that is beyond his 40th year) although I was utterly steaming.

The third chap that answered was the most helpful person I have thus encountered so far, his name (I believe) was Niqab. When I spoke to him I apologised for sounding breathless and frustrated, and asked him to stay with me whilst I briefly explained why I wanted to speak to the most senior person on duty. After completing security he then asked me to wait on hold whilst he spoke to the "Senior TL". Several minutes went past, which was a good thing as my anger levels were receding, however when Niqab returned, apologetic as he was for not being able to put me through to the senior manager, he was met with my utter refusal to accept his attempts to objection handle and I simply asked that he understand this and please get his manager. Several more minutes on hold entailed before the poor sap returned, apologetic again, and again without his Senior TL. However, he advised he had passed on all the details and that I would receive a call back within a few minutes. I asked him to set a proper expectation (I'm forever being told under promise, over deliver) and he reiterated what he had clearly been told - Call back in less than 5 minutes.

That was at 6.33pm. I bet you can guess what happened next.......yup, no call. I gave the person until 7 pm and then decided to use another "line of attack".

Social media.

Now, I am quite the Twitter addict however I've never really felt the need to follow helplines and such for the businesses with which I provide my business. I do however message them when stuff goes wrong, like we all do. And it was Vodafone's turn. And I was going to threaten legal action to add some seriousness to the situation.

It took me 20 minutes to type out the experience I had been through that night and over the days/weeks proceeding, along with my complaint/account details. I was hopeful of finally getting somewhere as I'd had a lot of success in the past with social media as companies understand that word of mouth is a powerful buying tool. They say it's the hope that kills you.....and indeed it took 7 days for them to even respond to my Direct Message. With a response that basically read "soz, no can do bro".

In between those two points, I decided that my blood pressure was best served but not getting mad at random people on the phone and so decided to wait for what would surely happen soon. And I waited for Vijay to call.......and waited......and waited.

And I'm still waiting. The 6 days was up in the middle of last week. I've checked my emails tonight after work though and I've found one from him! His fingers work fine, maybe he's lost his voice, we'll give him the benefit of doubt, for now.

The email says that he's sent me some verification code at the weekend and that he has began investigating my complaint. Which he said around two weeks ago.. I'll let you guess if I've received the code or not. I've now replied to him, remarking that I'm glad to hear he's alive and well after he failed to call me as he was said he was going to. I've explained no verification code received which I've added to the list of failures that he and Vodafone have presided over. I finished off with what I thought was a perfectly acceptable "don't be a stranger".

I've now also, worked out the email address for the Customer Experience Director at Vodafone and have much of what I've typed set out in a more formal setting should I need to hit send on my message. That though will be akin to Princess Leia throwing herself at the mercy of Obi Wan Kenobi. We still have many Bothan spies to get through in the meantime.

I'll finish this off by saying I've also done something I never usually do - I've today decided to cancel the direct debit (which I did before finding the email). I would usually pay my bill to keep things moving, however at this point I feel it's the only way to guarantee that somebody, ANYBODY, contacts me further. Even by phone.

To be continued.............

J_B · 20 July 2020 at 10:15PM

T L D R . . . . . .

pphillips · 20 July 2020 at 11:01PM

Don't post the magical mystery tour on here! We only need to know the date of your book release so we can all buy a copy.

ballyblack · 21 July 2020 at 10:12AM

I would usually pay my bill to keep things moving, however at this point I feel it's the only way to guarantee that somebody, ANYBODY, contacts me further. Even by phone.

Yes you will be contacted......by debt collectors!!

Neil49 · 21 July 2020 at 10:38AM

I don't know if I missed something here but was there actually a question within that publication?

I've had dealings with Vodafone regarding a dormant account that was no longer on system and they were extremely helpful once they understood the issue. You just need to provide clear and concise information to enable them to do so.

The OP is not clear or concise in any way and has just shot himself in the foot by cancelling the direct debit.