I am so scared

kath20

Thank you for being kind. I will come back tomorrow and please do write. It does make a difference. It has been upseting talking about my situation and I should have done it before. I just hoped for a miracle to take it all away. And also, there is always fear that I will get into the system of benefits and never work again. I just wanted to stay in my world.
Thank you.

Jacster_2

Kath

Good for you on posting. You've taken the first step to sorting it out. Just do it one step at a time.

Next look at the data. It sounds like you do a great job on the projects you work on. Treat it like a project. Get the data. Analyse the situation. Develop the solution. Implement the solution. I make it sound simple, and I know it's not, but the steps are the same. It's just about you this time.

Use Martin's budget planner. This will be a great tool to help you.

Keep posting. There are some fantastic knowledgeable people on this board who can help and provide money-can't-buy advice for you. I'm unfortunately not one of them, but can do the encouragement thing.

So big hug, good luck.

meanmachine_2

Please don't let your pride stop you from asking for help.

and these people might, ahem, earn less than you, but that doesn't mean they won't be sympathetic.

Having said that, your wage is well above average, so I am sure that, if you post your full budget, people on here will be able to suggest ways of cutting back. For example, a rent of 950pcm on a one bed flat sounds very high to me. You really should take a look on sites like rightmove.co.uk. There will be properties available for around the 600pcm mark that are fairly central.

It may seem gradual and piece meal, but every little saving helps.

kath20

Thank you, you are so kind and I will follow your advice. I am just very tired because I have spent all my free time in the last six months trying to develop an idea to generate extra income. I have very little energy left and I have to stay focused for that because I can not allow myself to get so upset like I did today. However, I do think this site is very beneficial and doing a great job. I wish I found it few months ago. But you know seing so many people in need of help is quite upseting. And seeing my own problems laid bare is also distresful.

Malestrom

Kath, its difficult to suggest anything without knowing the extent of your debts but with a debt repayment of £1000 a month i'd guess we're talking a fair amount of money here. If you think bankruptcy is the best option for you, and from the sketchy details we have, i'd probably have to agree, then there are a few things to consider.

Firstly, you must fill out the budget planner. The Official Receiver will want to know so you have to do it but more importantly, if you take the debt away via bankruptcy, will you have enough money to survive on? You have to bear in mind that even after bankruptcy, you will stay have to pay a percentage of your free income to your creditors for at least 12 months. You MUST have a robust budget in place to ensure that you can meet your living expenses and payment to the official receiver during this time.

Secondly, benefits. I can tell from your posts that you're a very proud person and I feel that there is a certain sense of indignity that you have to ask for help. Benefits are there to help you, they are to assist you, me and everyone else in living our lives. We pay taxes to provide for just these circumstances and, forgive me for saying it, but letting pride get in the way of financial assistance is just plain stupid. You need to claim whatever you are entitled to. I would advise that you post on the Benefits board as there are some really helpful people there who can advise you on what you may be entitled to.

Thirdly. I hate to pry but why do you receive no financial support for your daughter from her father? I hope its not a pride thing again is it? I pay child support for my son, who does not live with me but with his mother, and have done so for the past 14 years. I do not resent paying and his mother and I came to an amicable agreement about it long ago. Asking for support is not showing a weakness to your ex, it is merely claiming what is rightfully yours....or more to the point, hers.

Fourthly, your comment about having to talk to someone 'who earns less than me about why I am in such a mess' is a little unfair. These people do a fantastic job helping people in your situation, they are professional and give excellent advice. Probably most of the people you have turned to here for help earn less than you....I know I do, I earn half your wage. That doesn't mean that they or I deserve to be labelled as any sort of lower class citizen.

Lastly, if you decide to go bankrupt, don't pay your creditors this month/next month. If money is tight, whats the point of paying them when you could be using that money for living expenses and to pay the bankruptcy costs. They won't have time to do anything about it before you get to court and any entries on your credit record that they make wont matter as you'll have a bankruptcy entry anyway.

I'm sorry to hear of your situation, you seem to have been dealt a pretty crappy hand over the past few years but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I hope we can help with advice and support and I wish you luck.

Eliza252

Hi Kath,
Glad you decided to post after all - thought your webpage was a good idea anyhoo! (sorry you couldnt post a link but its gotta be neutral on here - thats what makes it so easy to get reliable advice on MSE)
- just to echo what i think someone else has also said - dont be too proud to claim benefits - after all thats what we've payed tax for all these years - I'll be damned if I'm not going to claim some when my backs up against the wall (and I have when things have gone awry) - call it compulsory insurance.

I understand that it must be incredibly frustrating and heart breaking to find yourself in this situation, especially as you are obviously a dedicated and hardworking kinda person - life kicks us all the backside sometimes but dont let it finish you, - as someone else suggested your gonna have to treat it like a project - look at all possible solutions and then produce a strategy.

If you can post a more detailed budget it will give people a better idea of whether it would be possible or the best solution for you to declare bankcrupty (sorry about the appaling spelling - brain is sludge today!) or if not, what the best strategy is for repayments - re-organising loan, negotiating with debtors.

Finally, you might have to take a step back and revise your understanding of the debt line and CAB facilities etc - they may earn less than you but that doesnt mean they dont have reams more experience and knowledge of the practicalities of debt repayment. The real golden nugget is the fact that they are totally non-judgemental, and non-profit making, making them infinately more valuable than the most highly payed financial advisor in my opinion!

good luck!

mountainofdebt

Kath

The others have got there before me. If you are entitled to some help then for GAWD's SAKE CLAIM IT!!!

I would also check out what benefits your mum is entitled to as well.

This might make all the difference in the world to you and your family.

youngandreckless

Hi Kath,

I wanted to ask you whether you have confided in any friends or family with what you are going through? You seem to be coping with an awful lot at the moment and if you have anyone to confide in outside of this board it may make things easier.
Don't worry about pride now, you have every reason to feel very proud of yourself, there are alot of people that wouldn't have done half as much for their family as you have.
Before you burn out, you need to get as much help as possible and whatever the outcome (bankruptcy being one option), remember there is alot of support out there and on this board for you and it won't always be this tough.
Good luck and keep posting
Y&R x

empfun

Hi kath20, you appear to take great pride in your past work and have the experience to undertake any task. Seeing that getting the right salary right now seems to be an obstacle for you right now, you might want to consider starting your own business in your discipline. No doubt it is a giant leap but would provide your with the ultimate satisfaction. But first thing's first, you've got to take the best action right now to eliminate your debts by following through with the advice posted by the experts.

To quote from a parable of the cow in the ditch that was told to Anne Mulcahy CEO of Xerox. "When everything gets really complicated and you feel overwhelmed,"..."think about it this way: You gotta do three things, First, get the cow out of the ditch. Second, find out how the cow got into the ditch. Third make sure you do whatever it takes so the cow doesn't go into the ditch again".

crutches

kath my husband was too proud to rely on benefitsand we ended up with an eviction order!
with the responsibilities that you have you have an OBLIGATION to explore every avenue to support them.
your mother isentitled to benefits in her own right and you are employing someone to care for her.if you feel bad about this for yourself then explore that angle?
if you carry on like this you will become to ill to work.
good luck.