Diary of a reformed shopaholic (I hope)

alt80

I’m not going to pretend I understand this lol. Presumably the long this is delayed the long he waits for the captain job so 3 years turns into 4 and turns in 5?

Sarahwithlove

I think you are doing the right thing. If he can't get to captain for 3 or 4 years why does he need to take it right now? It will still be there in a years time. All its going to do is add stress to you who is having to deal with all the debt which he is partially responsible for as well. I think this is where you need to put your foot down and say no more until a certain point. Maybe give him a date or a debt level you would feel OK with for him to then go for it so you both have something to aim for. 

Sarahwithlove

alt80 said:

I’m not going to pretend I understand this lol. Presumably the long this is delayed the long he waits for the captain job so 3 years turns into 4 and turns in 5?

That's not how I read it. I think it means he has to do 3 or 4 years as chief mate before he can become captain regardless of whether he takes exam now or in a year or two. As long as he has taken the exam by time the 4 years are up? 

GeorgianaCavendish

It’s such a tricky situation but I think you are right to stick to your guns on this as so much of the current debt was accrued from these courses. Even if the promotion resulting from the next courses does lead to an increase in salary, it doesn’t sound like your OH is on quite the same page as you about prioritising paying off the debt first and foremost. Especially as his current solution is to spend on the credit card you’ve worked so hard to clear. 

Is there a danger that with a higher salary he’ll feel that he “should” be able to afford XYZ and so will want to get those things even if it means more debt? An additional danger is there with a higher income he would qualify for higher credit limits and more lending that would ultimately be unsustainable. I think it’s better for you two to discuss it and get on the same page about debt repayments first, and then find a compromise on timelines to do the courses.

I do sympathise with your partner because I’ve been in a very similar situation, it took a long time for me to realise that the solution to my financial issues wasn’t as easy as “make more money” - I had to address all the spending issues too. 

GeorgianaCavendish

Have you got online log in details for the cards with high credit unused credit limits? Can you lower them online? 

I was reading the MSE mortgage guide a short while ago and it said that mortgage lenders do not like to see large amounts of unused credit on cards. 

alt80

Sorry but these are her husbands cards - she shouldn’t be messing with limits. 

shoppingobsessed2020

Thanks, @Sarahwithlove hit the nail on the head.  Until he has had 3/4 years of being second in command (chief mate) he won’t be promoted to captain, so it makes no difference when he does his captains exam as the company won’t promote him to captain till he has some decent experience behind him.  

he isn’t very materialistic so I don’t think there is any danger of a huge spree when he gets that extra money. He does spend on food and booze and the odd Xbox game so once the debt is paid I’m confident we will be on track.  

Part of the problem is, I do all the finances so he doesn’t see the end balance, he just sees x cash in his account and spends it as we do have a separate bill account so even prior to this diary I moved bill money to a separate account so he thought bonus ive got x to spend and never thought to the credit card balance and minimum payments, which if I’m honest I haven’t either hence ending up in this mess.

shoppingobsessed2020

@alt80 I do have his financial power of attorney and as long as I’m acting as if I were him and in his best interests I can do.  I’ve been given he go ahead to close an empty card but I need to go into the bank to do that, he’s agreed the Barclays can go when it’s paid off but wants to keep the mbna card with it’s stupidly high limit and his every day Lloyds card,

alt80

Sounds like you’re trying to control him tbh. So many women who “look after” finances seem to do this - have had a couple of staff over the years their wives give them ‘pocket money’ and no access to household finances. Working hard and nothing for themselves “can’t be trusted” by the wife.  

No idea why a man of sound enough mind to work requires you to have POA.  Appreciate it might not be what it seems it is - doesn’t sound great though.

Sarahwithlove

alt80 said:

Sounds like you’re trying to control him tbh. So many women who “look after” finances seem to do this - have had a couple of staff over the years their wives give them ‘pocket money’ and no access to household finances. Working hard and nothing for themselves “can’t be trusted” by the wife.  

No idea why a man of sound enough mind to work requires you to have POA.  Appreciate it might not be what it seems it is - doesn’t sound great though.

POA isn't just about whether or not someone is of sound mind it's also about whether someone is physically capable and when he is 1000 of miles away for months at a time I can understand why he's given it to her. He was obviously happy to give it to her as he signed it over. You may not agree with their decision but it's there's to make.