Almost 50, fat and depressed!

joho

Thank you Belfastgirl23 - very interesting. I will take a look at both of those.

Thank you too BananaRepublic - when the husband decides he is ready to lose his extra weight he will be militant about it! And I will have no choice. But, yes, I hear what you say.

Thank you all. I appreciate all your answers. Heartening to know I'm not alone!

xx

goldfinches

Dear Joho, you're me this time last year! I've gone from a BMI of 34 to 23 in that time so please take heart, it is possible. In addition to all the other advice above, which I heartily agree with, I recommend the Skinny Slow Cooker series of cook books on Kindle (free with Kindle Unlimited), Good Housekeeping recipes, BBC Goodfood recipes, Jamie Oliver recipes, Dairy Diary recipes and British Heart Foundation recipes. All those are free to access web sites apart from the Kindle one and they all give calories per portion so that you and your husband can browse and meal plan to your heart's content. 
I do sympathise, depression is a horrible illness and I think the way it deprives you of the ability to fight back is the worst part of the whole experience. Please do ask your GP for help as you may well find that there is something available to help you get going enough to begin to see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel which I have found gave me sufficient encouragement to be able to keep going. I've had days where just getting out of bed is a real triumph and getting out the front door has made me visualise my own chorus line all doing celebratory star jumps on a nearby bridge with pompoms and fanfares. All this to say, doing it alone is tough, doing it with all the help you can bear to ask for and assorted cheerleaders is easier but just do what you can and then do it again the next day and soon you'll be sorting out the next size down clothes and finding things you forgot all about owning now fit you again.
Best of luck and sending good vibes your way,    
xx

MrsPorridge

Talking about sizes of plates - an old dieters trick is to use a smaller plate.  I have dinner plates, side plates and one that is between those two sizes called a salad plate.  It also looks like you are eating more if you use smaller plates/bowls.

clive0510

look for the positives in life and not the negatives. pubs are opening, birds are singing because they have a nest in the shed roof! look forward and not back, and if you decide you gunna do something, then go do it!

joho

Thank you goldfinches. Very lovely words and encouragement.x

RobM99

Reduce intake of sugar, salt, alcohol, caffeine and fats.      Eat before shopping, it stops impulse buys.   Make a list and stick to it.

belfastgirl23

Let us know how you go Joho, I’m on my own journey at the minute too and hearing what other people are doing and their points of struggle is always helpful.

My husband is a cook too, and a good one, which is the other bit that’s hard about all of this, a lot of the time I just don’t WANT to say no and I kind of want him to take the responsibility for me going off track (apparently this is codependency). That’s not fair to either of us really. I’ve found being really clear is helpful, asking him ahead of time to please not offer me wine because I’m not drinking, that sort of thing. We negotiate a bit around meals and have agreed one fancy meal a week on Saturday, one pizza night (with some left over for him the next day) and at least two lentil or bean heavy nights to balance them out. I keep control of my breakfast and lunch so it’s working out ok.

Usually if other people understand how important it is to you - and why - they will at least not disrupt you too much. Though if your husband needs to lose weight too I’d also be careful about how I speak about weight loss so he doesn’t feel kind of piled on about your reasons. So I would be talking about potential health risks and benefits (this is the time that you have a perfect health risk around, one very minor benefit of COVID), but if there’s eg heart disease or diabetes or whatever in your family or you have any pain that you think could be reduced by losing weight, focus on that as your rationale if you can. That way it’s up to him if he wants to take action but you’re talking about yourself not him. For myself I have joint pain when I’m carrying extra weight and people do understand that really well as a reason for turning down the buns - it’s very hard for someone to say that wanting to be pain free isn’t a good rationale.

And yes I was in exactly this boat a few years ago too - I knew I couldn’t face turning 50 and being as overweight as I was. It is easy to get obsessed by the big birthday and can be helpful as a driver, so I did lose around 20lbs just after I turned 48 (this was weight gained during a pretty traumatic period so losing it felt healing as well), gained 8lbs of it back and then lost another 12lbs in the run up to the big birthday.  I had in mind to be at goal for the date itself (I’d say that’s another 7lb from where i am now) but that just send me into a spiral of overeating as I got closer to it. So I’ve reframed it that I want to be at a final settled weight by the END of my 50th year, which has definitely lifted the pressure a bit. And that I want to learn to maintain my weight. 

All of which is to say there is hope. It is possible to lose weight even in middle age. Don’t lose heart.

happyandcontented

I feel very similar to you in that I know what I have to do and I start out determined but then the glasses of wine, chocolate bars and crisps creep in. I love food, there is almost nothing I don't like! It depresses me, but I am not depressed, if you see what I mean. I want to be a size 10 and I am creeping towards a 16. 

I am at a life crossroads and want to go one way, but lack of decisiveness, lack of willpower and fear of the unknown pull me the other way.

I can retire early, but I fear I will not be able to fully occupy my time. Will I miss the office banter, even the politics? I have a family wedding next May which I need to lose weight for and I finish my second degree next year and will hopefully have a graduation ceremony to attend. I only work part-time now, but I run the house, study, and have volunteer positions and we like to travel. However, post-Covid all our long-held travel plans seem in disarray. So, I ask myself should I retire given the current situation, and so it goes.

All of the above seem interconnected and the lack of clarity in one area clouds another. I know I need to do something but lack the motivation to actually take the first step, or I slip back having taken the first step.

MrsStepford

Low carb diets work best for weight loss. I went from size 22 to 14 in under a year without exercising or loose skin. I did let the carbs creep in somewhat recently and put on a stone. I'm cutting out the few I had added and gone back to strict no sugar. I reckon people could lose a lot of weight just by cutting out anything with sugar or other names for it eg agave syrup, evaporated cane juice, dextrose (58 in all)

Murphybear

Hi

I understand how you feel, I’ve been there.

I am diabetic and now over 60.  Both my weight and blood sugar were out of control.  I stuck to a high fat low carb diet for 6 months.  I lost 3 stone and my blood sugar was normal.  My main exercise is swimming, I was advised to do this after 5 knee operations including a replacement.  My husband loves his food, with the lockdown he is very large but also finds low carbing easy.  The best place to start is the Diet Doctor website.  There are also loads of websites now with low carb recipes.

I have found the best way to lose weight is to find something that suits you.  What works for one of us may not help you.  

Good luck with it