Missy’s family of 4, paying off debts, saving for a house and just trying to survive!

Cheery_Daff

Aw Missy, first off have a hug (((((((((((((((())))))))))))) NOT an easy thing to deal with. 

Then have a read of the govt link posted above, and this from the Citizens Advice

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/children-and-young-people/child-maintenance/child-maintenance-2012-scheme/child-maintenance-administration/child-maintenance-what-to-do-if-you-re-owed-maintenance/

Looks like you have a family arrangement at the minute, but if that breaks down (because he is refusing to pay) then you can set up something more formal and it will be taken automatically. This should NOT fall all on you, so please don't feel like it should. As Purple Fairy said above, it's well worth spending time on this now to sort it out, so please don't just think 'oh it's too hard, I'll just let him get away with paying nothing'. Go through the official channels if he's being an @rse (which it sounds like he is).

Keep posting. Glad you have someone to help you sort through things. We'll all be here to cheer you on too. As for posting about OH - you keep posting whatever you like. This is a good anonymous place to let off steam sometimes (I've found myself sometimes in the past though, people only know about what you post about, so sometimes they get a skewed picture of your OH and start giving you advice accordingly - people mostly mean well and obviously nobody can see inside your relationship!) xx

You go and enjoy your holiday in your new leggings - you deserve it xx

PurpleFairy26

Missy, post whatever you want on here. It’s your diary after all. Please don’t take any of our comments as criticism, we are just trying to perhaps show things from a different point of view that you might not see as you are in the situation. 

As cherry said, have a great holiday in your new leggings. That has to be the priority for the coming week to focus on just having a good time and spending time away from work as a family. I think you’ll be surprised how amazing a change of scenery is after being in lockdown. It does wonders for all sorts of things.

Moneywhizz

You should definitely keep posting if it helps you unload things. As purple fairy says most people only wantt to help and not criticise you in any way. You do a great job of juggling everything and it sometimes seems like you do most of it without support, but hings often seem different when they are written down from what they are in real life. Only you really know if you are happy with the way things are at the moment. I hope you get things worked out with your ex so that you don't have to take on any extra work. Have a lovely holiday. 

missymoo81

Thank you again everyone.
Despite my situation I’ve had a lovely chilled day and am still in my pyjamas! Mostly because it’s shorts and vest top and it’s just too hot. 

Although chilled I have been very productive, despite drinking copious cups of tea, the third load of washing is almost done, I’ve stain treated a load of clothes that would other wise have been binned, expensive gym clothes so I’m hoping it’s worked! I have stew cooking in the slow cooker. Think I may have made a little too much as it’s to the very top of the slow cooker but hey ho! Maybe I could put a portion in the freezer.

I’ve sat and worked out money, I haven’t finished yet but with a bit of tweaking I should be able to cover bills ongoing, but it’s very tight. I’m going to make some phone calls re ex and the situation tomorrow and need to do some work tomorrow to drum up business.

We go on holiday next Saturday so need to prep and pack for that. Have been through the bank account and should be able to put some money to emergency fund this month which will help things Going forward.

Am going to send the leggings back and use the money to buy the children’s coats. I’m happy with that.

Gosh the stew smells good.... not quite dinner time yet though and I need to make the dumplings. I’ve been looking at my food shopping and at recipes and I think I’m going to ask for jack monroes cooking on a bootstrap book for my birthday.

Been thinking of ways to try and bring bills down more. I think I can get the shopping down to £50 for ten days worth. I’m going to not use fabric conditioner despite desperately wanting to and I’m going to continue to cut Roo and May’s hair. Still haven’t dyed mine! Will wash it tonight and put it up so it’s straighter and get OH to do it tomororw, must do it as it looks awful!

missymoo81

Have just realised, I’m able to claim the second self employment grants as I was still out of work on the 14th July  for weeks. I can apply tomorrow so hoping that will help. Will be around £800 at a guess so not masses but a great amount to put in the emergency fund. I’m pretty sure the car is due an MOT in September and it’s 6 years old and I think it needs new tyres so I’m going to have to pay out for that. It’s also Roo’s Birthday in November so need to try and start saving for that. Going to go back to shopping at lidl, Tesco has been great in lockdown but charging £1.50+ for click and collect and some things are definitely cheaper in Lidl’s despite Tesco’s also price match on a lot of things. And I’ve just signed up to their app so I get £5 a shop soon! So all good!

MagicCat

Glad you managed a bit of down time! 
It's such a difficult situation with your ex. Only you really know the situation and how he's likely to react, but from the outside you don't seem to lose anything by going via the CMS. A friend of mine has ended up doing that, it has been stressful but at least she's now getting maintenance paid, her ex is still working though so I know it's a bit different if your ex is made redundant. She had a lot of info/support from gingerbread the charity for single parents - I know you're not single but might be worth a look if they can help.

missymoo81

Just putting the finishing touches into the packing for our week away next week. Packing seems to be taking forever though! OH ended up working all morning so just trying to get him to sort the camping stuff out. 

Have had a good week. Ex still hasn’t paid maintenance but I have been very proactive and have secured some more work. I should be getting an extra £75 a week and OH is going to pay for 2 of my work subscriptions so regardless of if ex gets made redundant I can cope! And 2 of the sessions I’m doing per week are zoom so I don’t even need to leave my house! 

Other things I’ve done, me and OH finally managed to build up the courage to dye my hair, and it’s not perfect but looks a million times better and will be so much easier next time as long as I don’t leave it so long. So a huge saving of £60 there! One of the lovely mums at the gym has said she’s going to bring me in all of her daughters hand me down clothes! I love hand me downs and am a little excited about it! My other friend gave me some shirts a onesie and a hoodie for Too the other week too which is awesome too. 

OH’s birthday next week and I have picked things within budget to get him. I’ve gone over by £20 on the food budget but it’s holiday food and far cheaper than eating out. I’m taking books and my knitting, I can’t really knit so hoping to find a pattern and follow it online. May wants me to knit her some socks! 

I know I have way more to update but can’t think right now and we’re just packing the car! Speak soon

jwil

Great news on the extra work.

Have a lovely time away x

missymoo81

Thanks so much JWil. 

Have just order OH’s birthday presents hopefully they can get delivered here in deepest darkest (beautiful) Wales! 

Don’t feel quite relaxed yet actually feel quite stressed and not sure why. Think it’s because it’s OH’s birthday and I want to make it special for him and am worried it won’t be. I have bought the ingredients with me to make Victoria sponge cake and I’ve bought a lone candle to light 😁 not sure he’d want 41 on there! 

I have just put my claim in for my second grant as my business was adversely affected by Covid on and after 14th July. So that comes on at £878, if only budgeted for £800 so the extra can go on the overspends from the last few days. I bought some walking boots for £60 on eBay as didn’t have any and they should have been £160. Justified it in my head that I’ll get £30 birthday money from my dad but obv need to find the Other half. Have also left the eggs and bacon in the fridge at Home so going to have to buy those! Have bought my notepad with me so will do some money shuffling and workings out, think I might need to pull the shopping budget in next month. I still need to get the smalls coats etc. But need to send those leggings back first! 

Anyway going to finish my cuppa and read my book and hope that OH wakes up soon, am bored on my own! 

Bluegreen143

Just been catching up on your diary. Sorry you feel a bit stressed on holiday - you do have a lot going on right now so I can imagine it’s hard to switch off. I hope you have a really lovely time and your OH enjoys his birthday. M

So sorry to hear your ex is continuing to be an !!!!!! about money. It’s awful that he doesn’t seem that bothered about supporting his children.