Missy’s family of 4, paying off debts, saving for a house and just trying to survive!

jwil

well done on the productive shop.  Sorry to hear about OH, it's so difficult at the moment.  I agree about the counselling, or are there any online forums of people in similar situations he can talk to and bounce off ideas, get support?

missymoo81

He’s a very private person, so struggles fo open up. He has a friend in the same business I’m hoping he’ll speak to. We walked to the shop past his brothers house and he didn’t want to go and see him either. 

Also on the walk OH noticed that is eyesight had deteriorated slightly , I can’t remember if I said he had another eye op 2 weeks ago. Now his vision seems to have worsened, so now we’re a bit worried something is wrong. It has made his mood even worse. So I decided that we wouldn’t do the fire grate thing tonight as he’s obv not in the mood. So I had to try and placate the disappointed children, so ended up spending £7 odd on pizza for them and OH, I was not going to spend another £3.50 on a pizza for me so I’m going to have some left overs from the fridge instead. Not an ideal situation but better than it could have been and would have been in the past. I was also very much wanting to buy some wine as felt like I needed it. But I wouldn’t part with the cash. I have lots of gin and some port and beer if I’m desperate! 

Have done my work in prep for tomorrow and have sorted out mine and the children’s clothes for tomorrow too. Also I’ve put the washing away. Just watching tv with the children then it’s bath/shower time for them. 

 

WelshKitty85

Sending hugs missy. My DH suffers with his mental health and has days where he is just so negative and nothing will bring him out of it. One thing I notice from your posts is that you always put other people first. I know this is often inevitable as a mum, but remember to look after yourself too x

Cheery_Daff

Hugs from me too Missy. We have a very similar ongoing situation in this house... I have generally dealt with it quite badly, by tip toeing round the grumpiness, trying to take all the problems away. I've been having counselling this year which has helped me see that I'm only making things worse in the long run by doing that, especially as I get resentful about it. Still don't always get it right, but I do now know that I need to not completely squash my own needs in favour of someone else's - it won't make them happy anyway. 

So don't let it *always* be you who doesn't get the treats xxx

missymoo81

Thank you so much @WelshKitty85 and @Cheery_Daff I really appreciate your kind words. Although sad, it really helps to know that other people have similar struggles. I do exactly what you’ve said Cheery and try and make everything better. But I can’t always. He spends a lot of time in bed and I have a lot of time to myself and with the children so I don’t feel like I’m putting myself out all of the time. 

I was proud of myself yesterday. He wouldn’t see any reason and it ended up turning into a competition as to who had it worse, so I went to bed. I never do that’d I stand and argue and cry. But I just couldn’t do it, I’m so tired, and I didn’t want the sleepless night that comes with it and the grumpiness the next day. He came to bed late after playing on his XBox. But did kiss me goodnight as usual. So we’ll see how he is later. Although hVe since had another member cancellation on email which is £70 odd a month down which won’t help his immediate mood. I’m going to try and get him out for a walk and a coffee. I don’t fancy going training today. 

I have to drop the children at school. They absolutely don’t stop arguing at the moment and they’re doing my head in. Then I’m rushing home for 2 hours of work, which I really can’t be bothered with. Then I need to write 2 workouts for tomorrow and put some stew in the slow cooker. 

I went to bed early last night, but feel exhausted today! Had enough already today.

charlies_tribe

I'm just trying to catch up in diaries. I'm so sorry things are still so tough at the moment. 
When does OH have another check up? Hopefully they can give you some better news then.
Glad school has allowed the children in for a few days. I've found it soo much harder this time with the live lessons. At least last time I could tell them to move on to the next task until I could help. 
I hope the rest of the day has been a bit better for you. 

missymoo81

I’m struggling today. I tried to take some time out yesterday. oH was being a complete !!!!!! and didn’t apologise for his behaviour (after he spoke to me badly) we ended up in a huge row in the evening after I tip toed around avoiding him all day. I properly lost my !!!!!!. Basically this business is failing he doesn’t know what to do. But he’s not one to talk about things he shouts and talks badly and doesn’t say what he means. So he said he just wants to be left alone.  But I said I need some support and cuddles to know I’m ok too, It’s my income the business supports too. 

I’ve done a class this morning which ran on a lot, I let OH take his classes instead of helping today. 

Not sure how to deal with the rest of the day. Staying out of OHs way I guess.

Kakiste

That sucks. In bad weeks I spend a lot of time tip-toeing around my husband as well, then frequently he'll start arguments about how i'm doing that- but if I don't it inevitably starts an argument. I don't have any suggestions because it's my reality too, but I do know how rubbish it is to live in that situation. Sorry you're having to deal with it. 

It's really stressful about the business but taking it out on you won't fix the problem and will just erode the support you give him as eventually you just won't care. X

jwil

Hugs from me.  Just vent away on here if need be.  Well done for standing your ground though x

missymoo81

Thanks @Kakiste , I’m sorry you’re dealing with this sort of thing too. It’s so hard isn’t it. You end up feeling like you’re in the wrong all of the time. And lovely to see you @charlies_tribe thanks for the support, OH has an appointment on Thursday so hopefully they’ll be able to shed some light on what’s going on. 

I have placated myself by going through recipes and seeing what I can do to make meal times nicer. I was just about to sign up to One of the meal boxes again as my friend gave me a voucher but even though it’s 50% off I’m loath to part with the £25. It’s not bad it’s for 4 meals for 4. But I’ve just found the recipes for it online and I have most of the ingredients for the recipes anyway. So might just save my money! 

Ah wrote this earlier but didn’t post 🤦🏻‍♀️. My day has been ok. I left OH to himself all day and he came down at 2pm and we went and got coffee and then got the children then we went to Tesco as I forgot we needed cat food. Of course I picked up a load of other things whilst we were there. And spent £15. God I hate Tesco. It’s always really hot in there and the self service tils always stop working at least twice whilst I’m trying to use them. I bought vegetable suet, richtea as Sainsburys ones are twice the price, bananas as Sainsburys didn’t have any at the weekend. Cereal as it’s cheapest in Tesco, gravy for the same reason, tuna, because the sodding cat won’t eat anything at the moment and is really tiny. And normal cat food for the other cat. Do need to try and get a hold of my shopping but I did need all of the above. I think I will try and do a once a month shop at Tesco for the above, and then just to go Sainsburys on a Sunday for normal weekly stuff. 

I hope you’re all ok.