It's time to begin.....

Humdinger1

You're doing brilliantly @Kakiste.  Someone has to be the grown-up in the room and it's deffo not going to be him! Onwards and upwards love Humdinger xx 

Kakiste

We're away with my inlaws for the whole weekend on the 18th/19th so if the cottage is ready by the end of my half term week  which is the week following that (20th-24th) I'll tell him then- so it may in fact be just less than 20 days but we'll see. After waiting for so long I'm happy to ride it out for the last few weeks. 

Either way I'm going to use at least 2 days of my half term to shift stuff back and forth (new neighbour has said that she's also fine with me storing stuff in the house basement short term so I can get it out my house quietly.) 

(For ease of reference from now on, I'm going to refer to the 3 bedroom house as 'the house' and the 2 bedroom one as 'the cottage' (because it actually is. It's also a named property, not just a number which is very cute. So it's "(Some type of tree) cottage." 

I've used the proforma rental contract from the government's website and knocked together a rental contract with my work friend end of last week. We've written into the contract about the cats, that I'm allowed to paint, hang shelves and generally treat the house as my own and that either party would give the other one 3 months notice before we serve notice- I'll only be giving notice after a few years once I've had chance to breath, clear my head, take daughter on a foreign holiday and then saved up a deposit to buy a house. She intends to keep the houses as her pension and her kid's eventual inheritance so it's super unlikely to come up the other way. 
 

Humdinger1

Good idea @Kakiste to have people around when you tell him I think. You know the situation better than anyone; are you at all concerned about his possible reaction? Will you have to share a room once you have broken the glad tidings? I hope I'm not catastrophising but think the ideal would be to tell him - with others around- and then be ready to scoop up DD and leave there and then.  Humdinger xx

satchmo1

I agree with Humdinger's suggestion.

I wonder if you could suggest to your in-laws that your OH stays with them for at least a day so that he has someone to keep an eye on him. That would also free up the car so that you don't have to drive back with him ranting or sulking or telling your DD how awful her mummy is (you aren't). He has demonstrated that he doesn't hold back even if she is in ear-shot. 

greensalad

Kakiste said:

We're away with my inlaws for the whole weekend on the 18th/19th so if the cottage is ready by the end of my half term week  which is the week following that (20th-24th) I'll tell him then- so it may in fact be just less than 20 days but we'll see. After waiting for so long I'm happy to ride it out for the last few weeks. 

Either way I'm going to use at least 2 days of my half term to shift stuff back and forth (new neighbour has said that she's also fine with me storing stuff in the house basement short term so I can get it out my house quietly.) 

(For ease of reference from now on, I'm going to refer to the 3 bedroom house as 'the house' and the 2 bedroom one as 'the cottage' (because it actually is. It's also a named property, not just a number which is very cute. So it's "(Some type of tree) cottage." 

I've used the proforma rental contract from the government's website and knocked together a rental contract with my work friend end of last week. We've written into the contract about the cats, that I'm allowed to paint, hang shelves and generally treat the house as my own and that either party would give the other one 3 months notice before we serve notice- I'll only be giving notice after a few years once I've had chance to breath, clear my head, take daughter on a foreign holiday and then saved up a deposit to buy a house. She intends to keep the houses as her pension and her kid's eventual inheritance so it's super unlikely to come up the other way. 
 

If you're going to be away at the time, could you use it as an opportunity to move anything out? Enlist some friends to pop into the house and remove some stuff for you to the new place. Perhaps even never have to go back to the old house after your trip?

Kakiste

good ideas all but moving out from the weekend away on the 19th wouldn't work. (I think the way I worded it was unclear- what I meant was 'The week following our weekend away is when the house is meant to be finished and the cottage should be ready to move into towards the end of that week" The cottage wouldn't be ready on the 20th and I am absolutely not telling him that I'm leaving and then hanging around in my current house for a number of days. 

I certainly wouldn't tell him before a long drive together- that'd be awful, nowhere to go. My plan is to wait until I have the keys to the cottage, get my daughter's new room sorted and have the bare bones of the rest of the house in place, take Daughter to my friend's house and then tell him whilst she's out the house, then leave, pick up my daughter and head to the cottage (then tell friends round the corner what's happened and ask them to check in on him) 

satchmo1

Thanks for the clarification, it sounds like a safe plan. 

Sarahwithlove

I'm glad you aren't going to be hanging around after telling him it's last thing you want. Especially as I think he will be very surprised. 

Kakiste

I think so too @Sarahwithlove He has gone back to frequently threatening me with divorce over the last couple of months whereas I've actually never said that. (It's my general view that you should only lay out threats if you intend to follow them through.) So I think he'll genuinely be taken aback. 

badmemory

I will reiterate what I said before & you also seem to accept.  Controllers are at their worst when they realise that they are losing control.  I hope you will be able to come on here & tell us what is going on (will you have access to MSE immediately in your new place?) because we will worry.  My interesting experience was almost 50 years ago & I still remember the car heading for me down the pavement.  This is not said to alarm you it is said to warn you to be alert.  It is quite possible that all he wants is for YOU to move out & that will be that, I do hope so.  He will expect you to be too scared to be on your own.  Well we all know that isn't the case.  Just think of the fun you could have with the pre-divorce letters though.