Diary of a reformed shopaholic (I hope)

GeorgianaCavendish

Have you had a recent valuation for your jewellery? (I need to take my engagement ring to the jewellers for an updated valuation soon as it’s a condition of the insurance policy that it is valued every 5 years)

I also don’t think you should sell your jewellery and definitely don’t even consider it until you and OH have full LBMs. It would be awful to sacrifice something so important and sentimental to pay off a chunk of debt and then see the cards used again. 

enthusiasticsaver

shoppingobsessed2020 said:

He does know the full extent but whether he’s taken it all in or not I can’t say.  He gets an email from me every month with balance updates and what I’ve paid off so can see things reducing. Some he has read others have been ignored so I think he’s sticking his head in the sand and letting me just work my magic.

i will sell my rings if I have to but I hope that’s it the kick that his lordship needs to get his lightbulb moment.

Do you think that he is oblivious to it all as he is away so much and presumably it is you who deals with the day to day budgeting?He is on his ship or oil rig or whatever and not having to think about mundane things like bills or interest rates.

I seem to recall you saying his annual salary was £50k which is ok but not a huge salary and yet he is happy for the debt to be in the region of a whole years salary if you add the probably £3k + to the existing £45k? Incidentally  you have done a good job of bringing it down from £60k in 6 months. I just hope he does not undo all your good work when he gets back. 

alt80

@crunchy_time I think I made judgements I probably shouldn’t have based on little else than my own experiences and in anger, it was wrong of me. I don’t understand the wife managing the finances thing - always seems a bit of a trap but little trust in my relationship probably skewing the way I’ve interpreted it In the first place. I was wrong to jump to conclusions and appreciate others may have that trust.

shoppingobsessed2020

I know, I’m hoping that he thinks back to how much he saved to get the rings made and how much time and effort he put into designing the rings that I’m willing to sell them to pay debt should mean something,  I won’t sell them as we are managing but if it came to it I would as I’d rather a roof over our heads than moving in with my parents but it was a shock when my friend pointed out just how much I was wearing from my rings to my handbag, to my shoes to my phone. 

 She had me cost every single item I was wearing from my underwear upwards.  Which again was an embarrassing cost comparison as I don’t earn in a year what I walked out the house today wearing and carrying.  she gave me a pass on my boots as they are 10years old (can’t beat a doc marten for lasting) but she gave me absolute hell on a couple of specific items (why do I need 3 different lipsticks, a gloss and a balm in my bag, I only have one set of lips and can wear only one at a time)I highly recommend doing this as I as a result of this exercise have had to up my insurance as we are under insured following this eye opener of a coffee and catch up.

but no my rings won’t be going unless his lordship says yes in which case I’ll have to speak to my parents and ask them to buy them from me and keep them safe for monkey boy if he chooses to get married when he’s older.

i do have the luxury of my family and whilst they don’t know how screwed we are financially I think that has always been my back up, telling them that the yup thanks for the great start in life and love you for making sure I had no student debt, but can you give me 70k plus to pay off the cars and credit card please?  My dad would go nuclear on us and my mum would blame herself so it’s a last resort option for me despite the offer of help they’ve given over the years, the only one we ever accept is childcare help for monkey boy,

shoppingobsessed2020

enthusiasticsaver said:

shoppingobsessed2020 said:

He does know the full extent but whether he’s taken it all in or not I can’t say.  He gets an email from me every month with balance updates and what I’ve paid off so can see things reducing. Some he has read others have been ignored so I think he’s sticking his head in the sand and letting me just work my magic.

i will sell my rings if I have to but I hope that’s it the kick that his lordship needs to get his lightbulb moment.

Do you think that he is oblivious to it all as he is away so much and presumably it is you who deals with the day to day budgeting?He is on his ship or oil rig or whatever and not having to think about mundane things like bills or interest rates.

I seem to recall you saying his annual salary was £50k which is ok but not a huge salary and yet he is happy for the debt to be in the region of a whole years salary if you add the probably £3k + to the existing £45k? Incidentally  you have done a good job of bringing it down from £60k in 6 months. I just hope he does not undo all your good work when he gets back. 

He is oblivious to it all as the only thing he has to buy when away is smokes and cans of pop, when he comes home he doesn’t smoke as he begrudges the cost of a pack, yet on ship he knows it’s £20 for 200 so the cost is ok in his eyes.  On the other hand he thinks nothing of buying £5 on snacks in the local shops and bottles of gin or wine every day as they are consumables and smokes aren’t.

