SLLM (Single Lady Large Mortgage)

Queen_of_the_Hive

@Sistergold - thanks for your message earlier and well done for getting through it. I too have carried my own share of mum guilt and rightly or wrongly I undercut myself in the divorce settlement and regret it in some ways but I wanted my kids to have stability. Their dad bought me out of the house we owned and I have slowly fought to get some financial stability. Each month it does get a bit more easier in small ways. I've equally tried to be a bolder with investments and trying somethings out such as becoming a landlord, putting more into stock market etc. 

While the kids are ok I'll just keep plodding along. 

badmemory

Our children when they get to a certain age begin to "see".  They realise the changes that have happened & the often unacceptable compromises that we have made during a marriage.  Hopefully it helps them see who is going to make them happy & who they will make happy in return.  We can but hope.

savingholmes

My cleaner said her parents got divorced when she was younger. It took her ten years to understand why... Other parents with young adult kids tell me similar stories

Sistergold

@Queen_of_the_Hive, that’s good that you are investing in other areas. Having rental property(ies) is as good as having your own house for you can always stay in one of those if you need to. So you are really doing well. As a single yes we become bolder by the day for it continues to sink in that infact we can do as we please! 💪🏾

@badmemory, you are so right as they get older they can see through their parents and begin to know who is who and make their own informed decisions. They realise life is not as easy and they realise how hard it must have been for us to be on this single parent journey. No one gets married planing to divorce.

@savingholmes, yes children do take time to understand why we have had to divorce. Also for a while they might even be in denial and think that there will be a reconciliation. Last year I had to tell my youngest two that “look I will never ever get back with their father even if the heavens have to fall”. Imagine moving forward with a place to live and some peace in my life they still held on to the fact that I still need to remarry their father. I even had to ask them that so he will divorce the woman he married and then still come back to marry me? I asked them that is my situation so desperate that I will allow my ex to be coming back to me? Ridiculous minds these children have sometimes I tell you! Xx

For me divorce is for good and
 being single is a life I am actually enjoying ridiculous as it might sound to others! 

Sistergold

Financial goals
I woke up this morning and was thinking about money, 👀. It just dawned on me that I only have November and December paydays to look forward to! So I was just wondering what I should perhaps aim to save in these last two months? I am hoping I can save £3k each month. So £6k to save by end of December. It’s not looking too good as I suffer from wastefulness from time to time. December is a crazy month for me in general but I have been improving each year. This Christmas the children are with me, yey 🥰😍 so at least I will not have a “Christmas alone”, it means I will spend a lot though. I did put some money into a Christmas pot so let’s see and hope that will cover all expenses including presents! 

So fingers crossed the building fund will be around £76k by end of year. Xx

savingholmes

Kids are funny sometimes.

Glad you have them this Xmas.

Great goals. Mine is to complete on the mortgage and divorce and make first payment of 264.

Sistergold

Good morning @savingholmes, those are 3 very important life changing goals you have there. It will be the start of your new life! It does get exciting as you go deeper into the journey! Daunting at start but there is nothing more certain in life than change. 

Queen_of_the_Hive

Morning all, 

I have many goals but for now I am focusing on sticking to my recently revised budget which would mean I save a little bit from my salary but more important would also save the money I get from renting out my property in full. It does however mean less money for living on so we will see how it goes. New budget would start mid Nov as I do all my accounts starting 13th of the month. 

Sistergold

@Queen_of_the_Hive, now to save all the rent plus some from salary, that’s a massive goal for sure! Savings will start “piling up”! 

savingholmes

Thanks @Sistergold finance consent order got approved - so a couple of forms for me and DD to fill in and submit to the conveyancer and then we're on track for the 19/11 so relieved!!