GAMBLING DEBT!

Fatsdom

I think you're in denial my friend. You speak as if going into the bookies is part of your expenses, that's ideally you'd "like" to avoid. You mention a small wager is just fun (but of course a small losing wager leads to big losses every time).

You need to remove the time, opportunity and money to gamble. Time is a tough one if you're on furlough but the other two aren't. Go into your local bookies and self exclude (it might feel a bit embarrassing, so what? Losing a grand is embarrassing too, the staff will have clocked you many times. They will probably be relieved for you). If you haven't already done so, sign up for Gamstop.

Now for the money part, also the hardest part. My strong advice is to tell your partner. Its going to come out eventually anyway when you can't pay priority bills and you can't get any more credit, so do it now. I'd advise handing over control of your finances, but even if you can't do that then agree to let her see your statement once a week.

I'd also urge you to consider attending a Gamblers Anonymous (I believe it can be done remotely at present), and speak to professionals (visit the Gamcare website). 

If you don't deal with the gambling, then the rest is futile. I'm speaking from experience, as you may have guessed. 

PommeVerte

I think you need to talk to a gambling addiction professional or charity, reading your words is like listening to an addict talk (i have significant experience with substance addicts), realising they have a problem but carrying on anyway, sometimes its stronger than you think and you need outside help. 

AntoMac

Just had a read of this whole thread Ry3
You’re getting some really good advice - PLEASE take it. Seems like a bit of denial going on with the gambling. Of course it’s far from easy but you can overcome it. Good luck.

ry3

I was referring to gambling can be controlled and fun but I agree not in my case I've passed that boundary along time ago staying completely clear of any form of gambling is the way forward maybe I should speak to Jeremy Kyle he's had personal experiences then again I'd probably want to cave his head in. 

ry3

I've come clean to the wife she knows everything 😁 big relief!!!!! We will work through this together can you believe I cried? The sun's beaming here things can only get better 😁😁😁 x

ceremony

ry3 said:

I've come clean to the wife she knows everything 😁 big relief!!!!! We will work through this together can you believe I cried? The sun's beaming here things can only get better 😁😁😁 x

That's great news! Work together on this one, don't ever set foot in the bookies again. You'll be far better off for it.

Well done and hopefully in a few months time this will be a distant memory for you.

ry3

ceremony said:

ry3 said:

I've come clean to the wife she knows everything 😁 big relief!!!!! We will work through this together can you believe I cried? The sun's beaming here things can only get better 😁😁😁 x

That's great news! Work together on this one, don't ever set foot in the bookies again. You'll be far better off for it.

Well done and hopefully in a few months time this will be a distant memory for you.

I'll drink to that Sir! 

mr_stripey

ry3 said:

I've come clean to the wife she knows everything 😁 big relief!!!!! We will work through this together can you believe I cried? The sun's beaming here things can only get better 😁😁😁 x

good news mate. If you've come clean and she didn't throw you out then you've got a good foundation to build your future on. Budget together so you know how much money you both have - a lot easier when there are no skeletons in the cupboard.
It's great that she's sticking by you - but you must not get involved in gambling again - you definately don't want there to be a "next" time
Good luck !

ry3

mr_stripey said:

ry3 said:

I've come clean to the wife she knows everything 😁 big relief!!!!! We will work through this together can you believe I cried? The sun's beaming here things can only get better 😁😁😁 x

good news mate. If you've come clean and she didn't throw you out then you've got a good foundation to build your future on. Budget together so you know how much money you both have - a lot easier when there are no skeletons in the cupboard.
It's great that she's sticking by you - but you must not get involved in gambling again - you definately don't want there to be a "next" time
Good luck !

Never a truer word spoken mate thanks a million.

BabyStepper

ry3 said:

I've come clean to the wife she knows everything 😁 big relief!!!!! We will work through this together can you believe I cried? The sun's beaming here things can only get better 😁😁😁 x

Omg, I just read your whole thread in one go and almost cried when i got to this post. Thank goodness you told her, you can have her help you sort out the debt and you don't need to hide the credit card or spend a fortune you don't have away at the hotel. Great move, and some excellent advice given on this thread.  

One more thing, take the advice about contacting Gambler's Anonymous. Your wife can be supportive but she won't be able to offer the help an anonymous programme can. I'm a member of one (not GA but they're all similar), and it opened up a whole new world for me. You will have a huge team of people helping you who are available at all times of night and day, you will be inspired when you meet people who have quit gambling for years and feel much better for it, you'll be challenged on your own denial (gambling for fun, really?? you know you can't!) and you'll have people to listen when you feel like you're going crazy because you want to gamble, you know you shouldn't, and your mind plays tricks on you, trying to persuade you it'll be ok because no-one needs to know, the debt's not too big yet, etc etc. Just do it. Go to an online meeting. You don't even have to speak, just listen and see what comes of it. 

All the very, very best.