Living in Probate House, brother being threatening.

BrassicWoman

If you haven’t managed to evict him in nine years, you’re probably not going to get organised enough to do it now. This will rumble on until he dies from one of his vices. You have just created a huge change in his life, routines, sense of space and autonomy and you seem unable to realise this is not a thing he welcomes!

if you want to feel safe, rent somewhere else. I think you’re being selfish landing into him from nowhere simply because your life is going wonky. The time to fix this was 2011. 

Get a lawyer; but all of the administrators, not you. And stop spending out of the estates accounts. Get it sorted properly!

getmore4less

Beginning to look like one of the motivations to not sorting out the estate is to control his money.
Letting the council tax get to a charging order after 4 years, the billing should have been checked as part of the administration much sooner.

gwynlas

There are a number of conflicting issues here that you and siblings need to deal with.
Your marital status and financial settlement with husband, he might be entitled to part of your inheritance.
Family decision on what is to happen to home, whether to sell or keep and who might pay for improvements?
It sounds as though house is bigger than either you or your brother needs but correctly you are equally entitled to live there at present.
If he threatens you then you can call police who will probably determine it equattes with domestic violence and ask him to stay elsewhere in order not to exacerbate the situation. Or you are equally entitled to move back to your marital home on a tempoary basis.
If you feel threatened in both places then you might seek assistance from Womens Aid.

Meyor

BrassicWoman said:

If you haven’t managed to evict him in nine years, you’re probably not going to get organised enough to do it now. This will rumble on until he dies from one of his vices. You have just created a huge change in his life, routines, sense of space and autonomy and you seem unable to realise this is not a thing he welcomes!

if you want to feel safe, rent somewhere else. I think you’re being selfish landing into him from nowhere simply because your life is going wonky. The time to fix this was 2011. 

Get a lawyer; but all of the administrators, not you. And stop spending out of the estates accounts. Get it sorted properly!

I don't think I am being selfish at all. If anything I have been kind...paying bills and sometimes doing food shopping for him because all of his money goes on drugs and alcohol. This has always been a family house not a bachelor pad to entertain all the druggies in the neighbourhood. Plus my life is not going wonky...having marital issues is not the be all and end all.

I have not had any impact to his life at all. He still has his girlfriend even though we are in lockdown. As mentioned it is a large house and they mostly stay in his room..I stay in mother's old room. Also he is hardly ever here..goes out to wherever in the mornings and comes back high around midnight. There has been no changes to his life despite my being here as I do not get involved in his at all.

In 2011, we had a massive court case which rumbled on for years and only concluded last year..this was the main reason why the estate was not dealt with back then. It will be dealt with now.

Meyor

getmore4less said:

Beginning to look like one of the motivations to not sorting out the estate is to control his money.
Letting the council tax get to a charging order after 4 years, the billing should have been checked as part of the administration much sooner.

hmmm..what money are you speaking off? How does one control money that one doesn't have??
The estate was not sorted out as there were other issues at play which needed to be dealt with..ie. a long winding court case.
Myself and my siblings are all gainfully employed in professional careers and own our own properties. In fact I own two. There are no plans to control anyone's money. In fact we were more than happy to leave my brother in the property but his current behaviour has forced our hands.
My plan was to initially rent out a room elsewhere but I decided that rather  than give that money to another landlord, the money would be better spent repairing the family home which my brother has allowed to fall into disrepair. This after all, is part of my inheritance as well. 
The council tax bill was an oversight by my brother as he was living at the property and should have made sure that it was paid.  We helped him out by clearing the bill but he has still allowed it to pile up again.

Mojisola

Meyor said:

This has always been a family house not a bachelor pad to entertain all the druggies in the neighbourhood.

For the last nine years, that's exactly what it's been.

Meyor

gwynlas said:

There are a number of conflicting issues here that you and siblings need to deal with.
Your marital status and financial settlement with husband, he might be entitled to part of your inheritance.
Family decision on what is to happen to home, whether to sell or keep and who might pay for improvements?
It sounds as though house is bigger than either you or your brother needs but correctly you are equally entitled to live there at present.
If he threatens you then you can call police who will probably determine it equattes with domestic violence and ask him to stay elsewhere in order not to exacerbate the situation. Or you are equally entitled to move back to your marital home on a tempoary basis.
If you feel threatened in both places then you might seek assistance from Womens Aid.

Thanks
My marriage is not really an issue here. I just mentioned it to explain why I had come back to the family home.
The family has already said they want to sell. It was left as explained earlier to help my brother. I have taken on the responsibility to pay for repairs.

I don't want to resort to calling the police, but if it comes to that I will. I wanted to go via an injunction first but if that is doesn't work and I have to call the police and they determine that I have to leave since it is not my regular home then so be it. As mentioned I am financially stable enough to rent elsewhere...However should it come to that I have already explained to my brother that he is the one that will lose out as I will exercise my rights and side with the other siblings who are eager to sell to get my share of the house which will trigger a sale leaving him homeless with a load of cash which is will probably blow through within months on drugs. I still care about him as a sister and don't want it to come to that but his behaviour has been enabled for long enough.

Meyor

Mojisola said:

Meyor said:

This has always been a family house not a bachelor pad to entertain all the druggies in the neighbourhood.

For the last nine years, that's exactly what it's been.

Not really..it has gotten gradually worst over that time. Over the past nine years we have not been strangers to the property..we come here for family celebrations like Christmas, birthdays etc, we visit etc. In 2018 , I stayed for a couple of months as well while a repair was carried out.

BrassicWoman

Meyor said:

I have not had any impact to his life at all. He still has his girlfriend even though we are in lockdown. As mentioned it is a large house and they mostly stay in his room..I stay in mother's old room. Also he is hardly ever here..goes out to wherever in the mornings and comes back high around midnight. There has been no changes to his life despite my being here as I do not get involved in his at all.

I live alone. It suits me. I've lived alone for years. I like the quiet.

If I were in the biggest mansion, me in one wing, and you in the other, your being there would irritate me. Especially if you had just rocked up, uninvited. Double especially if you spent your entire time disapproving of me. This isn't the case for you - you are sharing a bathroom! And a kitchen! Your concept of a "big house" is pretty weird if there's one kitchen and bathroom.  

Whether you - who is used to living with people - think you are being selfish or not; you are certainly being oblivious.

Move out, leave him in peace until you can sort the estate properly.

NinjaTune

"Your concept of a "big house" is pretty weird if there's one kitchen and bathroom."

I can see where you're coming from re: the bathroom, but is it normal for big houses to have more than one kitchen?