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It's time to begin.....
Comments
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No. I strongly believe he would insist that I give him all the money that was refunded to my account as payment towards 'what I owe him'
Also I'm not going to tell him when I'm debt free- randomly he asked me the other day how much I had left to repay- I said just shy of £9k (that was indeed true at the time) He then said "well once you're done paying that back you can put everything you're paying back currently to me every month to pay back what you owe me"
So I'll instead be keeping quiet about the vastly reduced/soon to be gone DMP and when I pay it off I'll start paying the same amount as my DMP into my savings account.
Bottom line;
£49k paid off
Car HP paid off
Debt Free!
Saved Escape fund and moved out.
Current focus; saving Emergency fund7 -
I've had a bit of a think about it across the day; I think I'm going to do some research when I'm back at work on Monday and possibly look at cancelling the stepchange appointment and see whether I can make F&F offers myself via email-(I'm not sure whether they have to be done via post. I think but I dont know that provided you get their response in writing where it's clearly from them then that would be fine legally. So need to research that)
I don't want letters coming to the house as he opens my post if it looks 'too official' so I can't have multiple companies sending me letters.Bottom line;
£49k paid off
Car HP paid off
Debt Free!
Saved Escape fund and moved out.
Current focus; saving Emergency fund1 -
That's amazing Kakiste. I really don't know where these last two years have gone (due to the pandemic) but you have certainly been productive through them. Well done, you done amazingly!!
We've always shared our funds, MrShores was the big spender, but the debts were ours and we got out of debt together. (Although in my head I was secretly saying that once we were out of debt that would be the end of it all). I have a friend whose OH seems to be a lot like yours, if she goes through a lean time with work he still makes her contribute 'her half', even though he has so much money he hardly has to work. I earn more than Mr Shores now and occasionally have a little bonus, its a bit of a secret, but I spend it on the family or save it for us anyway, so I'm not being sneaky really, its sort of my bonus for having to struggle so much when we were paying back his debts. And what the eye doesn't see .....
Not being in debt gives you choices and it has helped me feel in control of my life. Good luck, can't wait to read your 'debt-free' (and freedom) post."Think of many things, do one"
Mortgage 31Oct'25 est. £207,450 £309,749 2020 (current ends 2038 -aiming for 2031)
Seven Goals; 12.5lbs lost in 4 months (5.5lbs to go); walk/run/exercising/weights/yoga1 -
I wonder if you could get your post redirected? https://connectingchoices.co.uk/2020/05/04/royal-mail-services-for-victims-of-domestic-abuse-and-those-who-are-vulnerable/It sounds like you can get this done without the usual confirmation letters if needed.3
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So very pleased for you! Brilliant news!
Not sure what your savings account pays but guessing not much interest currently, I can highly recommend Premium Bonds as although no interest, there is a chance of winning prizes from £25per month upwards. It's easy to cash in, money back in your account within 3 days. You can also buy them in your daughters name not yours which could be useful for future.Current mortgage (1 Jun 2022): £289,501 - originally £351,999 got to love London sized mortgages!
OP Goal 2022 = 3.75% in OPs: £6,975 / £13,200
Emergency Fund Target: 3 months saved ✅
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Thanks. I am aware of premium bonds- used them to save up money to pay my dad back. I'm going to start saving in them again soon hopefully.🤞
Thanks for the link @stymied but I'm a bit hesitant; I knew someone who tried that whilst arranging to leave her husband and despite the fact that they assured her they wouldn't send one, a letter with the redirection information was sent to their shared address 'in error' I'd prefer it if I knew everything was just going through my email (which is an email address he's unaware of with a password he doesn't know)
Bottom line;
£49k paid off
Car HP paid off
Debt Free!
Saved Escape fund and moved out.
Current focus; saving Emergency fund5 -
stymied said:I wonder if you could get your post redirected? https://connectingchoices.co.uk/2020/05/04/royal-mail-services-for-victims-of-domestic-abuse-and-those-who-are-vulnerable/It sounds like you can get this done without the usual confirmation letters if needed.2
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A few things have slipped through my Mail redirection as well, if the companies can deal with you exclusively through email then that is much safer.I’m so happy you’ve got the refunds coming through and that you’ve got a good plan to stick to with building up your emergency fund and for the future. There is no way on earth that you “owe” your husband any money (and given that you’ve been juggling everything to keep your family afloat for years, it seems to me like you are the one who is “owed”!). I’ve mentioned before but my uncle has a very similar attitude to money as your husband, and I know that he would never be satisfied or think that things were even but would instead be thinking up even more elaborate reasons why he was owed more.
You’ve accomplished so much under really difficult circumstances, once you are free of the burden of the DMP and don’t have someone trying to control you financially, you will be able accomplish so much more and really savour being financially secure.I hope I haven’t said anything out of turn, I’m really rooting for you to enjoy the rewards of all your hard work and sacrifice.4 -
Hi I've been following for ages. I'm so happy for you. Before paying anything I would seriously consider using this money as your escape fund and not paying it off your debts. Can you set yourself up with your daughter and keep some for an emergency fund and just keep paying the DMP as it currently is. I just think this is just the opportunity you have been waiting for and once the money is paid out your choices are much more limited. Good luck with whatever you decide x2
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That is a really good idea too1
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