Elderly parents won't stop making unnecessary trips to the supermarket!!!

[Deleted User]

I'm in my early 40s, single, no dependents, and I live on my own in London.  But since mid-March I've been with my parents at their house in the semi-rural, commuter-belt.

They are in their early/mid 70s with some long-term but not severe health issues.   They didn't receive the shielding letter.

I don't drive and my own anxiety/informedness is such that there is no way I would go into a supermarket/shop myself.  But my parents are addicted to it!  They seem to be going every day!  For stupid things like cakes and treats, and some 'Extra' thing that they just thought of.  And never wearing a mask.

It's just totally unnecessary. It's true that we can't get Ocado/supermarket deliveries.  But my parents have someone in the village who'll buy them whatever they want from the supermarket.  And their fridge, cupboards, and fridge-freezer are all full anyway!!!  You could live for months on what they already have in.

And since I've been here we've been getting a big box of fresh fruit and vegetables delivered each week.  You can't choose exact items but it's all good.    There's dairy and meat, too.  I also found an independent shop with an online operation that sent us non-perishables, eg breakfast cereal, soap, etc.  And I've made an account on Majestic Wine too.  

So there is zero need for my parents to ever go into a supermarket apart from (a) to relieve boredom (though they can go on walks, or drives/walks, as much as they like, if they're looking for stimulation); (b) arrogance - they're not old or infirm enough to consider letting their son tell them what to do, and (c) their ignorant belief that "It won't happen to us", "There aren't many cases around here", "Everyone is being very careful in the supermarket", etc. 

Oh, there's also and a bit of "HOW MUCH for a loaf of bread?" when they see the prices of the online delivery firms.  As if that was more important than, you know, not getting the coronavirus.

What do you think?   I'm seriously tempted to just get out of here and go back to my own home if they go to a supermarket again.   (I could do that without breaking the lockdown as I'd be returning from a visit to a vulnerable relative).    I feel like their casual attitude is putting all of our lives at risk.

bradders1983

You cant stop adults from doing anything I am afraid.

roddydogs

If youve got a place, why are you with them?

onwards&upwards

I think you’d be mad to go from a house with a garden to a flat in London.

That said there’s no way I could live with my parents again, even in a luxury mansion!  

It’s your choice, they don’t sound vulnerable at all. 

[Deleted User]

roddydogs said:

If youve got a place, why are you with them?

My brother works for the NHS in intensive care and told me mid-March to go stay with them, because this coronavirus situation was going to be very serious. And so it proved!  But if they won't listen to me then I feel I'm not helping, and they're putting my life at risk too.

[Deleted User]

onwards&upwards said:

I think you’d be mad to go from a house with a garden to a flat in London.

That said there’s no way I could live with my parents again, even in a luxury mansion!  

It’s your choice, they don’t sound vulnerable at all. 

You'd think, but in London I've got a big and unruly garden that I could spend weeks working on.   There's also a lot of DIY I could do.   And I've got my weights, my record player, my books, etc.

I'm very anxious at the best of times but ironically I feel more in danger here, with my parents, than I'd be alone in London.  

poppy12345

You can't force them to stay in. Sounds like you have 2 options, stay where you are or go back home. They would only be putting your life at risk if you're in the vulnerable group yourself.

I must also admit that i could never live with my mother again, ever.

Jeremy535897

"I've just told them that if they do it again, I'm going back to my flat and leaving them to it."
You've given them an ultimatum. If they ignore it, start packing. You never know what might happen then.

neilmcl

Poster_586329 said:

roddydogs said:

If youve got a place, why are you with them?

My brother works for the NHS in intensive care and told me mid-March to go stay with them, because this coronavirus situation was going to be very serious. And so it proved!  But if they won't listen to me then I feel I'm not helping, and they're putting my life at risk too.

You're probably putting them more at risk sharing a house with them then they would be on their own.

[Deleted User]

neilmcl said:

Poster_586329 said:

roddydogs said:

If youve got a place, why are you with them?

My brother works for the NHS in intensive care and told me mid-March to go stay with them, because this coronavirus situation was going to be very serious. And so it proved!  But if they won't listen to me then I feel I'm not helping, and they're putting my life at risk too.

You're probably putting them more at risk sharing a house with them then they would be on their own.

Hmm not really because I only took public transport in London 3 times this year (in January/February), have been at my parents since March 16th and haven't been indoors with any other human-beings since then.

I'm the kind of hyper-anxious/alert guy who'd cross the road if someone was coming the other way.  And won't go within 5 metres of someone in an open field on a windy day .

[Deleted User]

I think the ultimatum's worked because my Mum's just said they'll stay out of supermarkets.  Hopefully they'll stick to it!

The two other ideas I'd had were, firstly, to get my brother on board.   They would respect the message a lot more if it was coming from him.

Secondly, that I need to do more to take control of the food shopping.  Order from lots of different sites, because they might not fully realize the variety of what you can get out there.   They have never had the habit of online food shopping.

And, finally, to get hold of some masks, so that we do have some protection in the house in case one of us gets it.