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Bombshell from OH
19 replies 4.6K views
*Trigger warning - sexual assault*
I'm writing here cos I can't talk to anyone in real life, my OH has binge drinking issues and goes out and I never know when he's coming home, we've had many arguments and discussions about this and I had enough about November last year and basically blanked him for a few months and tried to stopped letting it affect me.
In January he stopped drinkng of his own accord and things got better between us. But the drinking and going out all night started again in February. Since the lockdown he's not been sleeping at night and has been up all night and sleeping most of the day and drinking at night in the living room, there's been friction between us.
He's been going out a few times recently and reverting back to the old ways of coming home early hours. We spoke about his binge drinking and he said he needs help, we watched some youtube videos on alcoholism together. We had a couple of good days at home and he was acting loving to me and we were getting on. Then yesterday he went out in the day to get some shopping and by midnight he hadn't come home and I was upset and was texting him telling him he's a drunk liar and can't be trusted.
He came home an hour later and I was really riled and we argued for an hour and were making plans for our divorce, he tells me I'm crazy and he drinks because of me, I'm telling him ok then when we're not together he can get his act together. I showed him the MSE post I wrote last year listing all the problems and nothing has changed.
Then he tells me that age 16 (he's early 30s now) something awful happened to him (*trigger warning*), involving beating, sexual assault against him and he was locked up for 3 days without food and he says the drinking stems from this, he has anxiety, flashbacks, nightmares, sweats at night and drinks to deal with the thoughts of the incident and he says he was beaten around the head and was unconscious and thinks he had brain damage from that. He says he has suicidal thoughts sometimes.
So I'm in shock about this and don't know what to do. Only had 2 hrs sleep last night. Just need to get it out. If any thoughts or advice please let me know, thanks...