Diary of a reformed shopaholic (I hope)

Sarahwithlove

GeorgianaCavendish said:

So interesting about the POA @Sarahwithlove I hadn’t thought about it in those terms before but makes a lot of sense to sort it out when you explain it like that. I guess maybe some people are squeamish about doing them in the same way they don’t want to draw up a will. 

Totally they are both such important documents and not having them only causes issues for families. So if it's going to give everyone peace of mind it's worth doing. 

alt80

@enthusiasticsaver I trust her now wouldn't if I was away for months on end - not a situation I've ever been in tbf. Wouldn't trust her with my finances because I don't want to get a dodgy credit record and end up struggling to get finance deals in the future. 

The guy I'm talking about actually told me he would drive something like mine if his wife "let him". Same guy his wife doesn't really look after herself and isn't attractive (wasn't massive when they met but is now lol). I reckon she hoards the money to keep him from getting stuff and straying or incase he finds a fitter wife she has a load of money to do with what she likes and he'll be starting over in a rented flat albeit with a fit girl. This is not the first time I've had guys say they would if wife allowed and how many times do you see a performance used car for sale with "wife forces sale"? As I said, different rules for women.

shoppingobsessed2020

Wake up this morning and I’ve got emails from his lordship.  He’s gone ahead and registered his interest in the exam and prep course so I need to find £1300 for the course, £600 Acvomodation, £200 exam fee and food budget for him for 6 weeks.  It’s over a 3hr round trip so I’m ok with him staying away as that’s less stress for us both and more study time for him.  Can’t even see him at weekends as college have said no going home for 1st month!  

I feel sick as what I’ve just paid off debt a couple of days ago would have paid for all that  

the Prep course is the only one that needs paid when he confirms with work that he can have his full build up of leave.  At least in that case he does get paid whilst he’s off, but in my head as they were doing the leave buy back I was thinking bonus we can clear at least an extra months salary on debt but nope it’s not meant to be.

some juggling to be done, my blow it off month isn’t happening so I’ll be having a rejig and paying the minimums on cards this month and hopefully I’ll have a good £800/900 towards it and can use the joint account overdraft to pay the difference.  That’s interest and fee free for the first £500 so I have some breathing room.

enthusiasticsaver

How frustrating for you. At least you seem to have a plan of sorts though. Is this for Chief Mates course or the Captains ticket you wanted him to wait to do? At least if he is busy studying he can't be spending though. 

shoppingobsessed2020

This is the captains ticket, he already has his Chief mates ticket, just needs an internal course to get that promotion.  I just hope he passes first time round as I can’t be doing with the stress of all this again.

enthusiasticsaver

Why isn't he doing the internal course now then which could lead to promotion to Chief Mate quicker? I think I would be more upset that he has been away 7 months and on his leave has opted for 6 further weeks away from his wife and son. Even more annoyed that you are the one stressing over how to pay for it. Some men!! 

shoppingobsessed2020

@alt80 I’m just glad my husband isn’t as shallow as you are.  There’s a lot that my parents could have done for us over the years that his lordship has turned down because he wants to provide for us and not have handouts.  He’s executor on their will and knows I get nothing in the as it’s all in trust for monkey boy and my brothers.

Sarahwithlove

I'd be fuming if I was you. He's putting his own wants above your families needs. I think you need to make him realise how stressed being in debt is making you. He needs to take some responsibility for it himself and stop trying to add to it. 

shoppingobsessed2020

@enthusiasticsaver he will be doing that course as well when he is home, just needs to liaise with work and see where he is going to do it.

Aspiration

enthusiasticsaver said:

 @alt80 It sounds like you have more to worry about than your debt if you don't trust your wife.
I don't agree  with your comment about low earning wives abusing their husbands just because he is driving an old car. He might, like 95% of the population not be bothered about flashy expensive cars. Usually it is women who put their careers on hold to bring up children and in a marriage the money earned is usually joint. When I had our first child my husband and I earned the same and worked full time and my career would probably have paid more than his if I had remained working full time after children but with him not doing a 9-5 job and travelling a lot the bulk of childcare fell to me as did organising the finances as my husband hated doing it and wasn't very good at it. I always worked part time after having children though and went back full time when our daughters were older but by retirement my husband earned more than me but I earned a relatively good wage still. By the same token I had a large inheritance which was used for our whole family not just me. Just because some guy you know drives a battered car it is some stretch of the imagination to say his wife is hoarding her husbands money and financially abusive. She might be trying to pay off debt or saving for a bigger house or whatever. Not everyone is as bothered by cars as you. 

This posts reflects my thoughts exactly!! Very well put enthusiastic Saver!