He’s been chasing this promotion for so long that he has it that well when I get promotion it’s an extra 1.5/2k a month so in a year or two everything will be paid off as the salary will be bigger and the bonuses will be bigger so it’s not to worry about,  then Covid hit and our dream house came on the market and I had my light bulb flicker and looked at the finances properly and gone wow, he only sees the mortgages and the loan costs, the rest is just random numbers I throw at him so  I don’t think he’s actually registered that we have practically a full years combined salary tied up in non mortgage debt.

we will get there, I’ll just need to keep plodding along and see where it goes and hopes his flicker happens sooner rather than later.

shoppingobsessed2020

GeorgianaCavendish said:

Have you had a recent valuation for your jewellery? (I need to take my engagement ring to the jewellers for an updated valuation soon as it’s a condition of the insurance policy that it is valued every 5 years)

I also don’t think you should sell your jewellery and definitely don’t even consider it until you and OH have full LBMs. It would be awful to sacrifice something so important and sentimental to pay off a chunk of debt and then see the cards used again. 

I had them valued 3 years ago but Its always just been a number where today it’s been put in real terms of what it could buy or actually pay off.

Chrystal

The problem with insurance valuation is that it's always much higher than you could actually sell the items for.
Hope you get some sense out of OH.  It sounds as though you may need a rubber mallet to get him to listen!  (((hugs)))

enthusiasticsaver

shoppingobsessed2020 said:

enthusiasticsaver said:

shoppingobsessed2020 said:

He does know the full extent but whether he’s taken it all in or not I can’t say.  He gets an email from me every month with balance updates and what I’ve paid off so can see things reducing. Some he has read others have been ignored so I think he’s sticking his head in the sand and letting me just work my magic.

i will sell my rings if I have to but I hope that’s it the kick that his lordship needs to get his lightbulb moment.

Do you think that he is oblivious to it all as he is away so much and presumably it is you who deals with the day to day budgeting?He is on his ship or oil rig or whatever and not having to think about mundane things like bills or interest rates.

I seem to recall you saying his annual salary was £50k which is ok but not a huge salary and yet he is happy for the debt to be in the region of a whole years salary if you add the probably £3k + to the existing £45k? Incidentally  you have done a good job of bringing it down from £60k in 6 months. I just hope he does not undo all your good work when he gets back. 

He is oblivious to it all as the only thing he has to buy when away is smokes and cans of pop, when he comes home he doesn’t smoke as he begrudges the cost of a pack, yet on ship he knows it’s £20 for 200 so the cost is ok in his eyes.  On the other hand he thinks nothing of buying £5 on snacks in the local shops and bottles of gin or wine every day as they are consumables and smokes aren’t.

He’s been chasing this promotion for so long that he has it that well when I get promotion it’s an extra 1.5/2k a month so in a year or two everything will be paid off as the salary will be bigger and the bonuses will be bigger so it’s not to worry about,  then Covid hit and our dream house came on the market and I had my light bulb flicker and looked at the finances properly and gone wow, he only sees the mortgages and the loan costs, the rest is just random numbers I throw at him so  I don’t think he’s actually registered that we have practically a full years combined salary tied up in non mortgage debt.

we will get there, I’ll just need to keep plodding along and see where it goes and hopes his flicker happens sooner rather than later.

It is always dangerous to anticipate promotions as he is doing as things don't always remain the same and the assumption that things will happen as predicted is not always the case. He could get sick or be unable to work and then you are saddled with debt and no likelihood of promotion. 

Sarahwithlove

Have you added up how much you are paying in interest each month? Maybe when he seems how much is wasted on nothing he might be more willing to accept the new way of doing things. It's really hard when you're both not wanting the same things. 

shoppingobsessed2020

I’m banging my head off a brick wall with him and I just have to accept that he’s not yet where I am.

in other news I threw my toys out the pram today at the garage.  My new to me only had 3 week car and the garage has for one of those weeks needs to go back in.  They are being awkward re picking it up and a courtesy car so I’ve emailed the guy I bought it from and nicely presented my issues and told him they are sorted or they take the car back and cancel the finance.  No good deal is worth driving a car that I feel unsafe in, and frankly despite me promising I wouldn’t change this car in for 3 years I don’t think I can trust it as the garage hasn’t checked it over properly.  My dads friend is going to send one of his guys to collect it on a tow truck tomorrow (that’s how unsafe i feel it is) and do me a report for the garage I bought it from (cost to me more home baking, Christmas cake has been requested this time)

 The dashboard was lit up like a Christmas tree and it’s really making me regret trading mine in as although it was starting to cost me money i didn’t feel it had any safety issues the way this does.  It’s that bad that I’m already looking at cars and going away from the brand I have bought my last 5 cars from.  Just shows that loyalty isn’t rewarded as 3 of those have been brand new.  I’ll have to drive his lordships car for the time being which I hate but needs must as I’m. It putting monkey boy in my car till I’m certain it’s safe.

Feel i should change my name to dramaqueen2020 the way things are going!